


Love, Cyrus

by blueberrymackadamia



Series: Andi Mack Love Simon-verse [1]
Category: Andi Mack (TV), Love Simon (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Love Simon Fusion, Bisexual Male Character, Book: Simon Versus the Homo Sapiens Agenda, Crushes, F/F, F/M, Female Homosexuality, Homophobic Language, Inspired by Love Simon, Lesbian Character, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mild Cursing/Swearing, Movie: Love Simon (2018), Multi, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-12 17:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 54,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21480040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberrymackadamia/pseuds/blueberrymackadamia
Summary: An Andi Mack AU of the movie "Love, Simon" and the book "Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda" by Becky Albertalli.Cyrus Goodman is in his Junior year of High School, everything is going well until an anonymous post on Shadyside Secrets has him questioning things in his otherwise perfectly, normal life.Rated Teen: Mentions of underage drinking and underage smoking, homophobic language, and mild swearing.
Relationships: Amber/Iris (Andi Mack), Buffy Driscoll/Marty, Cyrus Goodman & T. J. Kippen, Jonah Beck & Cyrus Goodman, Rebecca "Bex" Mack/Bowie Quinn, Walker Brodsky & Cyrus Goodman
Series: Andi Mack Love Simon-verse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1548271
Comments: 20
Kudos: 65





	1. Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this story to my best friend and all the Andi Mack fans out there 💕. I hope you enjoy it! And please leave a kudo, a comment, and/or bookmark it.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> BlueberryMackadamia

I absolutely love Autumn - it’s the best time of the year in my humble opinion. No shade towards the Holiday Season, I just have a particular fondness of the striking fall foliage. The beautiful red, yellow, and brown splashes of color, the cold but gentle breeze, and the crunch and rustling of leaves. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I want to take it all in. 

I’m sitting at our favorite table at our favorite hangout, The Pumpkin Spice Cafe. Predictably, I’m enjoying a pumpkin spice latte. How original. But it truly is their best drink. I swear on my Bubbe Rose’s grave it is. And personally, I just wanna say to the person who invented pumpkin spice, thank you for figuring out how to improve sugar. My taste buds are forever in your debt, however, my glucose levels aren’t.

I hear the cute little bell that rings when the door opens, and it’s one of my best friends, Andi Mack. As always, her short, black hair is adorned with colorful barrettes and she’s carrying her oh-so adorable panda backpack. She goes to order herself a beverage, and if my guess is right, she definitely ordered a hot apple cider (which matches her fuzzy orange sweater). She’s literally the cutest person on the planet.

“Morning, Cyrus!” Andi says, pulling out a chair next to me.

“Good Morning to you, Pandi!” I say, admiring the backpack. It’s adorable big black eyes looking at me from across the table. “I never thought a backpack could bring me such joy.”

Andi smiles, “Yeah, I love it. I found it at a thrift store.”

I sigh, “I wish I had your talents.”

“Cyrus, you’re one of the most gifted actors I’ve ever met. And I can’t wait to find out what the school play for this year is going to be!”

“As much as I enjoy the timeless classic of Romeo and Juliet, I really, and I mean ** _really_ **, want to do something fun and catchy! It wasn’t easy speaking in a pseudo-English accent. And it hurts the vocal cords.” Andi nods agreeingly and takes a sip of her cider.

Andi and I talk some more about plays we want to star in when the bell rings yet again. This time, my other best friend Buffy Driscoll, along with her boyfriend Marty, join us. 

“Heeeeeyyyyyy! What’s up, fellow Juniors!” Marty practically shouts, much to the annoyance of the patrons at the cafe.

“Geez, Marty. Are you going to wake up the whole town?” Buffy scolds him. 

Marty scoffs and takes a drink from Buffy’s latte, “Am I the only morning person here?” Buffy snatches her drink from his hands, “Get your own.”

“Good morning to you, too.” Andi says, raising an eyebrow. “Anyway, have any of you seen Onyx?”

“Oh my goodness! I didn’t notice. I really needed my pumpkin spice fix.” I say, scanning the small cafe for the black fur-ball of joy. I call out for her. 

Marty does an obnoxious whistle, “Here, kitty, kitty!”

“Um, Marty, we’re trying to find her. Not scare her off,” says Buffy.

“Um, who sneezed in your Cheerios this mornin’? ‘Cause it wasn’t me.” Marty says back. Buffy rolls her eyes. Marty flirtatiously wiggles his eyebrows at her.

“Oh pooh! I guess she’s not here today.” I say, sinking into my seat.

Andi gets up from her seat to discard our drinks. She then looks for her mom, Bex, (who manages the Cafe) so she can drive us to school. 

In the car, Andi always sits shotgun, and I’m (unfortunately) wedged between Buffy and Marty so I often have to resume my role as messenger for the couple.

“Hey, Cy-Guy! Tell Buffy that she looks like the whole snack aisle.” Marty smirks and blows her a kiss.

“I’m not telling her that!” I say. I can feel a fever coming on.

Buffy sighs, “You don’t have to, Cyrus. I heard him.”

I move forward in my seat to ask Andi to play some tunes (and put me out of my misery). Andi, being the ray of sunshine she is, puts on her playlist. I hear the opening notes to Owl City’s “Vanilla Twilight” and immediately feel a sense of calm. Andi knows me so well and I love her for it. I could kiss her. It doesn’t take long for Bex to drop us off at Grant High School. We all thank Bex and start walking up the stairs to the front doors. 

It’s our third year at Grant and I’m not gonna lie, I kinda missed it. I missed going to theatre practice, goofing off with my friends between classes, and attending Buffy’s basketball games and Marty’s track meets. Also, and this is clearly from a therapist’s point of view (or the son of therapists I should say), that it always fascinated me to see the various social groups in our school; they’re like Hogwarts Houses. 

However, one thing I don’t miss is how mean kids can be to one another. It’s only day one and Amber Brown (one of the most popular kids and the only openly-gay kid at Grant) already has to deal with narrow-minded twits. 

“Hey Amber, where’s your Daisy-Duke?” says Twit #1.

“More like Dyke!” says Twit #2.

Even though my friends and I are nowhere near the action, I can still visibly see Amber’s ** _I’m done_ ** face from a mile away.

Amber claps, “Wow! Is that all you’ve got for me? I was hoping for better insults. You had all Summer to come up with them. Disappointing.” 

The Twits dip their heads in defeat, for now. 

Iris, Amber’s girlfriend, bashfully comes out of her hiding spot to greet her. They share a sweet kiss by the lockers and hold hands as they walk down the hall.

And I stand there, watching them. I feel like a creep doing so, but I can’t help but feel… envious.

I swallow the lump in my throat and sulk my way to my locker to empty some of the contents of my backpack. I don’t notice right away that Andi and Buffy are standing by me, sad looks on both their faces. I can feel their pity radiating on me.

“Everything alright?” I say, avoiding eye contact.

“We’re fine. We’re just worried about you,” says Buffy.

“Yeah, I saw the way you were looking at Amber and Iris,” says Andi.

I bury my face in the dark locker and let out a frustrated sigh. And then I close it.

“I’m fine. I promise. I’m over Iris.” I’m already two steps ahead of them towards homeroom.

“Are you sure?” Buffy places her hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

I turn to face her, “I’m sure.” 

And with that, Andi and Buffy go their separate ways to their homerooms, leaving me in the crowded hallway. I continue my walk to class and I notice Marty (who is really hard not to notice) talking to a boy with short blond hair. 

Marty is always so… cartoon-like when he’s talking. It’s strange but endearing. That’s probably the best description of Mr. Marty From The Party and I’ve only known him for two years. The blond boy turns around and I instantly recognize him.

It’s TJ Kippen. Captain of Grant’s Boys Basketball Team. 

_Wow. He’s gotten tall…. well, tall-er. His eyes look extra green today, it probably helps that he’s wearing a green shirt. It sure makes them pop. He should wear that color more often. It’s so… him. He looks good. So good. _

I shake my head because I’m starting to get self-conscious thinking about another boy like that. I mean, he doesn’t even know I exist.

My mind further scolds me, it’s relentless.

_ Forget it, Cyrus, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning in a house you’ve won in the publisher’s clearing house the day after winning the lottery. _

I shrug and finally take a seat in homeroom. I’m hoping school will distract me from those pesky thoughts that infiltrate my brain.

A boy can hope.


	2. Dysfunctional

My phone is buzzing like a hive of bees. I groan and extend out my arm to reach for it. It’s Marty. Should I be surprised? Probably not. I look at the time on my phone and all hell breaks loose. It’s 8:30 AM. 

I curse and flip the covers back and frantically search my room for some clean clothes. I forgot to do the laundry yesterday. 

_ Good job, TJ. Already off to a great start. Yippee. _

I hop into a pair of semi-clean jeans and quickly throw on a t-shirt, my Grant pullover hoodie and some sneakers. I pick-up my backpack from the messy floor and pray that I atleast re-stocked it with some school supplies. I did. Thank God. 

I go into the kitchen to fix myself a half-assed breakfast and see a sticky note on the refrigerator.

It’s from Mom: ** _Dear Theloni, I whipped up some eggs and toast for you. Have a great first day! Lots of hugs & kisses! Love, Mom. _ **

I roll my eyes and grab the toast, I definitely can’t eat the eggs now. I run to the bus stop, but by the time I get there, the bus is long freaking gone. Ugh. Just my luck. I run all the way back home to get my skateboard and roll like a maniac to school with toast in my mouth. God, I probably look like a freaking psychopath. 

Whatever. Not my problem.

I nearly ran over a freshman and he doesn’t even give me the chance to apologize. He gets up and runs away, nearly tripping over his own shoelaces. 

_ Why do people always do that? _ I swear, they think I’m going to eat them or something. 

Anyway, I finish swallowing what’s left of my toast and stuff the skateboard in my backpack. The last thing I’d want is to get detention for bringing my board in school. They’re so strict like that. 

My phone is buzzing, again. This time Marty’s calling me.

“Bro! Where you at?” Marty yells.

“Bro, I’m not deaf. No need to shout.” I say.

“Geez, no need to get snippy. I got worried.”

“Yeah, well, I’m here. Barely, but here.”

“‘Aight, cool. I’m waiting by your locker. Don’t keep a brother hanging.”

I roll my eyes, again, “Yeah, yeah.” I hang up.

On my way to my locker, I’m greeted by Dr. Metcalf. “Good Morning, Mr. Kippen! How was your Summer?”

“Great. Fantastic. How was yours?” I ask although I could care less. 

“Fine, considering I was in the middle of a divorce.” A dry, bitter chuckle escapes his voice. He’s usually so composed. I can’t help but pity him a bit.

I still can’t stand it when teachers (and adults in general) get all personal. They have no idea how awkward it is. “I’m sorry, Dr. Metcalf.”

“Well, it’s for the best.” He clears his throat. “So, are you going to lead The Blades to victory this year?”

“Um, I’ll try my best.” I say.

He pats my arm a little too hard, “That’s the spirit!”

I give him a nod and rub my now aching arm. Soon enough, I arrive to my locker and Marty’s there, leaning on it with his arms crossed, ripped jeans and white converse. Like he’s posing for a rap album. My bad, more like a soundcloud album. 

Marty lifts his chin up at me, “Sup bro?” 

“Nothin’ just running late for school and listening to personal stuff from Metcalf.”

Marty grits his teeth, “Yikes.”

I take out my board and stuff it in the locker. “Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Walk with me?” says Marty putting an arm around me. He’s always been so touchy.

“Sure.”

“So, I had this weird but dope dream.” Marty says in a serious tone. He usually means business when he talks like that. I guess I should indulge him.

“Wanna tell me about it?” I regret asking.

Marty puts on that mischievous look and I’m bracing myself. “So, I don’t remember all the deets, but I do know that you were in it. It was pretty awesome.”

Suddenly, I feel a knot in my stomach and dizzy, “Um, nice story, bro.”

“Bro, I haven’t even gotten to the best part!” I wave my hand impatiently for him to continue.

“As I was saying, you were in it. And you were like a cool ninja dude. There were all these hot chicks that were chasing after you. I was like your partner in crime but didn’t get any of the chicks. I remember waking up feeling pissed and left out. Anyway… yeah, so, you were fighting off all these people. Dead bodies everywhere and blood and guts-” 

Ok, now I definitely wanna hurl, “Marty, can you get to the point? I don’t want my breakfast to come up if you know what I mean?” 

Marty moves a few inches away from me. “Okay, okay. The rest was a blur, all I can say is that you got with someone at the end. That’s it.” 

“Got with?”

“Yeah, you were making out with someone.”

“Who?”

“I dunno. I couldn’t see her.”

“Oh. Great. Thanks for telling me that riveting story.”

Marty laughs, “Anytime! I told you it was cool! It was like being in an action movie. Except I didn’t get any action.”

I pat Marty’s head, “You poor thing.”

“So f’ing unfair! I should be the lead guy, I got the charm and charisma!”

“You’ll have your chance, dude. I really gotta go to class.”

“‘Aight, catch you later, gator.” Marty does the finger guns and I low-key wanna smack him. The guy’s such a doofus but he’s the only friend I have at this school. He’s good people… when he’s not being a cringey “dudebro”.

The dizziness seems to go away with each step I’m further away from Marty. I probably sound like a jerk, but he legit gives me headaches. He’s got the energy of a five-year old on RedBull or Monster or whatever energy drink he consumes. I’ve seen him drink a whole pack in a day. No joke. But that’s not the only thing he drinks in excess… I worry about him. 

Marty escapes my mind when I realize that I won’t be getting to class on time. 

_ Dammit_. 

I should’ve asked him to help me. I have trouble reading numbers, it’s some disorder called “dyscalculia” (or as Marty calls it “dyscalculator”). I know it’s room one-seven, and I had the same homeroom last year, so hopefully I can find it on my own. As I’m about to turn a corner, I see a familiar face across the hall.

It’s Cyrus Goodman and his friends. 

I know one of his friends is called Buffy Driscoll, also known as the “Slayer.” A.K.A Marty’s girl. She’s easily Grant’s best basketball player, second to me, of course. I forget the name of the other one, I know she’s part of the Art Club. Her work is often featured on bulletin boards around school. She’s good and I’m not all that into art. Y’know? ‘Cause I’m a dumb jock and, therefore, have no taste.

I’ve known Cyrus since middle school. Ok, well, I don’t actually ** _know_ ** him but I do know ** _of_ ** him. I’ve heard nothing but good things about him. It’s very fitting that his last name is “Goodman”. 

I smile ‘cause he’s wearing a button-down shirt. He always has and it’s, dare I say, adorable. I’ll never forget the shock I felt when I saw Cyrus after Freshman year, he had had a major growth spurt. He was so small in Jefferson, I’m talking fun-size. He’s changed physically, but I’m kinda hoping that he hasn’t changed on the inside. 

He’s getting closer to me, and my heart is fluttering like wings. I do a very cowardly thing and intentionally avoid him. Which is great, ‘cause now I’m going to have to take the long way to class. I’m such a chicken shit. A dumb chicken shit.

As predicted, I arrive to class late. 20 minutes late. The teacher rips me a new one in front of everyone and I go take my seat. 

_ Yeah, Mom. I’m having a fantastic day. I hope yours is better. _

The lecture is so boring and my mind starts to wander. I can’t stop thinking about Cyrus and the last time I ever spoke to him... It’s not something I like to remember. I wasn’t rude or anything but I wish I had been more friendly. Who knows, maybe we’d be friends by now if I wasn’t so distant. 

Honestly, I don’t know who I should be more pissed with: Marty, the teacher, or myself?

I pick me.


	3. Do You See What I See?

During lunch, the gang and I are sitting at the same table we’ve been eating at for the past two years. I know it’s our table because we scratched our names underneath it. My fingers trace the carving, **_C.G. was here_**. I suppose you could say we’re a sentimental bunch. 

Though, for some reason, it seems like each year the table gets moved further away from the doors and towards the windows. Not that I’m complaining, we get a pretty nice view of the football and track field… and the boys practicing on there aren’t half bad either.

Marty and Buffy are sitting next to each other exchanging witty banter (which really is just them flirting). Andi is quietly working on a drawing and I’m happily eating my favorite rendition of a fried potato: _**tater tots!**_

I can never get enough of these. But the best ones are served at The Spoon, a cute little 50’s diner off of Main Street. Besides the Pumpkin Spice Cafe, it’s another frequent hang out of me and my friends or The Good Hair Crew as I like to call us (I even made t-shirts!). Sadly, Andi and Buffy have yet to warm up to the group name.

And then there’s Jonah Beck. He once was part of the GHC but we’ve drifted apart over the years. I solemnly look at him sitting with the Theater Club a couple tables away. I guess they’re his new crew these days. 

Andi’s phone beeps and not long after, she says, “Guys! Look at this post on Shadyside Secrets!” She hands over the phone to Buffy.

“Oh nice. We’re getting pizza on Tuesdays and Fridays,” says Buffy, unimpressed.

“Who got caught making out under the bleachers this time?” says Marty yanking the phone away and frantically scrolling. “I need the juicy deets!”

Andi reaches across the table to retrieve her phone. She scrolls to the post that she’s referring to, “Here.”

Buffy and Marty read the post in question. Both looking as though cold water was dumped on them.

“Um, Cyrus? Are you going to read it?” Andi asks.

Truth be told, I barely read the Tumblr. The content on there doesn’t really appeal to me, it’s mostly a bunch of rumors and gossip. The only time I do check it out is for the lunch menu.

However, Andi’s big brown eyes are looking into my own, and I get the feeling that it’s something important. I reach out my hand so she can give me the phone. 

I read the post.

> _ So many people have this idea of me. They don’t even know the half of it. They’ve never even tried to. Everyday I feel like I’m trapped in this fog with no direction. I’m desperately hoping for the day the fog will clear and I can come out of it… literally. _
> 
> _ -Green _

_ _

I’m speechless. If you could see my heart right now, it’s crumbling. 

I think of my parents. You wouldn’t believe the kind of pain they, as therapists, have to see on a daily basis. If anyone can understand how the human soul can be shattered. They do. And it’s incredibly heartbreaking. 

I make the mistake of looking at the comments on Green’s post. Another very heartbreaking thing is how apathetic people can be towards other people’s suffering. 

One comment says **“Your depressing everyone. Get off the computer and go outside.”**

Another says, **“wow. someone wants attention. congrats you got it.”**

And another, and this one is by far the worst, **“Come out? What are you? A fag? Eat some skittles, that’ll cheer you up.”**

I give the phone back to Andi, not even wanting to look at it. She immediately puts it away and then places a hand over mine.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad,” says Andi.

“I just can’t believe how cruel people can be.” I say, stifling a sniffle. 

I can’t cry, not here. I don’t know how much longer I can stay composed... I feel like I’m about to burst.

“I know, “ says Buffy, “I can’t believe it either.”

“Well, lunch just got real depressing,” says Marty, picking at his food with a spork.

My friends and I clear out our trays (along with our appetites) and decide to spend what’s left of lunch hanging out by the track field. The rest of us are sitting on the bleachers, heads in our hands, while Marty is running laps. How can he have so much energy? It’s a gift.

I manage to get through the rest of the school day but I needed a huge nap once I got home. I couldn’t stop thinking about Green and their words. It’s probably not the first time someone has poured their heart out anonymously on the Tumblr. But as I read the post, I could see myself in them and that scared me. 

I know exactly how they feel.

The evening proves to be just as difficult as I barely want to get out of bed. My mom insists I eat dinner and do my homework but I just can’t. I tell her that I’m feeling “under the weather” in the hopes of being left alone. 

The blue light coming from my laptop screen is beckoning me. 

It’s saying, _ Cyrus, come to me, write something _. And I say out loud without realizing it, “What should I write? I don’t have any papers due.” 

Oh god. I’ve cracked.

I change my position on the bed so I’m not facing the laptop, and burying my face in a pillow. But I can’t ignore it. I let out a groan and drag myself to the desk. I lift the lid of the laptop and type in the web address of the Shadyside Secrets page. I look for Green’s post which takes me a while since it was posted back in August. 

There it is and still sad as ever. 

_Focus Cyrus. _

I’m looking for a username or any form of Green’s contact information. All I find is an email address: greenbitterboi@gmail.com.

I then open up a new window and log into my gmail account. I almost forgot I even had one. After having to reset the password due to many months of not logging in, I finally arrive to my inbox. There’s over a thousand emails, mostly school related, random articles my parents sent me, and the occasional Andi drawing. 

I start a new email for Green. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. What can I possibly say? I doubt they want my pity. 

No, they deserve better than that. Much better.

I swivel around in my chair, trying to think of what to say, which leads me nowhere. I guess I’ll just have to wing it. 

Ok, here goes nothing:

**FROM:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE:** September 17 at 9:23 PM

**SUBJECT:** Hi there

Dear Green,  
  


I’m not a gossipy-type-of-person (that would be my mom) but I noticed your post on that Shadyside Secrets page. And, well… I feel you. I really, really do. I guess I’ll start at the beginning (don’t worry I won’t give you every boring, excruciating detail of my life. I promise.) 

So, I’ve got a fairly normal life, minus a few exceptions (which I’ll get to). I have loving parents (well.. two sets of parents to be exact), I’m an only child (I’m not even allowed to have a pet *pouty face*), and I’ve got great friends whom I’ve known since second grade and one I’ve known only for two short years.

Both of my parents are therapists (as well as my step-parents) so you can imagine how much “shrinking” goes on in the household lol (that sounded a lot funnier in my head… I should probably get that checked out haha). My parents got divorced when I was like 10? I think? I’ve pretty much got that part of my life mentally blocked out but I’m doing ok. I stopped blaming myself for the whole thing although it took a while.

Anyway, didn’t mean to mention that dark stuff. I’m usually described as a “literal ray of sunshine” by my friends and family. Whether or not that’s true is up for debate. I guess my point is, I’ve got a great life, except for a long time, it has felt like I’ve been living a lie and that’s not great. I think there’s enough subtext for you to get what I’m referring to. 

Oh and I’m Jewish? Kind of a random factoid about me but I thought I’d throw that in for good measure.

Hope to hear from you,

-MuffinBoy


	4. Notification Bell Blues

I didn't get one wink of sleep last night, all I could think about was Green and the email I sent them. It was so bad that I actually ordered my latte with extra espresso. I was even spacing out during the first of many theater club meetings.

"I'm very pleased to announce that this year's Winter production is Grease!" says Mrs. Mendenhall, clapping her hands together.

If I wasn't in a zombie-like state, I'd jump with glee. This is _**exactly**_ what I wanted! I'm definitely auditioning for Danny Zuko, he's such a dreamboat. And, um, a very compelling character.

I tried my best to pay attention to the rest of what Mrs. Mendenhall was saying but to no avail. I must have fallen asleep at some point because I suddenly felt a sharp jab on my left side where Buffy is sitting.

"I'll be up in five minutes, Mommy!" I yell and jolt upright in my seat, nearly falling over into the one in front of me. That's when I realize I'm in the auditorium and everyone in the club is staring at me now. I can hear Kip snickering from the row of seats behind me.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly and take a seat, "proceed." Where's Harry Potter's invisibility cloak when you need it? 'Cause this Gryffindor needs to run away. Far away.

Mrs. Mendenhall gives me a concerned look and then continues. "As always, you are required to perform a song and dance routine during your audition."

Jonah stands next to Mrs. M, wearing what looks like a warm and cuddly cardigan that bring out his stunning green eyes.

"If anyone of you guys want to practice with some music, I'm available after school every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday," says Jonah, hands in his pockets, dimples on display.

Oh, Jonah Beck. He's about as close as I'm ever getting to a real-life Danny Zuko or even Ryan Gosling. He could easily be a Jonas Brother! Or a member of One Direction (minus the cute English accent). Ok, I really need to stop. This is getting mildly pathetic and I've already made a fool of myself.

My anxieties about auditions are waking me up. I can feel my palms sweat, my heart rate increasing, and my mouth going dry. Or I just really need to lay off the caffeine. Who knows. Mrs. Mendenhall dismisses us and my friends and I go for some taters and milkshakes at The Spoon.

We get there and it's fairly busy around this time, lots of Grant and Jefferson students come here often. We find a booth in a corner and Amber Brown approaches us, waitress uniform and all, to take our orders.

"Hey kiddos! What'll it be? The usual?" Amber says, already writing in her notepad.

"Amber, you're a year older than us. What's with the "kiddos" line?" Buffy asks.

"Because you're still babies to me. Someone has to look out for you since us Theater Club aficionados gotta stick together." She lifts her hand and balls it into a fist.

Not too long after, Amber comes back with our orders and takes a seat in the booth. "So, have you guys thought about what you're going to sing for your audition? Personally, I feel like I'm a shoe-in for Sandy!" Amber says with a hair flip.

"I still have to think about it. But I hope I get the part of Rizzo. She's really cool," says Andi.

"What do you think, Cyrus?" Buffy asks me but I'm not paying any attention, "Cyrus?"

I keep refreshing my gmail account, eagerly waiting for Green's response.

"Earth to Cyrus?" Buffy calls for me, again.

"Allow me," says Amber and then throws a tater at my face.

I practically jump out of where I'm sitting. "Holy Toledo! What is it?"

"What's with you?" Buffy asks, glaring at me.

"N-nothing! I'm just waiting for a very important message. I'm sorry!" I say, trying to save my skin.

"From?" Andi adds.

"From, um," I pause, "colleges and unis!" Hopefully, they'll buy that. For now.

"Uh-huh." Buffy crosses her arms. _Why is she so intimidating?_

"Did you guys already take the PSATs? 'Cause it seems a bit early for you to be hearing from schools," says Amber, suspiciously.

I'm hiding my hands under the booth because they're dripping. It's disgusting. "I, um, just wanted to get a head start. That's all." I drown my anxiety in a nice cold chocolate shake. But I stupidly took a big sip which resulted in a bad brain freeze.

I then make a run for the Men's Room and splash some water on my face. I see my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I look terrible. My hair's in need of a wash, I have racoon eyes, and I'm getting pimples and blemishes everywhere. I can't believe I let myself go to school looking like this and out in public!

I come back to the booth and of course my friends look concerned.

"Cyrus, are you ok?" Andi asks.

"I just need to go home. I've got a lot of homework to do." I pull out some money from my wallet and leave it on the table. "Here's my part of the meal. I'll see you guys later."

I don't walk home right away. Instead, I take a detour and head for Shadyside Park. I look for my favorite set of swings and take a seat and just stare off into space. That is, until I hear some bushes rustling in the background, and out of them emerges an adorable black and fluffy creature.

I smile, "Hey Onyx."

The black cat walks up to me. I pet her and scratch that area behind her ears that she likes. I love the sound of her purring, it's so soothing and comforting.

I start to swing slowly, "I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm getting all worked up over an email. Was it a mistake to reach out to this person?"

Onyx keeps me company on this chilly evening while I swing, because swinging is therapeutic for me. I can't explain why. It just is. Eventually, once it starts to get dark I carry Onyx back to AndiShack and then head home.

Before I get some well-needed shut-eye, I check my email one more time.

Just as I suspected. Nothing. I have a gut-feeling that I'm going to have to get used to that.

Feeling melancholy, I put my phone on silent and get under the covers. Falling asleep after tossing and turning for a good 20 minutes.

A few days go by and still no sign of Green. I'm starting to lose all hope...

Until that fateful Friday morning snuck up on me. I reach for my phone to turn off the alarm. My phone buzzes. I just received a new email notification.


	5. I've Got Email?

_IT'S HIM! IT'S HIM! IT'S REALLY HIM! _

I jump out of bed and do a little happy dance in my room. I can hardly contain myself!

"Cyrus! Are you still in bed? You're going to be late!" My mom calls out from the stairs.

_Darn it! I did wait four agonizing days, what's a few more hours?_ I put the phone down and get ready for school.

"Cyrus! Bex will be coming by soon. You don't want to keep her waiting!" Mom continues.

"I'll be down in a minute!" I say, quickly buttoning up my shirt.

I finish my look with a new pair of converse and head downstairs. Todd, my step-dad, is already at the table as Mom pours herself some coffee.

"Whoa, Cyrus, did you get changed in the dark or something?" Todd asks with a chuckle. I look down at my outfit to see that my shirt is inside out.

"I'm kinda in a rush this morning." I say with a sheepish grin and then take a seat at the table.

Todd ruffles my hair, "Take it easy, kiddo."

Mom puts a plate of food in front of me. "I made your favorite. Blueberry pancakes!"

I'm licking my lips and ready to dive in, "Thanks, Mommy!" I give her a kiss on the cheek.

I'm only a few bites in when there's a knock at the door. Todd gets up to answer it. He returns to the kitchen with Bex, she's wearing her leather jacket and combat boots, as usual.

"Cyrus! Going for an experimental look I see!" She says, upon observing my backwards fashion sense. I blush.

"I promise Bex, I'm not doing any kind of experimenting. I was running late." I gulp down my shame in orange juice. I head for the bathroom to brush my teeth and fix my shirt.

Back in the kitchen, I can tell that someone's taken a bite or two from my pancakes. Most likely Bex. Not that I blame her, Mom's a great cook. I pick up my backpack from the couch and head out the door.

I tried so many times to read the email but something always got in the way. Mostly the school's poor internet connection. _Curse you Shadyside Education System!_ I also tried at Lunch, but again, no connection.

My patience was starting to wear thin around fourth period. I'm in Mr. Coleman's class trying to solve some quadratic equations but the only problem I can focus on, is my phone. I should tell my parents to invest in a better plan.

Out of desperation, I raise my hand and ask Mr. Coleman permission to use the bathroom. I get the pass and start running to my locker so I can retrieve my phone. I unlock the screen, which has a picture of my friends and I at Jefferson (we were such babies!) and see that there's only one bar of reception.

I walk around the hallways hoping to get more bars, which is an excruciating thing to go through. It's as if the Universe wants to keep me from reading Green's reply! Nonetheless, I keep going. And going. I don't start seeing bars until I approach the Gym, so I go in.

On the other side of the basketball court, I see some boys huddled together. It looks like they're having a meeting of some kind. I should probably leave but this is literally the only place I've gotten some kind of signal. I'm not going back now.

As quiet as a mouse, I take a seat on the stands and pull out my phone. I open up the gmail app and finally tap on the message. I'd squeal with joy but I'm trying to be incognito here.

**FROM:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE:** September 21 at 7:16 AM

**SUBJECT: Re:** Hi there

Hey MuffinBoy,

Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to get a response. But I'm glad, it kinda made my day. You think your parents are weird? Mine are music junkies. You're probably thinking that isn't strange but they LOVE music. Way. Too. Freaking. Much. They literally named me after their favorite artists, it's weird af. And no, I'm NOT gonna mention my name. If I did, then I'd, unfortunately, have to kill you and I don't wanna do that.

Wow... I wish I was described as a "ray of sunshine". Instead I'm that "scary kid" that will likely bite your head off. If you want to get a good idea of the kind of guy people see me as, listen to "Boys Will Be Bugs" by Cavetown (yes my inner music nerd is showing. I shoulda warned ya.) 'Cept I'm not fourteen and I probably shouldn't act this way but I can't help it (I think it's just my face lol). Oh and I don't do karate and I would reply to your messages 'cause I'm not that mean. Anyway... I noticed a question mark after the word "Jewish." Are you? Or are you not?

-Green

I place the phone on my beating heart and let out a dreamy sigh. He sounds so... I can't find the words. All I can come up with is that he sounds so cute and amazing. I still can't believe he even replied! I must be dreaming. However, I'm quickly taken out of my trance when I hear someone talking to me.

"Hey. Can I help you with anything?"

My mouth goes dry. It's TJ Kippen. What do I say? He's probably angry that I crashed his meeting.

"I uh, I didn't meant to-" I'm fumbling with my words and wiping my sweaty palms on my pants.

TJ gives me a reassuring look, "Calm down. I'm not angry or anything. I just want to know what you're doing here."

"Oh, um..." my voice trails. _C'mon Cyrus think!_ _Should I lie? Or just go with the truth?_ His green eyes are looking at me. And it's so intimidating. Then I remember I'm a terrible liar, so I better go with the truth (and pray that I don't get a black eye).

I exhale, "I'm here because this is the only area in this whole school I got an internet connection. I have this really important message that I needed to read. I'm sorry for interrupting. I really didn't mean to!" I say, this time looking him straight in the eyes. I can feel my own eyes on the verge of tears.

Once again, TJ softens, and I'm caught off guard by it. _Why is he being so nice?_ It's kind of scaring me.

TJ moves a little closer to me and I'm holding my breath. _Breathe, Cyrus, breathe. Inhale, exhale..._

"Ah. I see. Must be a very important message, huh?" TJ says, the corner of his lips curving upward.

I nod, "Yes, it is. And I don't exaggerate."

"It's cool. I understand. And you didn't "interrupt" anything. We were just regrouping, nothing special."

We stay quiet for a moment, unsure of what else to say.

"You're Cyrus Goodman, right?" TJ says finally.

My eyes are bugging out. _How does he know my name? How does he know I exist?_

TJ chuckles, "Don't look so surprised. I think we went to Jefferson together."

A weird sound escapes my throat and TJ raises an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, I'm Cyrus. And y-you're TJ Kippen. Captain of the Basketball Team."

"You're friends with Buffy Driscoll right? The Slayer?" TJ asks.

_Oh, that would explain why he knows my name. How stupid of me to not think of that._

"Yep, Buffy and I have been friends forever."

TJ smiles, "That's really cool. I've heard a lot of great things about Buffy. And you."

I let out a nervous laugh, "M-me? Like what?"

"Oh, you know, I remember that protest you started to change the dress code."

"That wasn't really me. It was all Andi. Andi Mack. She's another close friend of mine."

"Aw, c'mon. You gotta give yourself some credit." TJ says and pats my shoulder and takes a seat next to me.

I really must be dreaming. I mean, TJ Kippen knows my name, my friends, and stuff I've done in Jefferson. And he's being nice and he's even complimenting me. _  
_

_Ok, Cyrus, time to wake up._

I blink my eyes a few times but nothing happens. I'm still in the Gym and TJ is still next to me.

"Are you ok?" TJ asks.

"Let's just say it's been a long day for me." I admit.

"Bummer. I've had many days like that too."

His voice lowers and his head sinks. He's reminding me of a turtle retreating back to its shell. I have this strange desire to hold his hand but I don't. I wouldn't want to push my luck.

I look up the time on my phone and realize that fourth period ended and I'm probably in trouble. "I better get going."

TJ gets up, "Oh, um, ok. It was nice talking to you, Cyrus."

"You too, TJ."

"Um, I'll see you around?"

Those green eyes again. This time, I see this longing in them. I give him a smile and say, "Of course."


	6. I'm a Fool (Let That Sink In)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can, please leave a comment, doesn't matter how short or long it is. I just want to know if you guys are enjoying the story and what I can do to improve it ♡ My motivation has been on the rocks lately.
> 
> Thanks,  
AndiMackSnapshots

I actually spoke to him. I didn’t freeze up this time or come off as an insensitive jerk. I almost wanna give myself a high-five - but that would be weird. I doubt the team would want a total headcase for a Captain. I’ll keep my lunacy where it belongs, behind closed doors… among other things.

Just putting this out there - I’m a fool for chasing after nothing. I’m a fool for chasing after anything. I never do seem to learn. I dunno if it’s because I suffer from some kind of arrogant-jock-complex or I’m just really freaking stubborn. Or both. I managed to redeem myself yesterday by talking to Cyrus and not scaring him off.

I would never want to scare someone like him away. 

It’s just that the first time I ever tried to talk to him it didn’t go so well. I mean, I could place the blame on Marty. But what good would that do? I should probably elaborate.

It was back in ninth grade. Marty and I had been friends for a few months at this point. He was the new kid from D.C. and with a little help and talking to Coach Reznikoff, Marty found a place on Grant’s track team. He was grateful that someone was willing to go through so much trouble for him and I was happy to have met someone who didn’t just look at me and think ** _scary basketball guy _** or ** _Toxic TJ_ ** (my personal favorite).

And one day during lunch, Marty sees me walking by with a tray and calls me over to sit with his friends. It was then that I noticed one of his friends is Cyrus Goodman.

_“Hey, Teej!” Marty hollers and waves his hands. _

_ I sheepishly and hesitantly walk towards him, “Uh, hey. What’s up?” _

_ Marty gives me one of his trademark smiles, “Nothin’ dude! Wanna sit with us?” _

_ I stare down at my tray, not wanting to answer that question. But, nonetheless, I feel the pressure to join them and take a seat next to Marty. Completely avoiding eye contact with everyone. I’m already off to a great start. _

_ “Bro, cat got your tongue or something?” Marty asks, chuckling. _

_ “Nope. I’m good.” I say, still staring at my food. Ugh. I barely want to eat at all now. _

_ Marty gives me a pat on the back and then says, “Let me introduce you to da crew!” _

_ He then proceeds to point at each person and tell me their names. Though, I already knew these people back in Jefferson. But I guess I could use a refresher. All I manage is a nod and a very-low-almost-like-a-whisper “Hi”. The rest of the table gives an equally unenthusiastic greeting. It’s what I deserve. _

_ I barely speak during lunch, and there were many times Marty tried to be all inclusive and let me in on their conversations. But I had absolutely nothing to add. I can already tell Buffy doesn’t think too highly of me. I can feel her eyes on me and mentally tearing me apart. I can’t blame her though. And then there’s Cyrus. Sweet Cyrus. _

_ “So, TJ, are you going to be Captain for The Blades?” Cyrus asks. _

_ I awkwardly look at him, like a deer on freaking headlights. _

_ “Um, well. I’m, um, just a freshman. I’m lucky if I get on the team.” I say finally. I can feel myself sinking into my seat. _

_ Cyrus smiles at me, “Of course you’ll be on the team! You’re TJ Kippen!” _

_ Yeah, I’m TJ Kippen. Why doesn’t it feel as cool as people make it out to be? I’m acting like such a damn fool right now. What Cyrus doesn’t realize is that the great TJ Kippen is the biggest coward on the planet. I’d hate to see the look of disappointment on his face should he ever find out the truth about me. That would, without a doubt, break me. _

_ “Um, Marty. I gotta go.” I say getting up from my seat, ready to bolt. _

_ “Why so soon?” Marty says. _

_ “I, uh, have a math class to get to.” Which isn’t a total lie. I do. But it isn’t for another 15 minutes. Honestly, it’s better than having to sit here for another minute. Another second. _

_ “Um, alright, bro. Catch you later.” _

_ “What’s with your friend?” Buffy says. _

_ “Jeez. Go easy on him he’s just a little shy,” says Marty, arms crossed. _

_ “He looked like he didn’t want to be here,” says Andi. “Did you force him to?” _

_ Marty huffs, “I didn’t force him to do anything!” _

_ “I think we’re unfairly judging TJ,” adds Cyrus. “Maybe he’s having a bad day?” _

_ Buffy purses her lips, “Yeah, I guess. But I’m not convinced.” _

_ “TJ is good people. Can we please change the subject?” Marty says. _

_ I look over my shoulder one last time before leaving the cafeteria. For a split second, I could’ve sworn that Cyrus was looking back at me. _

_ For all I know, I was probably just seeing things. _

The sound of a locker closing takes me out of this ** lovely ** memory trip. Thank God, ‘cause it’s not one I like to revisit. I’m almost happy that I have a math class, I can overwork my brain on something else for a change. Maybe I’ll have better luck solving the Pythagorean Theorem. 

After school, Amber is waiting outside her car in the parking lot. 

I run towards the car and jump into the backseat, greeting Amber, and Iris who is sitting in the passenger seat. Amber then pulls out of the parking lot and we leave the school grounds.

Amber and Iris are engaged in a passionate conversation about the upcoming play, I think it’s Grease, I don’t know. I must’ve spaced out for a bit because before I knew it, Amber was shouting my name.

“TJ! About time! I was trying to get your attention for almost five minutes. Are you okay?”

“Sorry, Amber. Don’t worry, I’m good.” I hope she doesn’t start prying, I know she gets protective at times. Just don’t wanna deal with any digging questions right now, I get enough of that at home.

She shrugs and it looks like she won’t get too personal, “Alright, just seems like your mind is floating in space lately, even more so than how it usually is.”

I roll my eyes at that, “Very funny.” Amber, my cousin, a delight as always.

I notice her pulling up to the Spoon, she’s not working today but she usually treats Iris and myself every so often. The perks of getting an employee discount.

Amber parks in front of the diner, “I’ll be back, guys. The usuals?” Both Iris and I say “Yeah”.

Once Amber goes inside, Iris turns to me and smiles, “How’s everything going with the team?”

I return the smile, Iris always tries her hardest to make small talk with me and make me feel welcome. We don’t have a whole lot in common, but she’s one of the very few people that actually treats me like a person.

“As good as it can possibly be.” I stay quiet for a moment trying to figure out what to say next. “And you? Any plans with Amber after she drops me off?”

Iris’ demeanor takes an unexpected turn. She’s no longer facing me and her tone isn’t filled with its usual sweetness. “I was hoping to spend some quality time with Amber,” she lets out a sigh and pulls on a loose hem of her sweater, “But I have to babysit my little brother, again.”

I move forward in my seat and place my hand on Iris’ arm, “Hey, is something going on?”

Iris barely wants to make eye contact and it’s worrying me. “It’s just. I don’t know. My parents work so much. They’re barely home anymore and I’m stuck looking after him, more than usual. And it’s unfair. And I feel so selfish for saying that!” She says and then places a hand over her mouth. God, she’s trying so hard not to cry and it’s breaking my heart.

I don’t say anything right away and let her calm down for a bit. 

“You’re not selfish at all. You’re one of the most unselfish, kindest people I know. It’s really unfair that your parents are dumping all of that responsibility on you.”

Iris finally looks at me, teary-eyed, “‘I love my brother, TJ. I would do anything for him. I-I just can’t keep-” 

“I know you do. And I’m sure Amber does too.” I give her a tissue, my other hand still on her arm. I’m kinda afraid to let go of it, like she’ll disappear or float away.

Iris blows her nose. “Oh, Amber. She’s so good to me and I barely have time for her these days. I’m an awful girlfriend.”

“She adores you, Iris. I know ‘cause she never shuts up about you.” Iris lets out a little laugh and wipes a tear away. “Why don’t you go over to Amber’s place for a bit? Maybe that’ll help?”

More tears stream down her cheeks. _  
_

_Way to go, TJ._

I’m trying to figure out what else to say but I should probably keep my mouth shut. All that comes out is an “I’m sorry.” 

_Yeah, ‘cause that’s gonna help. _

And then a little light bulb goes off in my head. It’s worth a shot. “Iris, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I take Declan to the Jackson Street Gym during my shifts? He’ll be around other kids, supervised, of course, and he’d be getting some exercise too.”

Iris sniffles for a bit. In a strained voice, she says, “I couldn’t ask you to do that, TJ. That kid, I’m telling you, all he likes to do these days is play on his Nintendo Switch, eat way too much junk food no matter how much I ask him to eat healthy stuff, and sneak into our parent’s room to watch horror movies. He’s out of control.”

“I deal with kids like that all the time. He can let out all of that energy at the Gym. I really don’t mind, Iris. You deserve to have time for yourself.”

Iris ponders on the offer while my fingers tap on the windowsill anxiously. I wouldn’t say it’s the most innovative plan I have ever come up with, let’s be real here, but I just want Iris, and by extension Amber, to know that they have someone on their side and will do what they can to help.

Iris looks down for a moment, but then her eyes meet up with mine and she smiles, “Ok, you got a deal.” We shake hands as Amber exits the Spoon with our food.

Amber enters the car, “So, what did you guys talk about?”

Iris says, “Just catching up.” And she gives me a little wink and I give her one back.

Amber beams, turns on the ignition, and plays her Hayley Kiyoko playlist on full blast.


	7. The Great Muffin Debate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wishing you all a Happy New Year! 🎉🎆

**FROM: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 19 at 9:05 PM

**SUBJECT: **Cave-freaking-town!!!

Hey Green,

I doubt you’re as scary as you think you are (or as scary as people see you). You seem like a really nice guy just waiting to come out…oops, that wasn’t intentional. Apologies. But seriously, I firmly believe that there’s a light in everyone. A good friend once told me in my darkest hour that “there’s nothing wrong with me” and now I’m going to pay it forward and give this nugget of wisdom back to you… There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, Green. Nothing. And I won’t listen to any counter arguments to this because I’m stubborn and sense the goodness within you.

NO WAY!!! You love Cavetown?!?! I do too!!! His music speaks to me in so many ways, I swear, it’s like he took a peek inside my journal (hypothetically speaking of course, I don’t actually have a journal) or my mind and turned them into wonderfully crafted songs. I wish I had his talent. *dramatic sigh* And, for the record, I think it’s cute that your parents love music and love you enough to name you after artists they love. I feel the love, it’s really real (my music nerd is showing too, teehee). 

Ohhhh that, hahaha. I didn’t realize I had typed that question mark. Yes, I am without a doubt, 100%, a wholesome Jewish boy. I hope that’s ok haha. What about you? You should try some Challah, it’s quite good (and kinda addictive 😬). I’ll attach a pic to entice your taste buds 😋

P.S. As much as I love a nice, toasty challah (especially on a crisp fall day), I’m still a total muffin lover at heart. Always will. Sorry Mom and Dad! 😩

Take Care,

MuffinBoy

**FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 20 at 5:45 PM

**SUBJECT: **Muffins Amiright?

Hey MuffinBoy,

How’s it crumblin’? Get it? ‘Cause muffins are warm and crumbly 🤣 🤣 🤣 Well… I thought it was funny. I gotta say, MuffinBoy, you truly are a ray of sunshine :D Thank you so much! I haven’t felt this good about myself in a while... And it’s crazy (in a good way) how you think so highly of me even though we’ve never met. It’s hard to put into words how your words made feel. Let’s just say I really needed them. 

School’s been such a pain in the place-where-the-sun-don’t-shine. Whatever shred of sanity I got left I owe it to 1.) eating my feelings away, 2.) watching Shrek 2 for the 9 millionth time (10 millionth? Idk I lost track lmfao), and 3.) your existence and our emails. I low-key feel like Finn from Adventure Time whenever I email you. It’s like taking a trip out of my dumb, mundane life into this magical world far, far away where I don’t have to worry about anything. It’s awesome AF. 

_ starts singing Come Along With Me like I’m in 5__th _ _ grade. _ (don’t judge) _ . _

Dude! I never thought I’d find someone who likes Cavetown as much as I do! I’m not much of hugger but if I could, I’d give you the biggest one. What’s your favorite song? (I wouldn’t blame you if you answered C. All of the Above because, same). Yeah, I guess that was my parent’s strange way of expressing their love for me (also, I see what you did there with that song reference 😉). One thing you should know about my parents is that they’re… unorthodox. The best way to describe them (under 140 characters) is that they’re, like, modern hippies and I’m their little flower child. (God, I freaking cringed typing that but it’s the truth. Ugh.) I’mma just leave it at that.

OOOOHHH, I’m drooling. That looks Challah-rific! Ahh, ok, thanks for clearing that up lol. I’m not religious or spiritual in any shape or form. Hope that’s fine.

Take Care,

-Green

**FROM: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 21 at 9:21 AM

**SUBJECT: re: **Muffins Amiright?

Green,

Sounds to me like you’re quite the muffin connoisseur yourself. Do you have a favorite muffin? Awe! I’m super duper glad I got you to smile, even if it’s just a little. I meant every word! I’m sorry school’s been a pain, I completely understand :(

OMG! ADVENTURE TIME! Ajhabajsbfhd. I totally forgot about that show! I used to watch it all the time, until the airings became too inconsistent, my current cartoon of choice is Steven Universe. 

_ *sings Come Along With Me too* _ This is a judge-free zone, don’t worry ;). I got ‘chu like Pikachu. 

My favorite song is Lemon Boy! Words can’t possibly describe how much I connect with that song. What are your top 5 Cavetown songs?? I want a special Green playlist delivered to my inbox soon. Or even better! Green in the flesh! Oh, well, a boy can dream… 

So you’re a Shrek fan? My parents took me to Universal Studios a few years ago and meeting Shrek was the most exciting part of that trip (yes I’m aware that was just an actor in costume but it was still exciting). Next time I go there, I’ll make sure to tell Mr. Shrek that you’re his biggest fan and maybe get an autograph? A hug? A piece of his swamp? Just say the word and I’ll do it! Seems like Shrek 2 is your fave, it would make sense that you love the first one as well, right? What are your thoughts on the 3rd & 4th films & Puss in Boots?

Modern day hippies… I don’t quite know what to think of that. Um, do they believe in vaccinations? Sorry if that’s too personal of a question to ask. You totally don’t have to answer that. But I will admit that I may have squealed when I read “flower child”. And I totally DID NOT imagine you wearing a flower crown. LOL. And this is the part where you never speak to me again. Oops.  
  
This was fun and I enjoyed every minute of it.  
  


Sincerely,

MuffinBoy

**September 22 at 2:31 PM**

(Notification: new message in chat)

> **MuffinBoy:** Hi stranger! ;)
> 
> **Green:** Oh hey! I was just in the middle of replying to your email.
> 
> **Green:** ;)
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** It’s funny, I’m normally not this forward, but I saw that you were online & I decided to see if you wanted to chat.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Is that ok??
> 
> **Green:** Yeah, I got some time before I gotta go. No worries!
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** YAAAYYY!!!
> 
> **Green:** :D
> 
> **Green:** Ppl aren’t this happy 2 talk 2 me
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Tish tosh apple sauce!
> 
> **Green:** ???
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Um, how do i explain this? It’s my way of saying that’s “baloney”
> 
> **Green:** Nobody says “that’s baloney”
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Ok. Bad example.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** It’s like my way of saying “BS”
> 
> **Green:** Ahhhh. Got it. You can’t swear?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Nope. I will be grounded forever.
> 
> **Green:** Damn.
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **Darn. Indeed.
> 
> **Green:** Exactly, darn, I’ll watch my mouth if it’ll make you more comfortable (or in this case “watch my fingers”).
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** LMFAOOOO
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I mean lmao…
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Lol.
> 
> **Green:** Lulz. Welcome to the Dark Side. We’ve got cookies.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Ooooo! What kind??
> 
> **Green:** Halloween Oreos ‘cause i’m spooky boi :p
> 
> **Green:** Ok, well, I don’t. But I got M&Ms. Green ones.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Is that why you call yourself Green???? :O
> 
> **Green:** No.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Oh pooh.
> 
> **Green:** Winnie the Pooh?
> 
> **MuffinBoy**: You’re making fun of me!
> 
> **Green:** I swear I’m not.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Teehee, that’s okay. I get that all the time.
> 
> **Green:** It’s cute. You’re cute.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** *blushes*
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** So, Shrek? 
> 
> **Green:** What about it?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** What’s the deal with that?
> 
> **Green:** Shrek is life. iM a dOnKeY.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Deary dear, are you always this cringey?
> 
> **Green:** Depends on your definition of cringey. 🤔
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Ooooh. Shots fired. But seriously, which is your favorite movie???
> 
> **Green:** If you have to ask you’ll never know.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Plsssss I need to knooooowwww!!!
> 
> **Green:** Jeez… all you had to do was say ‘please’. I love Shrek 1 & 2 and Forever After is a guilty pleasure. You’re welcome.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** What a sass! Tsk, tsk. Thoughts on Puss in Boots, Mr. Sassypants?
> 
> **Green:** I wish I could adopt Antonio Banderas. That’s all.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
> 
> **Green:** Got tutoring G2G
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** *sigh* all good things must come to an end.
> 
> **Green:** Ummm, are you always this dramatic?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Yessir. And I OWN it.
> 
> **Green:** Good 4 U. Bye.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Woah, that sounded kinda… angry?
> 
> **Green:** Oops, Bye, MuffinBoi <3 I promise I’m not angwry.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Auf wiedersehen, Monsieur Green.
> 
> **Green:** Adios, my Lemon Boy.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** 🥰🥰🍋🍋
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Wait! You didn’t answer my question about muffins!
> 
> **Green:** I promise I’ll give you an answer soon! I really G2G.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Sorry! I’m the worst with goodbyes.
> 
> **Green:** With you it’s never goodbye :) TTYL.

_Green has left the chat _

**FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 22 at 9:59 PM

**SUBJECT: re: **Muffins Amiright?

MuffinBoy,

As promised, here is my reply. I’m a boy of my word ;D Pretty hot huh? JK. I still believe in chivalry and one day when i’m out of this mess i’m in I will take you by the hand and we’ll run off into the sunset on my trusty steed (which is gonna take a while to find one lol). 

Anyway. Let’s get down to buiz-ness *cracks knuckles* My favorite muffin is oddly specific, it’s **blueberry macadamia**. How can I possibly describe how delicious these babies are? I spent a while thinking about this but all I came up with was “If I was gay for a muffin it would be those.” I’ll admit that’s not the most eloquent response but it’s an honest one ‘cause I like to keep it real. None of that “fake ish” as one of my friends calls it. What’s your fave, Sir MuffinBoy? 

I would love to have a piece of Mr. Shrek’s swamp! It would be my 4-year-old self’s dream come true. Buuuuuttt an autograph or a hug will be enough. I don’t want you to get attacked by a moody, antisocial ogre. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if something bad ever happened to you, ** _especially_ ** if I was the cause of it. You’re very sweet tho for offering :). 

I’ll take a rain check on that playlist. I want to make sure it hits all the right notes ;) Fave Cavetown songs will definitely be included, I pinky swear.

Lmao, you’re good. No offense was taken. My parents do believe in vaccinations, I got my shots, it’s all good. They’re not hardcore hippies or anything extreme like that. They just really care about the environment, re-using and recycling materials, veganism, anti-capitalism, anti-materialism. That kind of stuff. They’re also very into that D.I.Y (Do It Yourself) lifestyle. My dad has his own vegetable garden and he’s been taking care of it since probably before I was born. About 95% of what my mom wears was made by her own two hands, she seldom buys clothes from the store. When I was very little she made all of my clothes but as I got older (and dressed myself) I had to convince her to let me buy stuff at the store so I would fit in better. It took awhile but she came around. Occasionally, she likes to make me a tie-dye shirt. I’ve got a ton of those.   
  
P.S. I think **YOU** would look the cutest in a flower crown. More than I ever could.  


-Green

**FROM: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 23 at 12:17 PM

**SUBJECT: re: **Muffins Amiright?

Green,

Blueberry Macadamia! Interesting, very interesting. Where have you tried this marvel of a muffin? I’ve never had one of these. Do they even exist? Where did you find these? I’m going to be having long daydreams of these majestic muffins. Yes, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. But I’m sure you already knew that. Well, Sir Green, my muffin of choice are the Chocolate Chocolate Chip kind in case you haven’t already noticed in my username. I’m not exactly subtle. But neither are you so it’s good. 

It’s hard to think of a more perfect food, chocolate chocolate chip muffins double as a breakfast and a dessert. The ones they have at school are especially delightful! My mouth is watering as I type, lol. It’s all worth it when I make it to the end of the line and there’s actually a muffin waiting for me. It’s truly a blessing 😇 Sadly, more often than not, the muffins are already gone 😔

Hmmm, that’s funny, I too have a friend that says “fake ish”. Must be a thing that a lot of boys our age say a lot, apparently.

I’ll be awaiting your playlist m'lord (and to ride off with you on your trusty steed!) And yes, it’s very hot that you kept your word ;). Don’t sell yourself short like that, my good Sir. I, too, still want to believe in chivalry and romance (I’m such a hopeless romantic. Send help.) Oh tish-tosh! I would proudly face all of Farquaad’s royal guards and even that army of ogres from Forever After to see that moment of happiness when you get that piece of his swamp (I’ll just have to fetch my own suit of armor to face them, huzzah!) 

Soooooo, where can I get one of those tie-dye shirts?? Would your mother consider selling her creations? I think it’s very sweet and awesome that your parents care about the environment. Global warming is a serious and scary issue D: I’m also relieved to know that you got your shots, lol. They’re Pro-Science hippies :D I wanna meet them someday. Without them, you wouldn’t have existed and that would’ve been a travesty. I’m sure they’re proud to have such a kind, intelligent, and talented young man for a son.  
  
P.S. OMG! I’m blushing like a tomato!!! Any plans for Halloween? 🎃🍬  
  


MuffinBoy 

**FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE: **September 24 at 7:24 PM

**SUBJECT: **Spooky Kooky 

MB,

Your fascination with my fave muffin is adorable, by the way. But, seriously, it’s not as uncommon as you think. I had one on a trip to Southern California, bakeries there have them everywhere. And I swear, it’s like biting into sunshine. Dude, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried one. Ah, so you’re in love with the choco-choco? I don’t blame ya, they’re pretty darn good! (See? I’m a good boy I didn’t say the bad word). They’re pretty simple but tasty, however, if you want nuance and complementary flavors in your muffin, blueberry macadamia's the way to go. 😎

Oh wow. I feel called out by that statement “neither are you so it’s good.” But you’re right, I’m not subtle at all. 

That’s really too bad :( MuffinBoy should be able to eat a darn muffin. You gotta promise me that you’re gonna grab a muffin and walk away like a boss. Walk to that muffin like you already own it. You can do it. 

Haha, m’lord, I like that a little too much. I have this strange urge to curtsy in front of a screen? I might have to borrow one of my mom’s skirts for that. Yeah... I’m a weirdo too. I gotta say, I was pretty swoon over your medieval-renaissance type of language. You have such a way with words, MB. Reading your emails is like reading a poem or maybe even a love letter. But that’s wishful thinking on my part. Love is a strange and complicated thing and I have no business finding it. 

Unfortunately, I can’t guarantee a tie-dye shirt for you as that would require me to reveal myself to you… and I’m just not ready for that yet. Again, I’m so sorry about that. It kills me to not know the boy behind the screen ‘cause I wanna know him so badly. And I want you to know me too. I’m such a coward and don’t try to deny it. I just got too much stuff going on right now. I really hope you’ll understand but it’s cool if you don’t want to wait around either. As for my parents, I hope I make them proud but there’s some stuff about me that they don’t know. Yeah, they love me now, but will they keep loving me? I’m scared just thinking about it.  
  
P.S. Just one of the many services I provide ;). Umm, Halloween plans? I’m not really doing anything, just staying at home and handing out candy. What about you?  
  


Yours Truly,

Green 

a.k.a Spooky Kooky Boi 👻

**September 27 at 6:05 PM**

(Notification: new message in chat)

> **MuffinBoy:** I just read your email! I’m shooketh to the core!
> 
> **Green:** Why? Did I say something wrong?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Sorta.
> 
> **Green:** I’m really sorry.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I just. IDK. How can you possibly think Blueberry Macadamia is better than Chocolate Chocolate Chip???
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** 😭😭😭😭😭😭
> 
> **Green:** Oh… that’s what’s got you bothered?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Obviously!
> 
> **Green:** You gotta chill. It’s just my opinion.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I’m having trouble processing your opinion. And I always try to be an open-minded individual. But this is too hard!
> 
> **Green:** I broke you 😈
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** IDK how things are done in California, but up here in Shadyside we love our choco-choco-chip muffins.
> 
> **Green:** Well, EXCUSE ME!!! For your information I’m 100% Shadyside, born and raised. I just have family from Cali.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** TRAITOR!!! Me and my family are Shadyside loyalists.
> 
> **Green:** I see, second generation supremacy coming from your end.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** THIS IS WAR!!!!
> 
> **Green:** We shall see which muffin truly is the best, & who’s just a big whiny-baby.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Hmmph!
> 
> **Green:** 😛😛😛😛😛😛
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** *sigh* why are you so cute!!!
> 
> **Green:** Nah. You’re the cute one.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** 😳😳😳😳😳
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I gotta go eat dinner. We’ll continue this another time.
> 
> **Green:** Looking forward to it.

_ MuffinBoy has left the chat _


	8. Marty's Lit Halloween Bash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DISCLAIMER: _There’s mentions of drinking and drug use, homophobic language, slight OOC moments, and other slightly more mature topics. Basically, it’s more of a Love, Simon type of chapter as opposed to an Andi Mack one._**
> 
> **A/N:** _This will be the last chapter posted in a while as we’re busy with school and work. The next chapters will be posted more sporadically. As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter and let us know what you think. Thanks!_

I approach Jonah at his table. He looks up at me, surprised but content.

"Hey, Joey B!" I say. 

_I so miss calling him that._

"Cy-Guy! What's up?" Jonah says pulling me into one of those "bro" hugs. I've never been good at those no matter how many times Buffy attempted to train me. Thankfully, Jonah doesn't notice.

I give a little shrug, "Oh, you know, the sky?"

Jonah giggles and his dimples are very prominent. "You always did crack me up!"

The others at his table don't seem too pleased that I'm there and my smile fades. I awkwardly look down at my shoes.

"Was there something you wanted to ask me?" He says.

I move my gaze from my shoes to his beautiful green eyes. And I feel calm again. I should just focus on Jonah and no one else.

I stumble over my words and Jonah says, "Is this about your audition? Do you want me to help you with your song?"

Oh Lord. He is such a gentleman. Isn't he? He is definitely "boyfriend" material. I don't care what Buffy says. He's a keeper.

"Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house for Hanukkah?"

"Cyrus, why are you asking now? That's not 'til December right?" He says and his eyes are adorably blinking with confusion.

I can feel my cheeks blushing. "You know my mom. She likes to plan things way ahead of time."

"Oh, right." He then looks down. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Now I'm blinking with confusion (hopefully I look half as cute). "Why do you say that? My parents know you. They'd be more than happy to have you over!"

"No, it's not your parents, Cyrus." He sighs. "It's me."

I raise an eyebrow at him. I'm resisting the urge to shower him with compliments. But before I open my mouth, he says "I'm not 'Jewish' enough. Like, I'm half Jewish and we celebrate Chrismukkah. It's a weird combination of Christmas and Hanukkah."

I clear my throat so I don't giggle, "Jonah, you're plenty Jewish. It's ok if you celebrate differently. I think it's really cool that you get to celebrate both holidays."

Jonah smiles a little, "You're the best. And yeah, I guess it's cool. But, really, it's just an excuse for my parents to spoil me."

I place a hand on his shoulder. "Believe me, I get it. Y'know? Being an only child too."

After that little chat, I join my friends and feel the wrath of Buffy's glare. She has her arms crossed and her nose scrunched up.

I turn back to look at Jonah but my gaze falls on TJ. He's sitting with some boys, his teammates I assume. He looks sad. I think back to our conversation in the Gym a week ago, and him mentioning that he has rough days. I can only imagine the kind of pressure he feels on a daily basis. I'm starting to wonder if I should have approached him instead of Jonah?

Nevertheless, I start talking with Andi and eating my lunch. Marty has spent his lunch period passing out invitations to his and I quote "Lit Halloween Bash". I'm surprised he didn't go with his trademark "Par-taaaayyyy!"

"So, what did you and Jonah talk about?" Andi asks, enjoying some vanilla pudding.

"Nothing much, just the holidays. Thought it'd be nice to invite him over."

Buffy just rolls her eyes at that. To say she hasn't been a Jonah Beck fan in recent years would be the understatement of the decade.

"By the way, you'll never guess who actually spoke to me on Friday." I change the subject before Buffy could throw in a snide comment.

"Is this a hypothetical question or are we allowed to guess?" Andi asks while taking a spoonful of pudding.

"I'll tell you... TJ Kippen!" I excitedly say, part of me still can't believe it actually happened.

"C'mon, Cyrus, quit playing around. Who did you talk to?" Buffy scoffs. _  
_

_Why doesn't she believe me?_

Andi's looking at me skeptically as well.

"I'm serious, guys! TJ Kippen spoke to me on Friday, it happened around fourth period."

"Are you talking about the same TJ who completely blew us off when Marty invited him to sit with us back in Freshman year?" Buffy asks.

"The same TJ that always looks ready to punch out anyone that even breathes his air?" Andi adds. 

Though, I'm not sure why she says it like that. Yes, his face can be a bit intimidating but as far as I've heard, he's never actually punched anyone - especially over breathing.

"Guys! I'm being serious! We talked, and he was really nice. He actually knew my name and he remembers our dress code protest from Jefferson. Don't worry, Andi, I gave you all the credit for that."

"Um, credit is the least of my worries." Andi says, voice laced with concern.

"Andi, I promise you have absolutely no reason to be worried. Zero, zilch, nada." Before I could continue to say my piece, Marty joins us at the table with a triumphant look on his face.

"Guys, this bash is gonna be the talk of the town! I handed out so many invites, I don't think there's gonna be a single person that won't be there." Marty says, wrapping an arm around Buffy's shoulder.

"I hope one of the people you invited is a good doctor because you're gonna need one if your aunt and uncle find out." Buffy points out to her boyfriend.

> **FROM:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com
> 
> **TO:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com
> 
> **DATE:** September 27 at 6:37 PM
> 
> **SUBJECT: re:** Spooky Kooky
> 
> Green,
> 
> I need to get this out of my system (apologies in advance if you get this a lot) but... I WANT TO GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUG I POSSIBLY CAN!!! (puny arms and all) The last part of your email left a hole in my heart 😢💔
> 
> I'm willing to let the "Muffin Debate" slide. I was mostly trolling you with that declaration of war. We can totally agree to disagree! One day, when you're ready, I will PROVE to you, once and for all, that choco-choco-chip is the superior muffin. I've got all the "receipts" and my parents have told me in the past that I'd make a great defense attorney because of how persuasive I can be ;D
> 
> Awe!!! You're the sweetest and the bestest! (Let's pretend that's an actual word lol). Hopefully, I'll put on my big boi pants and get me a darn muffin! This boi hungry, feisty, and very gay. A lethal combination imho.
> 
> Let's be weirdos together :D it's way more fun. Imagining you in a skirt is very... distracting for lack of a better word. I mean that in a good way. I'm pleasantly surprised that I swept you off your feet! I'll be sure to keep note of that, it'll come in handy. ;)
> 
> My sweet Green 💚 if you want to see my emails as a poem and/or a love-letter you absolutely can! I have no objections to that :) I feel emotional just even thinking about it. Come to think of it, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster this whole week. I'm going to be in a school play and we're going off book soon and that's got me SO stressed 😰😰😰
> 
> Now it's my turn to apologize. I really need to stop pressuring you to tell me who you are :( I need to respect that. I have no problems with waiting, I'm very patient and I pinky swear I'm not going anywhere. Yes, love is complicated but I still think it's worth fighting for - which probably makes me sound very naive. In the worst case scenario (if your parents don't accept you), I will be here for you no matter what. I like you just the way you are 💖🌈
> 
> P.S. My Halloween plans are going to a party with some friends. I don't even know what costume I'm going to wear! Oh the horror! 😬 I'd rather hand out candy to kids, it sounds less stressful than a party full of hormonal teenagers. Thankfully,I got mom on speed-dial just in case things get too crazy lol.
> 
> Love,
> 
> MuffinBoy
> 
> a.k.a Your Semi-Secret Admirer 🍭

It's the night of Marty's party and I'm looking over my costume one more time. Andi decided that the four of us would do a group costume.

The first time we ever did that was back in 8th grade when Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and I went to school on Costume Day dressed as Mount Rushmore. This year, Andi suggested that we go dressed as The Four Seasons. Imagine my disappointment when I realized she wasn't talking about Frankie Valli's singing group. 

Each one of us would be dressed as seasonings, she'll be Pepper, Buffy will be Paprika, Marty will be Cinnamon, which leaves me as Salt. My all-white outfit, minus the black "S" on my shirt, is topped off with my mom's colander.

There's a knock at my door - that must be Andi. I go to open the door and needless to say, Andi's pepper costume looks a lot different from my salt one.

I tilt my head curiously, "Ah, the pepper to my salt! I think?"

Andi pouts. I drop my head down in shame, "I'm sorry, that was wrong of me. You did a very good job on these costumes!"

She sighs, "Thanks, but I'm still salty that Marty ditched. I get it, it's his party, but he promised to be part of our costume and out of nowhere changes his mind."

Before we leave, my parents give me a lecture about not staying out too late and not getting involved in any wild "shenanigans". _Who talks like that?_ I swear, my mother speaks like a 1950s mom at times, it's very strange. I tell her that I will be back no later than 10pm. We'll see how well I keep that promise.

Andi and I meet up with Buffy at her house and Andi goes from salty to bitter.

"Not you too!" Andi says, hands in the air.

"I know, I'm sorry! It was a last minute thing, I should've told you. Please don't be mad!" Buffy says, doing her best puppy eyes.

"You're just as bad as Marty!"

"Andi please! I don't want to fight. Marty wants us to get there early to help him."

Andi scoffs and stomps out the door.

"Um, ladies first?" I awkwardly say while holding the door open. Buffy grabs her coat and rolls her eyes.

On our way to Marty's place, we hear some jingling in the background. I look back to see that Onyx is following us, I crouch down and call her to me.

"Onyx! Where have you been girl?" I say, scooping up the cat in my arms.

Andi's expression softens, "Have you been following us this whole time?" The black fur-ball licks Andi's hand which causes her to giggle. "I told you to stay at AndiShack!"

Buffy approaches us, "Marty keeps blowing up my phone asking me where we are."

Andi takes Onyx from my arms. "You guys go. I'm gonna take her back home. I'll catch up with you later."

Buffy wraps her arm around mine and we continue our walk to Marty's house. Once we arrive, he's in the middle of setting up the living room for karaoke and an endless number of snacks in the kitchen.

"Finally! I was wondering what happened to y'all," He says.

"Andi's not in the best mood," says Buffy.

"Aw, is she still mad at me for not taking part of her costume?"

"Yeah, and now she's mad at me."

"Speaking of, are you going to change into your costume after setting up the snacks?" I say.

"Dude, what are you talking about? I'm already wearing it!" Marty says. I'm raising an eyebrow at him 'cause he's pretty much dressed as himself.

"Ok. I'm stumped. Who are you supposed to be?"

"I'm God."

Buffy and I look at each other and say, "God?"

Marty takes a look at his outfit and facepalms. "Oh man! I'm such an idiot!"

He then pulls something out of his pocket and searches for a marker. After that, he puts the sticker on his chest, it's a name tag that says **_Hello I am God_**.

Marty checks out Buffy's Harley Quinn costume. "How could anyone be mad at anyone lookin' this fine?" Marty twirls Buffy around and gives her a kiss.

I blush and go to the kitchen to fill out the snack bowls. _  
_

_I wish someone would compliment me like that. Who am I kidding? I have a stupid colander on my head. All anyone's gonna tell me is, "Hey, can you toss some salad?"_

I grab a soda from Marty's ice bucket and look around to see how much he's decorated. He has purple, green, and orange string lights from the living room all the way to the backyard. He even has a ping pong table out for reasons I don't know since he doesn't play the game. He also has an open pool, which again, who's gonna be swimming in October?

A couple of more people show up, one of them being Andi with Onyx, "She just won't stop following me! I decided I might as well make her something to wear." And I notice the cat is wearing an orange collar with bat wings.

"I always thought you were a little batty, Onyx!" I laugh at my own joke and she looks up at me, unimpressed. _  
_

_Tough crowd._

An hour or so later the party really begins. Kids are filling up the place and raiding the junk food. We received some compliments on our costumes but most clearly didn't get Andi's at all.

"Andy Warhol, cool!" One kid said.

"Um, are you that guy from My Chemical Romance?" Another one said.

Andi tried many times to explain her costume but eventually she just gave up. I go to refill our cups with fruit punch and I notice Jonah chatting with some people. I want to go up and say hi but then I remember how much of a wimp I am. Luckily, Jonah spots me and strikes up conversation. He really is a saint.

"Nice costume! Salt, right?" He says and I wanna melt into a pool of candy corn.

"Thanks! Andi made it - minus the colander, that's my mom's. I like your costume too. It's very... you!"

Jonah chuckles (while I'm getting flustered). "I didn't wear a costume." He leans in and whispers, "But if anyone asks, I'm dressed up as a kid before he finds out he has superpowers." Jonah winks and puts his index finger to his lips as if we're sharing a secret. _  
_

_This boy will be my undoing, I swear it._

All of a sudden, Buffy appears and proceeds to grab my arm, "_Excuse us, Jonah._ Cyrus, we have a problem."

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Onyx is running loose around here. Andi and I tried to find her but we're not having any luck."

_Aww, that poor kitty, she's probably scared. _

The three of us look all over the house. After about 15 minutes I feel close to giving up until I see a boy holding her gently in his arms. He's wearing sunglasses and is dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, board shorts, and flip flops.

"Onyx! Where have you been? Don't you dare leave us like that again!" I say running towards the cat, completely ignoring the cute boy holding her. I have trouble recognizing him because of the sunglasses but that soft, blond hair is familiar and then his voice.

"Uh, hey. Is this your cat?" The boy says giving me a shy smile.

I take the cat into my arms, "Well, she's actually my friend's. But I was left to look after her. I'm not allowed to have pets." And I can't help but pout after saying that.

"Oh, cool. She's really cute. The cat, I mean."

I'm absentmindedly petting Onyx, "Thanks for finding her, uh, dude!"

The boy takes off the sunglasses and puts them on his head, "Cyrus, it's me. TJ."

My eyes bug out, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! The glasses threw me off!"

TJ smiles, "Dude, don't sweat it. No offense taken."

I still feel bad, "I, uh, really like your costume. Who are you dressed as? Barack Obama?"

TJ laughs for a good five minutes, and I'm not sure if he's laughing at me or with me. It was a really lame joke so it's most likely the first option.

"That's the funniest thing I've heard in awhile! Good one! Actually, my outfit isn't that clever. It was Marty's idea for me to dress up as Summer."

"Summer suits you." I say, burying my face in Onyx's fur.

TJ awkwardly looks down at his tube socks and sandals. "I look like a huge dork. Isn't wearing socks and sandals, like, a fashion violation or something? I dunno, I'm clueless about these things." 

_I stand corrected, this boy is going to be my undoing. Help me, Jesus._

"But it's cold out, y'know?" He adds.

"On the contrary, it's very clever of you!" I say, and he looks up at me again. I guess that boosted his confidence a little.

"Nah, you're just saying that. But, thanks."

"I pinky swear I mean every word!"

TJ smiles at me, he has the kind of smile that can light up a room.

"You wanna go outside with me? It's honestly too crowded in here for my liking." He says while scratching behind Onyx's ears. I nod and walk with him to the balcony. 

From where I'm standing, I can see Buffy and Marty are dancing. My happiness fades when I find Jonah all cozy with Andi on a bench. TJ catches on to my sad expression.

"Hey, are you ok?" He asks.

I haven't noticed before, but he's got really nice green eyes. 

_Why do I have a thing for straight boys with green eyes? It makes my head want to explode!_

I let out a frustrated whimper and TJ moves closer to me, "Cyrus? What's wrong?"

I step back a little, "Sorry. I've got a lot on my mind."

"Do you want to sit somewhere and talk about it? Or I can walk you home?"

_Darn it, Cyrus! Don't you dare start crying. You're just gonna scare TJ away._

I sniffle, "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

"I'll admit that I've only been here a few times but I can help you find it?"

"Oh, no. It's ok, I don't wanna take up any more of your time."

"Trust me, you're not." TJ places an arm around my shoulder and helps me find the bathroom.

"Thanks, again." I say before closing the restroom door. Once I'm alone I start to let out a few sobs. _  
_

_Oh Jonah, why must you torture me? Why? It's not fair! Nothing's fair._

I pathetically sit on the bathroom floor with my knees to my chest. After a while, TJ knocks on the door to ask if I'm ready to come out.

In a weak voice I tell him, "I'm not ready. I think I'll just stay here the rest of the party."

TJ is silent for a bit and then says, "Can I come in?"

"You don't want to do that."

I can hear the door handle being twisted and TJ slowly stepping into the room. He sits on the floor with me and we don't speak but his presence here is enough. Unfortunately, our little moment of bliss is ended when an obnoxious and obviously drunk Marty loudly bangs on the door.

"Dude! Are you in there? The guys wanna play a round of Beer Pong! You're the reigning champ after all! Hello!" TJ buries his face in his hands and I'm confused by what Marty is saying.

"Beer Pong?" I say, feeling kinda disappointed.

TJ's whispering, I think it's to keep Marty from finding him, "They always pressure me to play that stupid game, it's like some kind of dumb jock ritual."

"Teej! I know you're in there! If you don't come out in the next 5 seconds I'm coming in!" Marty continues. 

_I really, really, really don't like it whenever Marty acts like this. It worries me._

"I'll be out in a minute!" TJ says finally, "I'm so sorry about all of this. I'd rather be here than with them. Peer-pressure sucks."

"I understand. Just do what you need to do. I'll be fine."

TJ gives me a sad look and then closes the door.

Eventually, I get kicked out of the bathroom by someone that **_really_** needed to go. So I grumpily go back downstairs and make a beeline for the snacks. _  
_

_I guess I'll just eat my pain away._

I see these tasty-looking brownies with the label "Fun". 

_I could use some fun right now._

I lose track of how many of these brownies I eat and I start to feel like I'm on another planet. And I gotta tell you, I'm feeling a lot better now! I feel like I could fly!

As I help myself to a few orange cream Oreos, I see where the karaoke is set up and it's like my feet have a mind of their own.

_Step aside Frankie Valli, Cyrus Goodman is in town! Bay-bay!_

I start singing "Tell It To My Heart" by Taylor... something? I don't know. Who cares. I sing like I'm on Broadway instead of some lame Halloween Party and I'm dancing like I'm in my bedroom.

A second person joins me mid-song. And he's really hot, kinda weak voice, but hot! He starts twerking and the crowd goes wild and I'm sweating like a fangirl and nearly fall off stage.

Once that song ends, we both start singing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" by Elton John and...um...some other person. Again, who cares? The hot boy is doing the sprinkler and all sorts of break-dancing. Can I marry him, like, right now? Dayum. _  
_

_Yeah, Mom, I said damn!_

I've never felt so gay in my 16 years of existence. Am I finally gonna get that first kiss? Ok, well, that first **gay** kiss? 'Cause I wasted my first on a girl! I'm so friggin dumb!

At the end of the song, I nearly pull hot boy into a kiss but he misses my lips and falls face-first on the floor. Everyone gets out their phones to take videos and laugh at us. All of a sudden I feel less free and more paranoid. I pull him up off the floor and suddenly he's yanked out of my arms by the Devil! Or at least a girl dressed like a devil.

"Hi, TJ! Would you excuse us, Cyrus?" That would be Kira, voice sickly sweet when addressing TJ but cold as ice towards me.

TJ's voice is slightly slurred as he tries to reason with her, "We're just hanging out, Kira. No big deal."

"No big deal? You're falling all over yourself, literally! You wouldn't want people to look at you and get the wrong idea just because of some beer." And with that, Kira drags TJ to the dance floor.

I can feel the anger coursing through my veins, I refuse to let her get away with this!

"Hey! Don't tell him what to do! He has a mind of his own!" I say, grabbing TJ's hand.

"Sorry, Cyrus, couldn't hear you over my not caring. Why don't you go look for your mommies?"

"Wow! Classic homophobe! Well, what was I expecting from you?" I sneer back at her.

Kira just rolls her eyes at me, "Wow, sensitive much? Is there something you're trying to tell me?"

I just stare into her eyes, not sure where my confidence came from all of a sudden, "What's it to you?"

"Whatever, I wasted enough of my time on you. C'mon, TJ, let's get you cleaned up."

I'm just standing here in the middle of a barely coherent crowd watching Kira lead TJ up the stairs. I don't even wanna think about what they'll be doing. I didn't think anything was gonna hurt more than watching Jonah with Andi, clearly I was wrong.

Andi comes looking for me with Onyx in her arms, "Cyrus, let's go. Buffy and I are leaving. She just got into a fight with Marty."

"What about? Is it anything serious? Or is this more like their 'Who's going into the NBA finals' fight?" They get heated about topics like that and make up five minutes later.

"No, this is serious. Marty had a little too much to drink and got too handsy with Buffy." Andi explains, her voice loud enough for me to hear over the music but not loud enough to be heard by the other party goers.

Buffy appears with our jackets, "Good, you found Cyrus. I just wanna get the hel..uh..heck out of here." We each put on our jackets as Andi lets Buffy hold Onyx for comfort.

As we walk home, Buffy looks at me like a concerned mother hen, "Cyrus have you been crying?"

"Uh, no."

"It's just that your eyes are pretty red. You're either crying or stoned." Buffy says bluntly.

"I plead the fifth." I start to panic again realizing that my mom's gonna kill me if she sees me like this.

"Calm down, Cyrus, put these on." Andi hands me a pair of her sunglasses and my mind goes back to TJ.

"Why are you just staring at them?"

"Um, no reason. Sorry, I spaced out." I put them on and walk Buffy back to hear house and then make a quick stop at AndiShack so that Andi could lay an exhausted Onyx on her cat-bed. Then we finally get to my house and my pulse races as I'm contemplating the punishment my folks will have in store when they see me like this.

"Relax, Cyrus. When we go in, just go straight to your room, I'll distract your parents."

As we go inside, I try to go up the stairs as quietly as I could but then...

"How was the party?" She lets out a gasp once she sees me, "Cyrus are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mother, all is completely well. I'm just very tired, possibly in need of a shower as well."

"Why are you wearing those sunglasses? It's dark out."

"Uh, I forgot I had these on. I feel so cool when I wear them." I make up at the top of my head.

"Cyrus, Andi. What's going on?"

Andi speaks up, "Cyrus is just really, really exhausted. I'm gonna help him to his room. Thank you for letting me stay over!" Andi says quickly as she pushes me up the stairs.

"Andi, you're part of the family, you don't have to ask."

"Exactly why I always love coming over. We'll see you in the morning. Goodnight!"

I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a slew of questions waiting for us in the morning, but for now I'm just grateful to Andi saving my neck enough for me to face them in a less intoxicated state.

After a well-needed shower and clean clothes, I'm finally able to lay down on my bed. Andi also changed into some comfortable clothes and she's curled up in a blanket next to the bed. She looks so tired and worn out, like she's got a lot on her mind.

"I'm making a vow to never go to any of Marty's parties from now on." I say with a little chuckle.

"Yeah, same," says Andi.

There's some silence between us before she speaks again.

"Have you ever felt like you're falling for someone all over again?" She asks. I can feel that stabbing pain in my gut that I felt at the party.

"Honestly? I feel... invisible. Like I'm forever destined to feel for someone and never have it returned."

Andi shifts her position to face me and she holds my hand, "I feel the exact same way."

Our hands stay that way for a minute or two, then they let go and I bring my blanket up to my chin.

I hear her release a tense breath, I'm personally not sure how much more I can listen to Andi confess her feelings for Jonah. But I let her say what's on her mind, uninterrupted.

"I don't even know why I started feeling this way, maybe these feelings have always been there and I just suppressed them. It sucks because everything was fine, I was fine, what we have now, that's fine. I just keep thinking back to when we were in Jefferson. I still remember your face when I told you I joined the ultimate team." She finishes that last statement with a chuckle.

Even I couldn't help but chuckle remembering that, "That was the last thing I ever thought you'd do." I say in my sleepy sounding voice. 

Truth be told, even though she was only on the Space Otters briefly, she was actually pretty good.

"That face, what is it about that face that can just perk my day better than a trip to the Cafe? I'm going into sappy Andi mode now and I don't know why I'm saying all this to you. Maybe there was something in that punch? I don't know. I'm still not sure how much I should be telling you this but I also feel safe somehow opening up to you. I'm sure if I told Buffy, she would say I was crazy. You make me feel safe, Cyrus. Safe and understood. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I don't say anything, I just breathe softly. "Cyrus? Are you still up?"

I still don't answer. _  
_

_What am I supposed to say?_

If I did say something, my voice would probably start to crack.

"Goodnight." Andi says sweetly and not too long after, I hear the gentle rhythm of her breathing, indicating that she's fallen asleep.

_Well... at least one of us was able to sleep peacefully._


	9. When You Knew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in updating this story. We hope this chapter makes up for the lost time. As always, enjoy it and let us know what you think.

“Hey, Cyrus. Finally up I see.” Andi says with a kind smile while I struggle to get out of bed.

I finally find some equilibrium and pick out my outfit for the day. As I go to the bathroom to do my morning routine, I can hear Andi on the other side of the door.

“Do you wanna go to The Spoon for breakfast?” Andi says.

That’s actually a pretty welcome suggestion, I did wake up feeling pretty hungry and their pancakes are to **die** for.

“Sure!” I say with a mouth full of toothpaste.

After getting myself all fresh and ready, Andi and I walk over to The Spoon. We sit at our usual booth and I order blueberry pancakes and she orders a veggie omelet. Our waitress asks if we want any coffee which I enthusiastically say yes to.

_ Bleh! This coffee tastes awful. _

“May I have another cup?” I raise my mug.

“Since when do you drink black coffee?” Andi asks.

“Might as well get used to it. Adults drink it like this, there must be a reason.”

“It’s just that when we go to the Pumpkin Spice Cafe, you usually order these really sugary drinks where the coffee is practically nonexistent.” She adds.

“SUGAR! That’s what this needs!” I put in generous spoonfuls of sugar in the black liquid. It’s still pretty strong from the lack of creamer but much tastier.

“Whoa, easy there, Cyrus. Remember your glucose levels.” Andi reminds me as she takes the remaining sugar packets away from me.

“To heck with my glucose levels!” I really don’t have it in me to worry about that.

Once our orders finally arrive, we eat them quietly and take our sweet time, savoring every bite.

“Cyrus, are we gonna talk about what I told you last night?” 

_ Oh no, I guess it was naive of me to think we wouldn’t talk about that. _

I wish it could’ve waited a few days later and the memories from that party weren’t so fresh in my mind.

“What’s there to talk about?” I say as nonchalantly as possible.

I’m not in the mood to hear more about Andi possibly falling for Jonah Beck again. I just can’t... because I’m weak and fragile. I should get that labeled on my head: ** _Caution Fragile Packaging. Tread Carefully._ **

“I would think there’d be plenty to talk about, I did say a lot last night.” She continues.

_ Oh, trust me, Andi. I know, I was there. _

I’m just sitting there, still quiet when her expression softens. “Oh, sorry, guess I just don’t understand social cues. I didn’t mean to make things awkward between us.” 

Now I’m feeling bad, she really has no way of knowing this talk would make me uncomfortable. She doesn’t even know I’m gay, how could she possibly know about my crush on her ex? 

“Can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?” She asks earnestly.

“I’m all for that.” 

I just wanna erase all traces of last night and forget about crushing on unattainable straight boys… with green eyes. 

We finish eating and pay our check. Andi and I talk some more on the way back to her house, our conversations have fortunately returned to our normal chatter.

In her living room, she asks, “So, if you’re not doing anything today, do you wanna go with me to the flea market? I need to get some art supplies.”

I take a quick look at my email app and see a new message. “Actually, I have a lot to do today. Thanks for the invite though.”

“No worries, I’ll ask Buffy. See ya at school.” Andi waves goodbye and walks over to AndiShack where she’s immediately greeted by Onyx.

Now as quick as a flash, I run (okay not exactly run, more like briskly walk) home, go up to my room and open my laptop.

I can feel my heart going ** _BA-BOOM BA-BOOM BA-BOOM_ ** as I open the newest message.

> **FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com 
> 
> **TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com
> 
> **DATE: **October 12 at 11:24 PM
> 
> **SUBJECT: re: **Spooky Kooky 
> 
> Hey,
> 
> Sorry for taking a while to write back, I got caught up with a lot of stuff. Whoopee. I guess that joke I made a while back about not replying to your messages hasn’t aged well 😅
> 
> Hahaha, that’s so cute. My mom always does wanna give me hugs (though sometimes it feels like she’s trying to squeeze the life out of me). But, hey, I’ll gladly take a hug from you. That’s one of the many things I look forward to once we meet :) Lots of hugs… maybe some hand holding? Anything that can help thaw that icy, cold heart of mine :/ As for the muffins, we’ll call this a draw? A cease fire? I dunno, this is my first debate. Anyway, so you were joshing me this whole time? xD ‘Cause you had me fooled. I genuinely thought that you were upset over muffins.
> 
> Man. I had a really awful night. Probably one of the worst I’ve had in a while. Part of me really wants to think it was all a bad dream but it wasn’t. I’ll spare you the ugly details. I’m just glad it’s over, Spooky Kooky Boi wants to go back to being Boring Gay Boi, it’s less complicated that way. Hope the party went well for you.
> 
> I say this a lot but you’re so dang sweet and I’m about to get into creepy territory but... I daydream about kissing you often and I’d really, really like to do that now. My hearts doing that dumb thumping sound as I type, it’s embarrasing. But, darn, you sure know how to compliment a guy. Thank you so much for accepting me the way I am, I honestly couldn’t ask for more. And you’re forgiven (I was gonna forgive you anyway ‘cause I’m a pushover when it comes to you). I promise once I get out of my shell I will make all the waiting worth it.
> 
> So, question. When did you know you were as gay as a bowl of skittles? 🌈
> 
> Love,
> 
> Green 
> 
> a.k.a The artist formerly known as Spooky Kooky Boi 👻

> **FROM: ** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com 
> 
> **TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com 
> 
> **DATE: **October 13 at 11:36 AM
> 
> **SUBJECT: **When You First Knew
> 
> Hi Green,
> 
> Don’t worry, I totally understand, just take care of yourself ok? You bet there will be lots of hand holding as well as long strolls in the park! 
> 
> Me? Get upset over muffins? Tish-tosh! And, yes, I was “joshing” you (although I have no idea who that is). I have a friend who likes to say that expression often. I guess I picked it up from him, he’s a strange fellow. 
> 
> Have I expressed my love of the swings yet? The mention of long strolls in the park made me think of them. It’s probably a bit weird that a 16 year old still loves the swings. It’s so much fun and very relaxing! And it’s something I’d very much like to do with you :D
> 
> **Side note:** I’m afraid of swinging too high D: It’s really embarrassing.
> 
> In regards to the party, let’s just say that I will not be attending any in a while. I’m sorry you had a bad night :( If you ever want to talk about it I’m all ears.
> 
> You wanna kiss me? That was quite the visual you left in my head 😳 and I’m flattered.
> 
> Oh, I was not expecting that question! But fear not, I will answer it as candidly as possible. 
> 
> So, I think I was around 11 and I watched High School Musical for the first time and I felt butterflies looking at Troy Bolton and wishing I was Gabriella. Eventually, my crush extended onto the actor Zac Efron (the cutie who played Troy) and oh the dreams I had! (And no, that’s not what I meant. Don’t think terrible things! XP) But once middle school started, I developed a crush on a regular boy and well… it hasn’t completely faded. I briefly dated a girl around that time in an effort to get over him and on paper we seemed like the perfect couple. She and I had everything in common and I genuinely liked her, but when I kissed her was the moment I knew for sure that I was gay. Let me put it this way, when we kissed, I would rather have watched a snake swallow an elephant. Not the most pleasant visual, sorry! Just wanted to get my point across. 
> 
> For the record, I still talk to my crush on occasion and was even close friends with him but then things got awkward when he dated a friend of mine and they broke up. He’s not perfect but he’s a nice guy... just a really messy one.  
  
Well, that was my story. What’s yours?
> 
>   
R.I.P Spooky Kooky Boi, you will be dearly missed 😢🥀⚰️
> 
> Love,  
  
MuffinBoy

> **FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com
> 
> **TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com
> 
> **DATE: **October 14 at 5:14PM
> 
> **SUBJECT: re: **When You First Knew
> 
> Hey,
> 
> Ngl, the idea of us being able to hold hands while strolling in the park together put a huge smile on my face. While we’re there, maybe we could also feed the ducks and go on the swings? Woah... guess I really am a hopeless romantic at heart. Who’d a thought lol?
> 
> I haven’t swung in years but I can still remember the wind in my face and just that feeling of being carefree and close to flying. Maybe I should do it again, I miss that feeling so much. I think you’re a lot braver than you give yourself credit for, I know you have it in you to swing higher.
> 
> Wow, small world. I also know someone who uses that word a lot who’s also really strange. I would say he’s a friend but I’m not exactly up to speaking to him at the moment. Not ready to go into details about it, just really upset with him. I can’t seem to befriend decent people -_-
> 
> I’m sorry your night didn’t go well either. This month apparently decided to kick both of our rear ends. Maybe to make up for it we can stream some Halloween movies together through our computers? Nothing too scary I promise.
> 
> As much as I love knowing that I have the ability to make you blush, I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable either. I admit that was pretty forward of me to talk about kissing you, and as honest as I was about that, I promise that any future kissing that happens will be 100% consensual.
> 
> Me? Think terrible thoughts? No way! xP
> 
> Wow, that’s quite the story. I think the first hint I got that I was gay was back when I was 9 years old. I used to look at my mom’s Beatles vinyls and thought George Harrison was the most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen. Mom thought it was adorable and clearly didn’t think too much of it. My dad, on the other hand, thought it was weird that I said that. 
> 
> Anyway, after George, I didn’t really “crush” on anyone else for a while. I did have a friend that I found mildly attractive (too bad his personality was hideous AF) and I remember so many awkward moments in which I couldn’t look away from him. Like, he could be fixing his shirt or tying his shoelaces or running his fingers through his blond hair. I would stare and he would make fun of me (along with my other friend) ‘cause that’s the kind of person he was and probs still is.
> 
> And then middle school came along, and I fell for the cutest guy in all of Shadyside (and possibly all of planet Earth). I’ve been crushing on this guy since 7th grade and it hasn’t gone away. I’ve barely spoken to him, though we’ve been talking a bit more this semester. I just hope I don’t ruin things. I have a track record of ruining anything good that happens to me :-/
> 
> Thanks for sharing your story, it was really comforting for me. It made me feel a little less weird in this world. Lots of **O’s** and one or two innocent **X’s** 🤗😘
> 
> P.S. Cupid’s arrow has struck me again ‘cause I’m falling for a muffin-cavetown-loving-adorable boy :)
> 
> Love,
> 
> Green

**October 18 at 10:31 PM** **  
**(Notification: new message in chat)

**Green: **I have yet to start a chat so here goes nothing…

**MuffinBoy:** OMG! Is this a Meme-Off??? I’ve always wanted to participate in one of these! My friends would always tell me that I couldn’t handle it :(

**Green:** Idk your friends but they shouldn’t tell you what you can and can’t do. Just sayin’ But yeah, if you wanna, get ur meme on boi!

**MuffinBoy:** As my strange friend says, “Let’s get this bread!” I think it’s bread?

**Green:** Lmao. Ur cute.

**MuffinBoy:** Hmm so I’ve been told ;D

**MuffinBoy:** OK! My turn!!!  


**MuffinBoy:** Is this Josh? I have no idea who started this :O

**Green:** Dude I dunno either. I’m not exactly the Meme Lord (although I’d be proud to have that title xP)

**Green:**

** **

**MuffinBoy:** OMG! I AM DEAD!!! XDDDD

**MuffinBoy:** I got nothing! You have me beat!

**Green:** Aw, c’mon, I know you got another one in ya. I’ll wait.

**MuffinBoy:** You can’t see me right now but I’m sweating buckets. The tension is killing me!

**Green:** U Got Dis!

**MuffinBoy:** Ok… *closes eyes*

**MuffinBoy:**

** **

**Green:** I bow to you, sir Meme Lord.

**MuffinBoy:** What??? I won!!! Shut the front door!!!

**Green:** Shut the front door?

**MuffinBoy:** I’ll give you a hint: STFU 

**Green:** Oooo dancing with danger I see?

**MuffinBoy:** It’s on my bucket list. I felt so dirty typing that D:

**Green:** Nah, your secret’s safe with me ;)

**MuffinBoy:** I am forever in your debt!

**Green:** Touche.

**MuffinBoy:** Stahp! I’m blushiiiiinnnggg.

**Green:** Yeeeeeesssssssssss. Mwhahahaha!

**MuffinBoy:** Ur a bad boy!!!

**Green:** So I’ve been told. 😇

**MuffinBoy:** Where do we go from here?

**Green:** Hmm, what do you wanna stream? Nightmare B4 Christmas? Or Corpse Bride?

**MuffinBoy:** Such excellent selections! I couldn’t possibly pick (we’ll be here all night).

**Green:** I’ll toss a coin. Tails for Nightmare, Heads for CB.

**Green:** It’s tails.

**MuffinBoy:** Yay!!!!

**Green:** Hate to sound redundant but ur freaking cute.

**MuffinBoy:** Ohhh I’m “freaking cute” now :D

**Green:** Yep :)

**MuffinBoy:** So are you!

**Green:** I guess it’s my turn to sweat buckets & blush.

**MuffinBoy:** 😈

_Green and MuffinBoy leave the chat _

**October 26 at 9:21 PM**

(Notification: new message in chat)

**Green:** Hey! I got a little surprise for ya ;D

**MuffinBoy:** I’m listening.

**Green:** Here’s that special playlist I promised ya eons ago

**Green:** <https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3mGe1W9XU9yAtMp8jBCXZe?si=NoG6fMXYT3eTrXgxur7OhA>

**Green:** MB? You there?

**MuffinBoy:** Oops! Sorry! I was listening to the playlist :D and I already love it!

**Green:** Oh. No probs at all! Enjoy it :)

**MuffinBoy:** I most definitely will! Thank you for this precious gift <3

**Green:** It’s just a playlist.

**MuffinBoy:** HECK NO!!! Music is the most personal form of self-expression. You’re allowing me a peak into your soul :)

**Green:** ...i’m speechless. You radiate this big positive energy and it’s like the most precious thing about you.

**MuffinBoy:** <33333333

**Green:** (｡♥‿♥｡) yeah i’m uwu rn

**MuffinBoy:** I’m uwu x10

**Green:** I know this is a weird request but can you pls spell that out for me?

**MuffinBoy:** I don’t understand?

**Green:** Umm, nvm. Sorry. My brain’s not working lol. I need a new one.

**MuffinBoy:** No u don’t! Your brain works just fine.

**Green:** Trust me, I’m not exaggerating.

**MuffinBoy:** :((((

**Green:** Don’t worry about it. G2G. Hope the songs make you smile and think of me.

**MuffinBoy:** I may never stop listening to them.

**Green:** That’s good. Sweet dreams MB.

**MuffinBoy:** Pleasant dreams for you too <3

**Green:** :) ♡

_ Green has left the chat _

It was kind of late when Green and I finished chatting but I wasn’t ready to go to bed yet. Knowing what a tough week Buffy’s had since the party, I decided to send her a text.

“Hey, Buffy, are you still up?” I text her.

“Yep.” Buffy responds.

“Do you mind if I call you?”

“I don’t mind, I was just doing some extra studying. I’m calling it a night with that.”

I press the call button by her name and she picks up.

“Hey, Cyrus,” she answers. She doesn’t sound sad, but I can tell she’s trying to force happiness in her voice.

“Hi, Buffy. How was your day?”

“It was alright. Went out shopping with my mom earlier and got some new clothes. Wanna see?”

“Yes please.” I stare at my phone and my phone’s buzzing with texts of her purchases. “They look really nice!”

“Thanks, wish you were there. How’re you doing by the way?”

I give her the general idea of how my day was, leaving out the emails and chats Green and I were exchanging.

“Have you spoken with Marty yet?” 

_ I might as well ask her and get it over with. _

She pretty much gave Marty the silent treatment all week and, frankly, she wasn’t the only one.

“Not ready to. No offense, Cyrus, but I’d rather not talk about him,” she replies stoically.

“I understand. Kind of an off week for a lot of us.”

“While we’re on the topic, I’m glad you didn’t get in trouble with your mom. I know how protective she gets.”

“No, Andi made sure she didn’t see the state I was in. When I saw her the morning after, I was already back to normal Cyrus.”

“You, normal, since when?” Buffy jokes and I giggle, understanding entirely it was just some good-natured ribbing. Besides, she’s not wrong.

“Hilarious, Buffy.” I sarcastically say back. We talked for a little bit longer until the sleepiness overtook us. 

“Do you wanna go to the Spoon tomorrow?”

“Do you even need to ask?” She chuckles at me, “I have practice with The Spikes tomorrow but definitely afterwards.”

“Terrific! Will you be requiring the services of my trusty vest?” I enthusiastically ask.

“I’d appreciate that. Anyway, I’m gonna turn in now, practice starts at 3:00 so you know.”

“I’ll be there. Goodnight, Buffy. Sleep well.”

“You too, Cyrus. Goodnight.”

> **FROM: ** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com 
> 
> **TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com 
> 
> **DATE: **October 27 at 7:13 AM
> 
> **SUBJECT: re: **When You First Knew
> 
> Hi Green 💚
> 
> Thanks again for the playlist! I love it soooooo much :D I’ve had it on replay the whole week. I’ll be sure to send you a playlist of my fave jams soon, I pinky promise :)
> 
> Um, excuse me? I‘m not surprised at all that your romantic side is showing (I was waiting ever-so patiently for it). And yes to hand holding, yes to feeding ducks, and yes to swinging all day. It’ll be the most perfect day, I can feel it! 
> 
> I’m in “wanna hug Green” mode (ok, i’m always in hug green mode :p). I really hope you and your friend can work things out or that you can find good friends. Everyone deserves a supportive friend in their life. Things aren’t paradise in my friend group either and I predict some stormy weather up ahead :(
> 
> Ohhhh you are such a gentleman! And I thought chivalry was dead, you’re proving me wrong and I love it :)) I wish I could give you the sweetest kiss except I have no idea what your face looks like lol.
> 
> OMG! George Harrison! He’s such a dreamboat 😍 and very talented too. Everyone always seems to be in love with young Paul McCartney and no offense to him, because he’s also quite good looking, but George Harrison just has something extra special about him. He’s the “Chill Beatle.” 
> 
> What ever happened to that friend of yours that you found mildly attractive? And the other one? Are they the ones you’re having problems with? Sorry for all the questions, I also get into “son of therapists mode”. Again, you don’t have to answer anything. Just know that I’m here for you <3
> 
> Wow… cutest guy in all of Shadyside! Is he a celebrity or something? I wish someone thought that about me. I would, quite literally, melt on the spot. Well, whoever he is, I hope you’ll meet and fall in love ‘cause you deserve all the happiness in the world - all of Planet Earth to be exact ;)
> 
> One last question (i promise): What’s kept you from coming out to your parents or family?
> 
> P.S. Are you vegan or vegetarian? (this question doesn’t count)
> 
> Love,
> 
> MuffinBoy


	10. The Way To a Boy's Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a moment and urge you all to stay safe and calm during these rough times. We will get through it and it will be ok. Take care of yourself, your loved ones, and those around you.
> 
> Sending you all lots of hugs and good vibes,  
AndiMackSnapshots
> 
> Enjoy the chapter ♡

I take one more look through that email before sending it. Trust me, the fact that he mentioned falling for me hasn’t gone unnoticed. Just reading that made my heart feel like an EKG going off the charts. It’s just too much for me to take and it’s killing me. He’s already in love with someone else, “the cutest boy on planet earth” in his words. He deserves the best boyfriend in the world, especially if he has a chance with this person he’s been pining for since 7th Grade. Why should he settle for a “nothing” like me? As much as it hurts, Green’s happiness is most important.

I put on my handy-dandy vest and gather supplies for The Spike’s practice today. My vest is stuffed with a variety of protein bars, energy drinks, water bottles, and plenty of hand sanitizer. I also may have sneaked some pieces of candy just in case. I gotta take care of that sweet-tooth of mine. 

After a quick stop at the Pumpkin Spice Cafe, I arrive at the team's practice and already feel bad for all the girls. Buffy’s being very intense, more so than usual at least. She’s been lashing out at her co-captain, Kaitlin, who was trying to calm her down. I did my part to make sure the team has plenty of sustenance. My first aid kit came in handy when one of the girls, Maria, fell and scraped her knee. No amount of shoulder rubs could calm Buffy down so she eventually calls it a day and the two of us walk to The Spoon.

As expected, it’s after-school hours so the cozy 50s diner is full of kids. Buffy and I manage to find a booth near the restrooms. It takes about 15 or so minutes until a waiter finally greets us. 

“Hey, welcome to the Spoon! My name’s Walker and I’ll be your server. Sorry for the delay.” He says with a toothy grin. 

And I must say, he’s quite the looker.

_Get a grip, Cyrus!_

Buffy looks at Walker, curiously. “Are you new here? You look kinda familiar?”

Walker lets out a nervous chuckle before replying, “I went to Grant and graduated last year. But, I am new here at The Spoon. I got hired yesterday.”

I keep looking at him, which isn’t difficult to do (this guy is gorgeous), and suddenly I realized. “Hey, didn’t you used to work as a caricature artist?”

“Yeah, I’ve been doing that for about 5 years. Aren’t you Bar Mitzvah Boy?” He asks me with intrigue and his eyes are kinda sparkling. Or my mind is playing tricks on me. He does seem happy to have recognized me, though.

“Yes, it is I, Bar Mitzvah Boy.” I say, probably with more enthusiasm than intended.

“Most people usually call him Cyrus,” Buffy intervenes. “And since we’re getting reacquainted, I’m Buffy, and we’d like to place our order ‘cause I’m very close to eating this napkin.”

Walker nods and clears his throat, “Yes, ma’am. What’ll it be?”

“A basket of baby taters and a chocolate milkshake, two straws.” She demands.

“Also known as the ‘Cyrus Special’.” I add, flashing a toothy grin of my own.

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind,” He says and winks. “One ‘Cyrus Special’ coming up!”

_Wow! What a man! Remind me to leave an extra positive review on Whelp with lots of thumbs up emojis too… maybe a heart. Nevermind, hold off on the heart. This is a review site not a dating one._

“Cyrus? Earth to Cyrus!” Buffy’s calling me. I don’t land back to this dimension until she bops my forehead. 

_Ow!_

“Must you be so physical?” I say rubbing my forehead and sporting a pout.

“Yes, if you’re acting as weird as you are.”

“I’m not being weird. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

Stand your ground. Show her who’s boss.

“You seem to have a lot on your mind lately.”

“Enough about me. How are you doing? What’s going on in your life?”

_Nice save, Cyrus!_

“Why are you turning this around on me?” Buffy inquires.

_She’s not kidding when she says how grumpy she gets without food. I hope cute-waiter-boy will arrive with our order soon… and fast._

“Because today during your practice you came off as, I don’t know, too intense for words? You were scaring me.”

“It’s called being determined, I always get like that during practice. It’s just to push the other girls.”

“Are you sure? I’ve seen plenty of your practices, you were never like that. Might this have anything to do with a certain guy from the party whose name rhymes with marty?”

Buffy scoffs, “Real subtle, Cyrus.”

As if on cue, Walker arrives with our baby taters and milkshakes.

“Took you guys long enough,” she says and then takes a long sip from the milkshake.

Walker avoids eye contact with her and looks at me instead, “Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thank you, Walker.”

By the time we finish all the baskets of taters we could handle, it’s dark out and the diner has returned to it’s quiet coziness. True to his word, Walker would check-up on us and deliver on Buffy’s every whim and make small talk with me if time allowed it.

“I know you don’t want to talk about him, but I really want to know. Are things ok between the two of you? I’m genuinely worried.” I lay out both of my hands on the table for Buffy to hold, which she does.

“Honestly? I have no idea. I’m still so hurt by what he did and how he acted at that stupid party. That’s not the guy I fell for two years ago. And each year, it feels like I lose him even more. Like, he keeps changing into this ‘cool’ guy and he tries way too hard. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell him to stop, he doesn’t listen and I’m getting tired of it.”

I give her hands a squeeze and look into her eyes. It’s pretty rare for her to be so open about these things and I feel proud of her when she does. She’s always been an emotional rock for me and Andi and I’d like to be hers. I just wish I could be more open about certain things too.

“I don’t wanna lose you either, Cyrus. I can tell you’ve been dealing with a lot for a while and I’m sure it’s not only because of me and Marty.”

“I’m sorry, Buffy. You’re right. I do have a lot going on but I just don’t think I can say it out loud, at least not yet.” 

_Why can’t I just say it? Why am I so scared? _

I can feel a war going on inside my brain. One part is calling me a coward and the other is telling me it’s best to wait. Buffy has enough going on without adding this new bit of information as something extra for her to process.

“Hey, whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. You don’t have to say anything right now.” Buffy reassures me. 

And I couldn’t be more blessed to have a friend like her.

> **FROM:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com 
> 
> **TO:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com
> 
> **DATE:** October 28 at 7:45 PM
> 
> **SUBJECT:** Closet Clutter
> 
> Hey Muffin-Man,
> 
> Anytime! There’s plenty more where that came from ;D I got a suggestion for the name of your playlist: MuffinMan’s Mix. Idk. What do ya think? It’s kinda fitting and catchy! But yeah, I look forward to taking a peek inside your soul too. 
> 
> Awesome, it’s a date! (in the near future, that is haha)
> 
> Yeah, I hope he’ll apologize for his behavior soon :( Otherwise, I’m gonna end up being friendless and that’s never fun. Maybe I’m destined to be a lone wolf *howls at the moon* I wouldn’t be surprised.
> 
> Finally! Someone who gets it! Paul is great and everything, but George is sooooooo underrated! His guitar skills were so on point and yeah, I agree, he was definitely the chillest one out of the four. 
> 
> I won’t name any names but I stopped being friends with those two knuckleheads after they framed me for something I didn’t do. This was back in the summer before 7th grade. When we weren’t playing video games, shooting hoops, or dirt biking we engaged in minor misdemeanors. I feel ashamed just even mentioning that. Don’t worry, my snacks and red bull stealing days are behind me. Anyway, one of them went too far and tried carjacking an SUV. And get this, (pardon my french) but when the car owner saw us, the little shit pinned the blame on me! I had to pick up trash as community service for a couple of weeks. The only positive thing I can say is that I at least got to clean up the planet a little -___- 
> 
> After that stunt he pulled, I ended things. In hindsight, I should’ve ended it a long time ago but I didn’t want to be alone. But yeah, that’s what happened. They’re awful people and were terrible friends. Good-freaking-riddance imo.
> 
> No, this is a different friend I’m having issues with right now. I haven’t spoken to those two a-holes for a couple of years and I’m gonna keep it that way.
> 
> Actually, my crush is not a celebrity, he’s very much the boy-next-door type and I love that. I wouldn’t want to date anyone famous anyway, it sounds really stressful. He’s an average kid just like you and me but yet he’s so much more. I couldn’t explain it even if I tried. He seems like one of the few kindest and genuine people in this small town. I guess I’ve been around too many jerks :/ myself included. You’re the best, MB <3 And you deserve all the happiness too. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> I haven’t come out to my parents because I’m a chicken shit. I’m afraid of what they’ll think and if things will get awkward between us. My parents are pretty liberal, not very religious, and have a few gay friends but I don’t know how they’ll react if their own son is gay. Also, I don’t have a lot of family here in Shadyside, just a cousin who’s practically like a sister to me. The rest of my family are scattered but the majority reside in southern California. Sometimes I wish I was there right now, soaking up the sun and hitting the waves ☀️🌴🤙 Anyway… I don’t want to lose the only family I’ve got y’know?
> 
> Have you come out to yours yet?
> 
> P.S. Technically, I’m neither. My diet is a bit strange since I’ve got some food allergies. Occasionally I’ll eat meat and I avoid any dairy ‘cause it doesn’t sit well. 🤢 I try to avoid eating meat if I can help it. But ultimately, I eat whatever mom cooks 🤷♂️
> 
> Love,
> 
> Green

Bex takes myself, Andi, and Buffy to school. This is the day Andi and I find out what parts we get for Grease and also marks the second Monday we haven’t hung out with or even seen Marty. Our car rides to school aren’t quite as fun without his goofiness. Yes, for better or for worse, I miss him dearly. But, out of loyalty to Buffy, I’m keeping my distance. I remember the last time I was given an ultimatum... yike-a-saurus is all I’m gonna say on that.

“This silence is putting me off. Did I forget to pick someone up?” Bex asks.

None of us want to speak, again, because of Buffy.

However, Buffy replies in a rather monotonous voice, “Nope.”

That “nope” could shatter a window, that’s how sharp it was. Bex looks at Andi and me through the rearview mirror wondering what’s going on. We just shrug in response, although we both know what’s happening. This whole ordeal is such a pain in the rear end. I kid you not.

Nonetheless, Bex drops us off in front of the school steps. We go through our classes as usual, Buffy of course breezing through a lot of questions provided by our various teachers. Then we have lunch, and it’s also lacking in the “fun” department. I really took for granted Marty’s ability to lighten the mood and get us all laughing to the point milk comes out of our noses. 

I can’t resist the urge anymore, and pretend to swap out my milk just so I can try to find Marty in the busy cafeteria. After a bit of sleuthing, I spot him sitting with the track team and some other jock-looking-people. Am I brave enough to walk up to him and strike up friendly conversation and risk upsetting Buffy? Or do I let this mess continue? I hate feeling so powerless.

Let’s just say, I won’t be getting any medals soon and return to my seat. 

_So much for being heroic._

“Were you able to find the chocolate milk?” Andi asks.

“Oh,” I sigh, “Nope. They ran out.” 

Andi lays her head on my shoulder, “What’s wrong baby tater?”

My lips curl up a little hearing that nickname, “Nothing. I just kinda miss someone.”

Andi says in a low voice, “Me too.”

“Looks like we’re having Gym outside today and I can’t wait!” Buffy announces and even does a little happy clap.

Andi and I both look at her and reply nonchalantly, “Yay.”

“Gym’s not that bad. It’s the only time during school we’re not sitting behind a stupid desk.” Buffy adds and gets up to clean out her tray. “Perk up, it’s a nice day out!”

“Even when she’s happy, she’s bossy,” says Andi. 

“I like sitting behind the stupid desk, it lets me blend in with my surroundings.” I chime in.

“So, you’re a chameleon?” Buffy asks.

“Yes, didn’t you know?” I reply.

_She’s not the only one with a can of sass._

Andi giggles at our witty exchange and the three of us walk to the locker rooms to change into our gym uniforms. I really can’t stand the bright yellow shirt and blue shorts, it screams: **_Look at me! I have puny legs! And arms! I’m unathletic! Blah-blah-blah!_**

Today in gym class, we’re working on our core muscles and I hold Buffy’s feet down as she does sit-ups. We hear Mr. Bag’s whistle which means it’s, unfortunately, time to switch.

“I can’t,” I pant, “do this.” Another pant, “Make it stop!” I barely reach four sit-ups until I finally collapse on the grass, arms flailing out.

_I know, I’m pathetic and unmanly. What else is new?_

“Cyrus, come on! Just try one more, just one!” Buffy urges me.

I try to give it one more go until I notice Buffy’s attention going elsewhere and then she whispers at Andi to look too.

“Am I done yet? Can I stop, Buffy? This is a cruel and unusual punishment!” I whine like a baby (and I don’t care). Buffy finally lets go of my feet and gets up.

_I’m freeeeeeeeee!!!_

Mr. Bag blows his whistle and yells at us to do some sprints.

_Nevermind. Freedom has, yet again, slipped my grasp. Why can’t the earth beneath swallow me whole?_

After more tedious tasks from the Coach, we finally get a 10 minute break to rehydrate and stretch. Although I am way too sore to even do that and yet Buffy’s nearby doing splits.

_Show off._

Andi doesn’t seem in high spirits either. Buffy approaches us with an extra spring in her step.

“Man! I haven’t felt this good in a while! I needed this!”

Andi gives a lackluster thumbs up whereas I give a nod, it’s all I can do.

Buffy takes another inconspicuous look over her shoulder for a moment and turns back to us, “Is it just me? Or has TJ Kippen been looking at us a lot?”

All the sweat has made my bangs stick to my forehead and, therefore, impair my vision. I move them to the side and see TJ playing an intense game of basketball. After shooting a basket from pretty far, he stops for a moment to drink water and he’s looking at us. Though, and this is probably my mind again, it feels like he’s looking directly at me.

_Yep, the sun has killed what’s left of my brain cells._

Buffy sprints towards the boy’s basketball team and starts talking to TJ. I really hope she isn’t yelling at him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.

_Why am I defending him? _

I try to lip read and make sense of what they’re saying. I must say I have a knack for lip-reading. 

_Why are they talking about palm trees covered in purple stripes? _

I start banging my forehead with the palm of my hand out of frustration. Andi grabs my wrist so I stop the assault on myself.

“Cyrus, calm down!”

“I’m sorry! The heat’s clearly getting to me. Why the heck is it 68 degrees outside in October?”

“Um, global warming?” She answers.

“Exactly! And because Gym class hates me!”

“I think you’ve got that the other way around.”

“Whatever!”

Andi’s looking at me as if I landed from Mars, “Cyrus, what’s going on with you? You’ve been extra sassy today.”

“I’ve always been sassy.”

“Not to these levels.”

“How many times do I have to apologize?”

Andi frowns, “You don’t! I just want to know what’s going on with you. But you don’t want to tell me anything. Neither of you do.”

After that, Andi grabs her stuff and walks back to the locker room, leaving me on the ground. Not too long later, Buffy returns and picks up her stuff. She helps me up and wraps an arm around me while I cling onto her like a koala.

“What did you tell TJ? I hope you weren’t hostile.”

“Relax. I was just asking why he kept looking at us. He said he was looking for Marty.”

_Why does this bit of information make me feel… sad? I really am cuckoo for cocoa puffs._

I let go of Buffy once we reached the lockers and then I headed into the Boys’ room. I try to find an area where there aren’t too many people since I don’t like changing in front of other guys. I take off my shorts and slip back into my skinny jeans. When I reach into my locker for a clean shirt, the door (somehow) closes and my sweaty shirt gets caught in it.

_Oh great!_

I’m banging on the locker trying to free myself from its evil clutches, all while being cool and not attracting any unwanted attention.

_Note to self: Add “lockers” to list of things that hate me._

A couple of kids laugh at me and I just laugh with them. It isn’t until TJ sees me that I get some help.

“I’m hearing a lot of noise over here. Everything alright?” He asks.

“Yeah, good, never better!” I lie (poorly).

TJ doesn’t buy it at all, “No, you’re not.”

I frown, “Alright. I’m not. My stupid shirt got caught in the stupid door. Why does this happen to me?”

He moves to my other side and grabs a piece of the shirt in his hands, “I’m gonna try to rip it out. Is that ok?”

“It seems like the only thing that can be done. Unless I plan to spend the rest of my life here.” 

TJ laughs, “Ok, on the count of three. One… two… three!”

He rips part of the shirt and I nearly fall backwards but he catches me in time. My arms are in his and I’m sweating, again.

_Boy, is he strong._

He lets me go and hands over the ripped piece of fabric, “Here ya go.”

“Thank you. Everyone else just kept laughing.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw. Hence, why I came to your rescue.”

I smile, “You’re a real hero.”

I notice TJ’s cheeks get a bit red, “Nah, it was nothing. You would’ve done the same.”

“Hmm, I would’ve tried and failed. I don’t quite have your, um, upper arm strength. I can’t even do a somersault.

_Did I just admit that out loud? Congratulations, Cyrus, a minute ago he just thought you were a wimp, now he knows you’re a wimp._

“Uh...um...can you forget I said that please?” 

_Seriously, I’m still waiting on the earth to swallow me whole._

“Cyrus, relax, it’s not a big deal. If you can’t do a somersault, I can help you with that.” TJ offers. 

I just can’t get over how generous he is. He doesn’t have to do this for me.

“That’s really kind of you to offer, but you don’t have to. It would be a waste of time trying to teach me. There’s so many easy sounding things I can’t do. I’m a lost cause.”

TJ gives me a look that reminds me why other students are afraid of him, “Cyrus, I never wanna hear you talk down to yourself ever again. You’re not a lost cause, not even close. All it takes is a little practice and determination. You can do anything.”

The scary look on his face fades to a much softer but still serious look, one that tells me he genuinely believes I can do anything. 

“If you really think I can, I’ll do my best.”

His face softens yet again and his smile returns. I swear that smile can thaw the iciest of hearts.

“How about this Saturday? I want you to meet me at this location. This is where I’m gonna teach you how to do a somersault.” He hands me a card that says “Jackson Street Gym” which has the address, phone number, and email.

All of a sudden he starts chuckling. 

“What’s so funny?” I would like to be in on the joke.

“I was just thinking about the party, me in that ridiculous summer costume and you as a salt shaker.”

Some kind of otherworldly force takes over us and we simultaneously shout, “Summer Salt!” The way things are going, we could’ve just stayed in that locker room and spent the entire day talking about everything and nothing. Reality hits though, and the bell rang for the next class.

“Guess we better get going.” TJ says, disappointment laced in his voice.

“Yeah, we better.” 

Then I remember that my shirt is damaged. I try to retrieve my clean shirt from the closed locker but it’s jammed. I can only picture the awkward stares and whispering sure to go on the rest of the day, but then TJ takes his Grant hoodie off and gives it to me.

“Here, put this on.”

“I can’t take your hoodie.” I try to give it back to him.

“I insist, I have plenty of hoodies. You need it more than I do.”

I slip the hoodie over my head and put my arms through the sleeves. It’s a little big but feels so soft and comfortable. 

“Thank you.”

I can’t explain the look in TJ’s eyes but then he replies, “Oh...uh, you’re welcome.” We reach for our bags. 

“Leggo.” He says.

_Ok, it’s official. TJ Kippen is a huge dork and it’s a wonderful surprise!_

On the way to my next class, chemistry with Ms. Bailey, I was enjoying the feeling of this cozy hoodie when I hear a couple arguing in the halls. I hide myself in a discreet spot when I realize the duo exchanging words are Buffy and Marty.

“...told you that I’m sorry. What more do you want?” Marty demands.

“I want you to look me in the eye and tell me why you’re sorry.” Buffy retorts.

“Um, I’m sorry for upsetting you.” Marty pathetically responds.

I shouldn’t be eavesdropping like this but it’s like one of those disastrous situations you can’t turn away from.

“And do you know why you upset me?” Buffy says, impatiently tapping her foot.

Marty just stands there, looking like a deer caught in headlights, with nothing to say.

_Darn it, Marty! You’ve got some serious work for yourself._

“That’s what I thought,” says Buffy, walking away from Marty. I see her heading my direction so I conceal myself the best I could.

“How much of that did you see, Cyrus?” Buffy asks, walking past me and avoiding eye contact.

“Nothing, hardly a thing. I swear! Except I might’ve heard everything after ‘What more do you want?’” I confess.

“It’s been over a week and he still doesn’t get it. Does he actually think he didn’t do anything wrong at that party?”

I simply wrap an arm around her and we walk to chem.

“Hope he wises up soon.” She adds.

I wish I could console her properly but I also don’t wanna give her an answer to a question I don’t know.

“While we wait for that to happen, can I ask you one more thing? Where did you get that hoodie?” 

I can feel my face turn beet red and then take a sigh of relief when we reach the door. 

_Never have I been so happy to enter chemistry class._

“Oh well, guess I can’t talk about that now. Let’s get our science on!”

Later that day, Marty gets into another verbal match but this time with TJ. I didn’t hear all of it (I mean I’ve already eavesdropped on one conversation), but it got ugly. I had never seen TJ so upset since getting to know him slightly better. I will say that TJ called out Marty on many of his less-than-charming qualities, such as his fake persona, his excessive partying and worst of all, the drinking. I could see the pain and shame on Marty’s face but, sadly, it’s the truth and it needed to be said. All I can hope for is that it opens Marty’s eyes and that he’ll finally realize what he did wrong. That boy is in need of some serious help.

The only highlight of that day was the official cast list of “Grease” being posted on the bulletin board:

**Grant High School Presents:**

** **

Jonah............................**Danny Zuko**

Amber..........................**Sandy Olsen / Cha Cha DiGregorio**

Marty............................**Kenickie / Teen Angel**

Andi..............................**Rizzo**

Iris................................**Frenchy**

Kristina.........................**Marty**

Natalie...........................**Jan**

Cyrus............................**Doody**

Leo...............................**Sonny**

Harris...........................**Putzie**

Gus..............................**Eugene**

Denise..........................**Patty Simcox**

Kip...............................**Tom Chisum**

Mrs. Mendenhall...........**Principal McGee**

Dr. Metcalf...................**Coach Calhoun**

**Stage Manager** \- Mrs. Mendenhall

**Assistant Stage Manager** \- Jonah Beck

**Choreographer** \- Buffy Driscoll

The drama club looks at the cast list and Andi excitedly jumps into my arms, nearly making me lose balance.

“Oh my god! This is so cool, I get to play Rizzo! Isn’t that awesome?” Andi’s like a ball of energy at the moment, radiating so much joy.

“I’m so happy for you, Andi. I know how much you wanted that part. What about me? Did I get cast?” 

Andi takes another look at the list to look for my name and her eyes light up. “You’ve been cast too, take a look!” 

I actually got cast, can’t wait to tell my parents, all four of them! I search the list for my name and I see Doody next to it. 

“I’ve been cast as Doody. I get to tell my folks I’ve been cast as Doody.” I say through gritted teeth and a fake smile. 

I take a quick glance to see who was cast as Danny Zuko. Unsurprisingly, he’s being played by Jonah Beck.

“Doody’s not a bad part. You get to be one of the T-Birds, plus you actually get a solo.” Andi reassures me.

That’s right, I get to be one of the T-Birds (part of the cool crowd) and I get to sing “Those Magic Changes”.

“Wait... I have to sing!?” I bury my face in the hoodie.

_This will be a complete disaster! This T-Bird is going to flap his non-existent wings and fly… far, far, away._

“Cyrus, calm down. You’ll be fine. You’re a good singer. Nice hoodie.”

_Where’s a paper bag when you need one? How do I explain the hoodie?_

“Um, my shirt got ruined and I borrowed it. It’s such a lovely day outside, isn't it?”

“Yeah, amazing. Borrowed from who?”

“I don’t quite remember.”

“You don’t remember whose hoodie you borrowed? Did you steal it? That’s not something you would do.”

“I promise, I didn’t steal it. Besides, even if I did tell you whose it is, you wouldn’t believe me.” 

“Oh yeah? Try me.” Andi crosses her arms and smirks.

“DJ Rippen...man.”

“Who?”

I look down at my watch and my feet are already headed towards the doors, “Oh! Look at the time! My mom wanted me to get home early for family night!”

_Yes, I’m aware I didn’t make a calm and calculated escape and look very guilty. As if you would’ve done a better job._


	11. What I Know, I Can Do

It’s official, my body was not meant for dancing. Is Buffy aware that not all of us were born contortionists? We’re learning the opening dance number and I’m already waiting for someone to put me out of my misery. 

_Oh how I long for the days I was playing the messenger in Romeo & Juliet._

“From the top, guys! One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two…” Buffy orders.

“Excuse me, have you ever heard of the number three?” Amber says and glares at Buffy.

Amber’s pretty sore about not being made the official choreographer. However, Mrs. Mendenhall didn’t think it’d be fair, considering she’s already playing two parts. Which I’m going to have to agree with because if it were me, taking on all those roles would be too much to tackle. Then again, having to dance is too much for me.

Buffy rolls her eyes, “Okay, everyone. Apparently, we’re gonna have to go back to the basics of dancing. Amber, this is a foot…” Buffy sarcastically quips at Amber.

Mrs. Mendenhall gets in between Buffy and Amber, “Ladies! Let’s not fight, remember that we all play an important role in this production. There are no small parts, only small actors.”

_Yes, Mrs. M, ‘cause using a cliche is going to break the tension._

Amber huffs and goes backstage whereas Buffy stands there arms crossed. She tries to teach us the choreography again, but then I, of course, mess up the steps and accidently bump into Leo which then turns into a cascading domino effect.

“Sorry, Buffy.” I say sheepishly. I can see a vein popping on Buffy’s forehead and I probably shouldn’t be anywhere near her.

“Ok, everybody. Take five!” She commands. “...possibly ten.” She adds in a low voice.

I take a seat on the edge of the stage to re-hydrate. Someone takes a seat next to me, and it’s none other than Jonah Beck.

_I really gotta stop calling him by his full name._

“Hey, Cy-Man. How’s it going?” He asks.

_How’s it going? Did he not see what just happened? He can’t be this oblivious! _

I let out a sigh, “It’s fine. I guess. How are things with you? Mr. Stage Manager a.k.a Danny Zuko.” 

_Ok, I may have said that last part with a bit of sass. I’m still a bit sore that he got the lead. I’ll get over it… eventually._

“Correction, **Assistant** Stage Manager. And, just between you and me, I didn’t want to be Danny. I think you should’ve been.” He admits.

“Oh you’re just saying that.”

“Nuh-uh. Get up for a sec?” He says and grabs his script.

“I want you to read me this.” He asks, pointing to a particular page.

I read the lines in which Danny approaches Sandy at the Diner and apologizes for his behavior but Sandy doesn’t buy it. Jonah reads Sandy’s lines.

_“Hey Sandy, um, I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time. Y’know? About that night at the bonfire. The way I acted, that was terrible. I mean, it really was, it wasn’t me. You gotta know that. I mean, it was me, of course, but it wasn’t me. You see, Sandy, I got this image right?” _

_“Simple’s right, too bad his brains are in his biceps. Jealous? Oh, come on, Sandy, don't make me laugh. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, come on, I can run circles around those jerks.”   
_

“Do you see what I see?” Jonah asks.

“Um, Danny’s a jerk?” I say.

Jonah chuckles, “No! You’ve got great acting range. Way better than me.”

“Jonah, it’s only the first day of rehearsals. You’ve got time to get into character. You’re Jonah Beck, you can do anything.”

Jonah’s smile fades and he seems hurt, “It’s not always fun being me, Cyrus. I would hope you of all people would get that.”

I put my hand on his shoulder, “What I wouldn’t give to be you for a day.”

_If I were him… oh it would be great to be him._

“Face it, Jonah, you were born to play Danny Zuko. I wasn’t. If I was, I would’ve gotten the role.”

“Cyrus, please just…”

“Jonah, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you and I both know I’m not cut out for Danny.” 

This conversation isn’t making me feel any better, I think the best thing to do is walk away from him, for now. I go find my spot for the dance number again, I think Buffy’s break is almost up.

As I get to my place on stage, I can overhear Marty saying, “Andi, would you tell Buffy that I was an idiot and I’m sorry? Please?”

“Buffy, Marty wanted me to tell you that he was an idiot and he’s sorry.” Andi relays the message to her, monotonously.

Buffy just rolls her eyes, “You don’t have to repeat everything he tells you, Andi. I can hear him.”

“Does this mean you’ll actually talk to me? All I’m asking for is a few minutes and, personally, I think it’ll go a lot smoother if I didn’t have to use Andi as a messenger.” Marty says in all sincerity.

Buffy looks like she might actually consider it, “Not here, Marty.” He has this look on his face that says “defeated” until Buffy follows that up with an “After rehearsals”. That seemed to cheer him up a little.

The only good moment in this whole rehearsal was Iris being a supportive girlfriend to Amber who needed to be soothed a lot. She kept messing up her lines and getting into verbal spats with Buffy.

_What I wouldn’t give to have someone like that._

Don’t get me wrong, I’m 110% completely over Iris. Our relationship, as perfect as it appeared, was not going to last and I’m truly glad she found someone who could give her what I failed to give: unconditional love. But, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t somewhat envy what she has with Amber. 

Believe me, it’s not easy being gay and finding love in this world. It truly is a blessing when it does happen and I hope it will happen to me someday (preferably in the near future).

_Pretty please with a cherry on top? And maybe some rainbow sprinkles for good measure? _

On the way home, my phone buzzes and it’s a text from Jonah:

** _Hey, I got a song rec for u. Been listening to it 4 awhile, hope u like it too :)_ **

** _ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pzOBI3PD8E>   
_ **

My mind immediately thinks of Green who loves music and he’s constantly sending me song recomendations. This is probably just wishful thinking but I’m definitely asking Jonah if he listens to Cavetown.

_Who knows? Maybe my Prince Charming is a lot closer than I’m aware._

> **FROM: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com
> 
> **TO:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com 
> 
> **DATE:** November 1 at 4:30 PM
> 
> **SUBJECT: re:** Closet Clutter
> 
> Happy November!
> 
> It’s that time of year I put on my favorite pair of penny loafers lol! I not only highly approve of that playlist name, I LOVE it! It’s so cute and it definitely fits me ;D You know me so well!
> 
> If you do end up being friendless, I will be first in line to be yours! I’ll even bring a basket of blueberry-macadamia muffins fresh out of the oven just for you (i might sneak a choco-choco-chip one in there hehe xD).
> 
> I can’t stop imagining you and I listening to old vinyls in your room. It’s got me all 😍💞🎶 but also like 🥺😓😭 (yes, I just used emojis in an email to describe my feelings. I regret nothing!)
> 
> Moving on from my never-ending pining… Thank you for being so candid with me. You totally didn’t have to be. I know I’ve got a tendency to be a bit nosy 😅 (i think I get that from my mother). 
> 
> I’m so proud of you for letting go of those knuckleheads! You deserve so much better and I am so, so, so sorry they did that to you! If I could, I’d give them both a knuckle-sandwich. Ok, well, I’m not much of a fighter but if I was, they’d better watch their backs!!! 😠
> 
> I don’t know your parents/family personally, but based on what you’ve told me, they seem to really care about you. I have a strong feeling in my gut that if you came out to them, they would embrace you with loving arms. I mean, who wouldn’t? I know, I do (as I’ve mentioned on several occasions). 
> 
> Oooo, now you’ve got me wanting to “Hang ten, bruh!” LOL! Apologies for my cringiness. 
> 
> Unfortunately, I haven’t come out to my parents… yet. I guess I’m just waiting for the right time, moment, day, etc. to do so. Honestly, I have no idea when that will be. No one teaches us how to handle these things and it’s such a struggle because it can be life-changing and it’s very scary.
> 
> Hopefully, we’ll both find the strength to come out of the closet and be our true selves. Just know this, don’t let anyone (that includes me) tell you when, how, or who you come out to. This needs to be something you should have a complete say in. And I’ll support whatever decision you make.
> 
> On a lighter note, what are your plans for Turkey Day? What are the holidays like in the Green household?
> 
> Lots of love and hugs,
> 
> MuffinBoy

_It’s Saturday, why did I agree to going to a gym? I HATE GYMS!_

As I wander around downtown Shadyside, I realize I made a wrong turn at some point and now I don’t even know where I’m going. I’ve lived here my whole life, you’d think I’d know where to find places. 

I decide to go to the Red Rooster for some help. Luckily, Bowie (Bex’s super-cool boyfriend) is working there. I walk up to the counter and ring the bell, Bowie calls out from one of the aisles, “I’ll be with you in a moment, dude!” 

A few minutes later, he appears carrying a crate of records, “Cyrus! It’s been a while! How can I help ya?” 

Bowie’s one of the most chill adults I know, I don’t know how he does it. I wish more adults were like him.

“Hi, Bowie. I’m actually looking for the Jackson Street Gym. I tried to find it but got lost.”

“Wow, gotta say, you never struck me as the gym type. No offense.” Bowie flashes a toothy grin. Normally, I’d be blushing like a tomato by now but he’s too darn likeable.

“Trust me, none taken. I’m only going there to meet up with a friend.” I say, hoping I didn’t give anything away. I’m always afraid I’m gonna accidentally reveal too much information.

“Cool, do I know this friend?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. 

_Huh, he does it in a way Andi does._

“NO! I mean, no, he’s a new friend, very new. Like, brand new.”

Bowie’s trying really hard to not laugh, “That’s very cool. Is this person in mint condition?”

Now, I’m blushing. He’s too good. 

_How do I casually change the subject? I’m not exactly subtle. Never have been, never will be._

“So, um, directions?” I say, trying to conceal my embarrassment.

Bowie’s a champ and doesn’t continue my torture, “Ok, all you gotta do is cross the street and it’s two buildings down. If you go beyond Eugene’s Bridal Shop, you’ve gone too far.”

“Alright, thanks. So, how do I look? This is my first time going to a gym. I get the feeling I’ve overdressed for the occasion.” I say, looking down at my ensemble from the t-shirt with a tank top over it down to the tube socks and converse.

Bowie cups his chin and surveys me head-to-toe, “Honestly? A little bit. I’d ditch the leg warmers and sweatbands if I were you. And that tank top.” 

I do as he recommends and get rid of those extra items. “Can you keep these here for me? I’ll come back and pick them up.”

“No sweat, dude.” He says and I laugh ‘cause it sounds like such a dad joke.

“Thanks, Bowie! I owe you!”

“Anytime! Have fun!” He says and waves goodbye to me. I wave back and leave the store.

I cross the street and see the Bridal Shop and right before it is none other than “Jackson Street Gym”. I take a deep breath before entering the building.

The last thing I expected (and by expecting, I mean dreading) was this place being a children’s gym. I suddenly feel a lot less nervous. 

I can feel someone tap on my shoulder which causes me to wince, “Oh! TJ! I didn’t see you there.” I giggle nervously.

“Oops, sorry. I should’ve said something. Didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that.” He says. 

I see that he’s dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt with the gym’s logo on it. It’s kinda funny not seeing him in basketball shorts and a hoodie, it’s practically his uniform.

“Welcome to my place of employment.” TJ says, trying to sound professional.

I’m feeling kinda woozy and lightheaded. 

_What is up with me today?_

“It’s a very nice place of employment!” I try to sound witty, it must’ve worked because TJ’s chuckling.

_He’s either being extra polite or he actually thinks I’m funny. I find the latter hard to believe._

He then turns his attention away from me for a moment, “Hey kids, gather around, I want you all to meet a friend of mine. This is Cyrus.”

“Hi, Cy-us!” The kids all shout in unison.

“Hi, kids.” I say back. 

“You’ll have to forgive them, they have trouble saying the letter ‘r’.” TJ tells me and then turns on his bluetooth speakers which gets the kids excited.

“Who are we?” TJ shouts.

“All-Stars!” The kids shout back and the intro to “All Star” by Smash Mouth plays in the background.

“I can’t hear you!”

“ALL-STARS!” The kids shout louder and then start warming up. It looks like a step-touch dance and it’s so adorable seeing TJ do this with the kids. 

I’ll say this, he’s full of surprises.

After they finish warming up, the kids proceed to split into small groups to tackle various activities in the gym while the playlist continues with other Smash Mouth songs like “Hang On” and “I Just Wanna See”. TJ really seems to like that band.

“Okay, everyone, we’re actually gonna change things up for today. I need your help with a certain task. The reason Cyrus is with us today is because we’re gonna teach him how to do a somersault. You guys think you can handle that?” 

They all yell “Yes!”

One voice interrupts, “ A somersault? I learned how to do that years ago.” This little kid who couldn’t be more than eight, says. I start to feel self-conscious.

“Declan, enough of that!” TJ sternly tells him. I wonder why that kid’s name sounds familiar.

“Ignore Declan. He has a snide remark for everything.” 

He puts his hands on my shoulders and starts talking like an over-the-top trainer. 

“O-kay, Goodman, listen up. You only got this one obstacle standing between you and greatness. Remember this quote by one of today’s greatest philosophers, _‘Ain’t about how fast I get there, ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the climb.’_ You’re gonna tackle this somersault, you’re gonna eat lightning and you’re gonna crap thunder.”

“Um...what?” I say, ‘cause nothing he just said made any sense.

“Sorry about that, went on a tangent there.” TJ says in his normal voice. “The point is, you got this.”

“Just look at me and do as I do.” One little girl, who I learned is named Vera, calls me over and demonstrates how she does it.

I watch as she, along with many of the other kids, demonstrate and then it’s my turn. This takes me a good 20 minutes, there’s a lot of trial and error… then suddenly.

“You did it!” TJ excitedly yells and all the kids, even Declan, start cheering.

“Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus! Cyrus!” The kids and TJ chant while I raise my arms in victory.

_I did it! I actually did it! _

TJ and I get so caught up in our celebration, we chest-bump and I almost fall backwards but he catches me on time and we laugh as I find my balance.

I tackle a few more activities like the climbing net and the play tunnel and just having a good time with TJ and the kids. Then closing time approaches and we wait for the parents to show up and pick up their respective children.

“I was thinking about getting some coffee before going home, you wanna join me?” TJ asks as he closes the gym.

“You said the magic word, I practically live off coffee… which might not be the healthiest way to go about life.” I say awkwardly.

TJ laughs a little at that, “Very true, but I promise I won’t tell your doctor about your caffeine addiction if you don’t tell mine.” He says with a wink.

I wink back to him and we walk to The Pumpkin Spice Cafe together, really close together it feels like.

Once in the cafe, we pick one of the window seats. I already know what I want to order but TJ’s taking his time reading all the options on the menu.

I whisper in his ear, “I highly recommend the Pumpkin Spice. And not just because that’s the name of this fine establishment.”

TJ can’t resist letting out a snort and some folks look at us strangely. “I was looking at the tea. They look really refreshing and I’d like something nice and cool after all that working out.”

Iris sees both of us and waves ecstatically and approaches us carrying a tray of dirty dishes.

“Cyrus, hi!” She pulls me into a side hug. “Who’s your friend?”

TJ bashfully waves and I say, “Iris, this is-.”

Iris cuts me off, “TJ? Oh My Gosh! This is the first time I’ve seen you here!” She also gives him a hug.

I raise an eyebrow, “Y-you know each other?”

“Yes! I’m dating TJ’s cousin, Amber. Didn’t you know, silly?”

I turn to look at him, “Amber’s your cousin?”

TJ looks down at the floor, “Uh, guilty.”

“I’m so happy you two are hanging out! If you need anything just tell me!” Iris says and then leaves to clean the dishes.

TJ leaves my side to order his tea and I follow him to order my coffee. After our drinks are ready, we go back to our little table.

He drinks his orange-mango-dragonfruit tea in silence for a bit and then asks me in a rather low voice, “So, um, how do you know Iris?”

_Good Golly, Miss Molly. I was hoping he wouldn’t ask that but I guess it was bound to come up eventually._

I tap on my coffee cup nervously, “Well, she and I were in a relationship last year.” I quickly take a drink of my hot coffee, nearly choking on it.

_Great, now I’m coughing like a fool and my eyes are getting watery._

“You ok? Do you need me to get you some water?” He says, getting up from his seat.

I cough, “No, really,” I cough again, “I’m fine. I just took a big sip”

TJ sits down again still looking at me with concern and curiosity.

“I’m sorry. That was none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, no, no! It’s totally ok! You were curious. It’s understandable.”

TJ nods, “Yeah. Well, it’s a small town. I guess everybody knows each other one way or another.”

“Exactly! But, I had no idea that you and Amber Brown are related.”

“Yeah.” He says and continues drinking his tea.

“Yup.” I say too.

_Well… things just got totally awkward. Come on, Cyrus, think of something to say!_

I notice his shoes and decide to compliment them, “Hey, uh, nice sneaks!”

TJ doesn’t even look at me, “Oh, um, thanks. They’re kinda old.”

_Welp. That didn’t work. I can feel my armpits sweating, profusely._

He’s still looking out that darn window and it’s making me anxious and kinda upset.

_Why won’t he look at me? Did a random zit show up? Is he embarrassed of me?_

I keep staring at him but I can’t help it. And I’m probably pouting too.

“Um, did you know that these cups are biodegradable?” I say finally.

That seems to spark his interest and he’s making eye contact with me again.

_I can breathe again._

“Really? That’s cool.” He says.

“Yeah, my friend’s grandmother owns this place. She’s all about making whatever choices she can make to reduce her carbon footprint.”

TJ takes a closer look at the decor in the cafe and notices that a lot of it includes vintage tables, real vinyl records and cds being re-used as wall decorations.

“I’ll definitely have to become a regular here. I think it’s really important that people take stock of themselves and really do their part to help the planet.”

“While I agree that individual action is important, I think you have to also factor the kind of impact that big corporations have on the planet. Most of the damage is being done by energy companies which has a huge impact on those living in impoverished areas.” I add on to his statement.

TJ clears his throat, “The top one-percent needs to be the bottom one-percent!” 

I completely lose it and start laughing hysterically.

_I’m making a complete spectacle of myself but I don’t care!_

“Sorry for making a scene. I really couldn’t resist. I know I can be a total cringe-fest.” He admits and he’s kinda burying his face in his shirt.

Once I recover from my laugh attack, I manage to say, “Yes, it was cringe but it was hilarious!”

TJ’s smiling again and I’m happy. I missed that smile.

Just between you and me, I could stare at that smile all day. I think I may have found something that I like more than Jonah’s dimples and that’s truly saying something.

TJ and I talk about other important issues as well as our fun afternoon at the Gym. But, sadly, like most good things it had to end and we went our separate ways.

I visit the Red Rooster again on the way back home. Bowie’s still there and he asked me about my time at the gym to which I answered honestly (minus the coffee outing).

Afterwards, I looked at the vinyls in hopes of finding a George Harrison album. I finally did, and it’s called “All Things Must Pass”. Bowie rings up my purchase and tells me what a great selection it is.

Back in the comfort of my bedroom, I borrow Todd’s vinyl player and play the record. It’s beautiful and melodic. It nearly brings me to tears because it’s making me think of Green. I wonder what he’s doing now?

I lay in bed and think to myself, 

_What is life without you by my side, Green?_


	12. Come Along with Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:_ Sincerest apologies (again) for taking a while to update this story. Life's been kind of a pain. Moreover, your patience and support are greatly appreciated._**
> 
> For those of you who are reading **Love, Cyrus** I wanted to ask if you would be interested in reading two sequels that will be written in the POVs of the other characters? Can you let me know in the comments if you would be interested in reading those?
> 
> **Andi's Off Beat Summer:**
> 
> School's Out, Summer's In. Andi gets some news that affects her home life. Not wanting to deal with the mess, she leaves Shadyside to attend an art camp/seminar. During her time there, she discovers more about herself and meets a new friend. 
> 
> Jonah spends his summer pining for a girl that has long moved on. He also seeks to repair important friendships in his life.
> 
> **She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not:**
> 
> The final chapter in the Good Hair Crew's time at Grant High School. Buffy becomes obsessed with SATs/ACTs and mapping out her future which causes a strain in her relationship with Marty. 
> 
> Marty's past comes back to haunt him and he's unsure of what he wants to do after graduation. 
> 
> _ ****These descriptions are subject to change since these sequels are still in the planning stage.** _

**FROM:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE:** November 2 at 6:22 PM

**SUBJECT:** Gobbledy Goober

Hey MuffinMan,

Happy November to you too! Hahaha, it's time to get out my fave sweaters! (JK I'm always wearing them). MuffinMan's Mix it is! ;)

Awe, I'll savor every bite! Oh man... listening to vinyls sounds like a dream. I wish we could do that right now.

I'll let you in on a little secret (i also use emojis to express emotions, it's not that weird).

You have my full permission to be as nosy as you want. Really. It's nice to have someone I don't have to hold anything back with. I also have my cousin but even with her there are things that are just too uncomfortable to talk about.

I dunno, MB, I have a feeling you'd be able to hold your own a lot more than you let on. You know what they always say, "It's the quiet ones you have to watch out for". In fact, are you actually James Bond?

I got the warm fuzzies knowing someone's got my back :')

Yeah boi!!! Let's hang ten and be cringey... together ;)) Cowabunga!

If we were having this discussion in person (y'know the one in which we talk about making a pact to come out to our parents), this would be the part in which we sit on a bench and I hold your hand. And maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to send each other good vibes through our hands. Yeah... I know that sounded pretty gay but whatever i'mma "taste the rainbow" and I'm hoping you'll find the strength to do the same.

I swear, I'm so freaking boring when it comes to holiday plans. I'm probs just gonna be at home and mom will cook a gluten-free-cruelty-free type of Thanksgiving meal, dad will put on some sports and play music, and my cousin will likely come over for a bit. The holidays for us are either a) super boring or b) super weird. It depends on the holiday. My parents go all out for Earth Day 'cause those are the kind of parents I've got.

...And we have a long Green family tradition of playing Scrabble. I have no idea why. Don't ask.

What are your plans?

Love,

Green

I smile after reading Green's recent email and then put my phone aside. Walker approaches me with a basket of taters and in an unexpected turn of events, he slides into the booth across from me.

_Whatever you do... DON'T BLUSH!!!_

Oh who am I kidding? I always look like a ripe tomato around cute boys, Walker being one of them.

I sit upright, smooth out any imaginary wrinkles on my button-down, and fold my hands like a good school boy. I would run my fingers through my hair but that's probably "too flirty".

"Hey, Goodman, hope you don't mind me sitting here." Walker says, flashing his photogenic smile.

_Be cool, calm, and collected, Cyrus... *dreamy sigh* I like the way he says "goodman"._

"I don't mind, but won't you get in trouble?" I say and my eyes are scanning the area to see if anyone's watching us.

"No worries, I'm covered. I already told them I would take a break after serving you that basket."

_That's a relief.  
_

"So, how're things over at Grant? You're a junior, right?" He asks.

He's so cheeky and takes a tater from my basket and pops it into his mouth!

Walker laughs seeing my shocked reaction, "Sorry, that was kinda bold of me. I didn't have anything for breakfast."

I push the basket towards him, "Mi taters are su taters. Yes, I'm a junior but I still look like a freshman."

"And he speaks Spanish! What can't you do, Mr. Goodman?"

My throat's goes dry and I clear it, "Oh, you can call me Cyrus. Mr. Goodman's my father."

Walker's smile widens and I get a glimpse of his unbelievably perfect white teeth.

"Fair enough, Cyrus. I've got something I've been wanting to show you for a while. Is that alright with you?"

_How can I possibly say no to him? Is he crazy? Wait, that would be me. Duh._

He pulls out a leather notebook from his apron which has his initials engraved on the front cover. He's clutching the notebook close to his chest like it's something he really treasures. I can't help but feel so honored.

"So, uh, this is my sketchbook. Which is pretty self-explanatory. But, I wanted to show you some sketches in particular." He hands the book over to me and opens it to a certain page. I'm in awe as I look at the picture, it's me with Andi and Buffy. It's such a beautiful pencil sketch...I'm...I'm at a loss for words.

"This is really, REALLY, good. Amazing, in fact. Did you draw this from memory?"

"Yeah, it's just a little something I was working on. You can look at the other pages too."

I flip through the notebook and see the various pencil sketches of Shadyside landscapes, other people, even some animals. Walker truly has an artistic soul. He captures the effortless beauty of Utah so well.

_He's reminding me of someone else dear to me who's also got an artistic soul._

Come to think of it, I notice he's the only waiter here who wears a green apron. Here I am thinking that my mysterious email buddy could possibly be Jonah, but could it actually be Walker?

"Wow, Walker, gotta hand it to you. You managed to make me better looking than I am in real life." I say with a chuckle.

"What?" He chuckles too, "You don't need me to make you look good. You do that yourself, I was just lucky enough to capture it on paper. If anything, I'm the one who was blessed to have drawn you."

At this point, I have officially lost the battle of keeping myself from blushing.

_Is it premature of me to say that I'm in love?_

The little bell on the front door rings, indicating someone's just walked in and I see it's Andi. Walker immediately puts his notebook away.

"Well, that's my cue to put my waiter persona back on."

Andi joins me, followed by Walker welcoming her and asking if she wants her usual. He leaves to place the order but not before taking one more look in my direction.

_I see this longing in his eyes. The last time I saw something like this was way back in September after that conversation with TJ in the gym._

I glance back at him for a moment before turning my attention back towards Andi.

"What's going on with Buffy? Is she gonna meet us here?" I ask.

Andi sighs, which is never a good sign, and shows me her phone screen. "I've texted her five times and called twice! I don't think she's coming."

Andi sinks in her seat and eats the last tater, "I heard a rumor that she and Marty were talking near the bleachers and Buffy cursed at him and he cried. But that doesn't sound like something either of them would do. And then, I heard another rumor that Marty's been ditching track practice to smoke under the bleachers, which I find really hard to believe. This is Mr. 'I ate a live frog' Marty we're talking about."

I don't know what to believe anymore when it comes to those two and their relationship (as it stands). My classmates love to gossip but the fact that Buffy seems to change the subject every time Marty's mentioned combined with our limited interactions with the Partyman during rehearsals, these rumors seem pretty difficult to dispute.

"Buffy says things are working themselves out. But that sounds about as believable as Mom saying she was able to give Onyx a bath without any mishaps."

"What should we do? Our little friend group is falling apart."

"I have no idea, Cyrus." She says, which isn't reassuring at all but it's reality.

Andi rests her head on my shoulder and Walker delivers her order.

There aren't enough baby taters and milkshakes in the world to ease the pain.

There's sadly no improvement with our friend group as each rehearsal feels more awkward and continues to stress out Mrs. Mendenhall. There was one point she even whispered to herself (still loud enough for the cast to hear) that she missed guidance counseling.

The only thing that made this month easier to bear were my interactions with Green.

"Ok, let's spice things up with the 'Beauty School Drop-Out' number." Mrs. M directs.

Iris reaches for her pink wig while Marty gets ready to take his place.

"Can't wait 'till I get my white tux." He says, walking around with a bit of swagger.

In full greaser mode, he takes out a comb from his pants pocket and slicks his hair back. I can see Jonah, clear as day, rolling his eyes at Marty's antics. Those two do not get along at all.

_Not to be a pessimist, but how can they possibly be expected to play best friends? All the more reason why I, Cyrus Goodman, should've cast as Danny Zuko. But, hey, I'm not bitter. At all._

"Cyrus, does my wig look even? I'm still trying to get used to it." Iris asks, rushing to take her place.

The wig doesn't seem to wanna stay in place so I keep adjusting it for her. Unfortunately, after much trial and error, it still looks like the leaning tower of cotton candy. Marty's busy flirting with the other girls in the cast not named Amber, Buffy, or Andi.

"Iris! Marty! Places!" Mrs. M shouts, nearly spilling her latte.

"Iris, you might wanna talk to Mrs. M about that wig later. It's not doing you any favors." Marty comments.

Iris' eyes start to well up and she's sniffling. I wrap my arms around Iris and reassure her that Marty doesn't mean to be a jerk. If Amber saw any of this, she would destroy Marty right here in front of everyone. It would be utter carnage.

"Iris? What's wrong?" Amber says taking her from my arms.

"N-nothing. It's my stupid wig! It won't stay on straight." Iris whines. "I look like a big dummy!"

"Yeah, she looks like she got cotton candy stuck on her head." Marty jokes.

This is anatomically impossible, but I think Amber's head turned 180 degrees and she's giving him the look of death. That girl, I swear, looks... possessed.

_Yike-a-saurus!_

Next thing I know, Amber's somehow out of my line of vision and I can hear Mrs. M demanding her to stop chasing after Marty.

"As much as I love a girl chasing after me, can someone please stop Ms. Freaky-Demon-Chick from eating my soul? Or should I dump holy water on her?" Marty says while hiding behind the fake booth in the fake diner.

Amber lets out a monster-like growl.

"Back demon! Back!" Marty shouts.

"Oh for the love of theater, can we please get through one rehearsal! This is supposed to be a production of 'Grease' not 'Godzilla Takes Over a High School'!"

All of us go very quiet because Mrs. M is usually very gentle and kind. And then there's Kip, who's sniggering in the back 'cause of course he would. His favorite pastime, other than baseball, is other people's suffering.

"One more time, PLACES!!! Iris, we'll just have to do this without the wig for now!"

"Can Beck take over? I don't want to be anywhere near her!" Marty says, pointing at Amber.

Mrs. M sighs and looks over at Jonah pleadingly. He gives her a nod and takes Marty's place to do the number.

I watch as the other cast mates take their spots, since this number doesn't involve me whatsoever, I decide to step outside the school for some air. Goodness knows I need it after witnessing that ordeal. I see a golf cart appear around the corner and to my confusion it's getting closer.

I turn around and see the silhouette of a boy behind the wheel, he finally reaches me and it's TJ.

I think it's TJ? Or am I napping during rehearsal again? I stand there looking at him unsure if he's real or not.

"Hey, Cyrus! What's up?" He greets me.

"Um, this is going to sound weird, but can you pinch me?" I ask.

"Um, come again?" He replies.

"It's just that I'm having a hard time believing a boy driving a golf cart is following me. It's been a crazy day."

"I'm sorry, dude. Wanna talk about it? There's a seat here for ya." He says and pats on the passenger seat.

"Before I do, where in the world did you get that golf cart?"

TJ pauses and looks around suspiciously. "Oh, yeah, I borrowed it from Mr. Bag."

I nod unconvincingly, "Uh-huh."

I continue walking away from golf-cart-boy, I can't handle any more shenanigans today.

TJ looks defeated but slowly drives next to me, "Please join me? I wanted to take you somewhere cool. It involves ice cream."

"No offense, but don't tempt me with sugary treats. That just feels rude and manipulative."

"Cyrus, I promise, I'm not trying to get you in any trouble. I pinky swear."

_Pinky swear? That sounds oddly familiar._

Him saying that makes me stop for a moment but I shake my head and keep walking and TJ keeps driving. I wasn't aware of how persistent he could be. It's sort of endearing but totally annoying.

"Ah, it's such a nice day out isn't it? A nice day to go for a spin on a golf cart." TJ continues, leaning back in the seat, one-hand on the steering wheel. He even managed to put on some cool blue ray-ban sunglasses.

"Ah, it's a nice day to not be bothered by a boy in a stolen golf cart." I say back.

"I swear, all I wanted to do was hang out with you for a little bit. I give you my word that I'll return this to the gym afterwards." He says and gives me the big puppy-eyed look, pout and everything.

"Hmm. And I thought chivalry was dead. Either that, or you've perfected the puppy-dog look."

"You're kinda cheeky, you know?" He says.

"Oh yeah? Well, you can't take no for an answer."

TJ raises his hands in defeat, "You got me, Goodman. I'm a stubborn donkey."

"At least you're a self-aware stubborn donkey."

"So, are you gonna take a walk on the wild side just for a moment?" TJ says reaching his hand out to me.

I pause and look at his hand, "Well, dancing with danger is on my bucket list." I take his hand and hop onto the seat.

"Now put the pedal to the metal before I change my mind, Kippen."

"You got it, Goodman."

TJ magically materializes another pair of ray-bans but these are red and gives them to me.

I put them on, "I'm starting to think you had this whole thing planned out."

He smirks, "Nah, I never plan anything. I live in the moment, bro."

"I feel cool beans in these sunglasses." I admit sheepishly.

"I can assure you it's not the sunglasses that are cool beans." He says.

I lean back in my seat, arms behind my head, and even put my feet on the dashboard. This is so much fun and I feel like a bad boy.

We continue riding around the campus but our little journey comes to a halt when he parks the golf cart near the back entrance of the cafeteria.

"Is this where the goods are?" I say a little too loudly.

TJ politely shushes me and I place a hand over my mouth. I whisper "Sorry" and follow him into the empty and dim cafeteria. TJ effortlessly picks the lock to the freezer and we go in, quietly of course.

"This right here is where they keep the good stuff." TJ says as he walks inside the giant freezer.

He then comes out of it with an arm full of ice cream bars and sandwiches that the school has never given us. Whenever we do get ice cream, it's usually a low quality store brand type that even tastes artificial, not to mention it's already started to melt once we get it.

TJ hands me a sea salt caramel ice cream bar. I thank him and unwrap the bar and bite into it, "For the Love of Goodness! This school has been holding out on us!"

"Definitely. It's pretty unfair that I've got this so-called 'jock privilege'. I'm glad I could share the wealth though." TJ says.

We say "Cheers" and continue to fatten ourselves up with all the ice cream we could possibly eat, which is likely going to make the walk back to the Theater all the more difficult and slow. Very slow. It's so bad that I have to ask TJ to help me up from the floor which he does.

Again, I have to marvel at how strong he is, he's quite a skinny and lanky boy. Maybe there's hope for someone like me to be just as ripped. Sadly, I'm currently built like a wet noodle.

We sneak out of the cafeteria with ease and hop back onto the "borrowed" golf cart.

_I still don't believe him._

TJ takes a shortcut through the football field (luckily no one's there or we'd definitely be in trouble) and reaches the back door to the Theater.

_Thank goodness I don't have to walk so much. He's a saint. And I didn't even have to ask him!_

"Thank you for the ice cream, and for taking me back here in one piece."

"No problem, I'm gonna stay true to my word and return this thing. Afterwards, I'll try to figure out some way to kill time before Amber takes me home." TJ says and then realizes the wait might be a pretty long one.

"Do you wanna wait inside the auditorium?" I offer, unsure of how Mrs. Mendenhall might feel about that.

TJ picks up on my uncertain tone of voice, "Nah, that's ok. I know there's a 'no lurking' policy for these rehearsals. I can wait elsewhere, it's fine."

I give him a sympathetic look and I can almost feel my face wanting to pout. I wish he and I could hang out more 'cause when we do I feel so alive and it's always so much fun especially given the situation my friends are in. It's a nice little escape...

_...kinda like my interactions with Green are._

Before entering the building, I give TJ a nod and a smile and he returns it.

I just rode a stolen golf cart to eat secret ice cream with TJ Kippen, Captain of the Basketball Team. And I gotta say, I feel like the coolest guy on the planet! It's making my heart do that fluttering thing.

Which usually only means one thing... and I'm too afraid to admit it.

**FROM:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE:** November 9 at 10:11 AM

**SUBJECT: Re:** Gobbledy Goober

Hey Green!

How's my favorite M&M? Or should I say my favorite ogre? Hopefully the latter doesn't offend you. If it does, a million apologies! YAY! I can't wait to receive another specialized Green playlist! The first one was such a hit! (see what I did there? :D)

I'll be sure not to go too crazy with my new "nosy privileges" lol! I'll try to be a good boy for the most part teehee xD

I've had the most interesting week. Let's just say I'm gradually not buttoning my shirt all the way up, I'm leaving two buttons undone :O I'm letting my hair loose and venturing a bit on the wild side...

And it's so EXHILARATING!!!

I highly recommend you do it sometime, it feels great!

Anyway, sorry for being all extra like that. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

I guess the jig is up... my parents aren't therapists. They're actually secret agents, don't tell anyone! My code name is MuffinBoy. 🤫🤫🤫

I may be a random boy on the other side of a screen but I always got your back :) And I hope one day I can be there for you in person. No pressure tho!

COWABUNGAAAAAAAA YAAAAAAYYYYYY

(I may have had a few bags of skittles before typing this email. Don't judge :p)

OMG that is the cutest, most sweetest imaginary scenario I've ever read! It sounds like something out of a coming-of-age movie 😭😭😭 Can that please come true? I will never ask for anything for Hanukkah again! That's all I want.

You can't see me right now, but I'm imagining that I'm holding your hand and sending you all the good vibes! Hope they reach you.

Yessss, let's "taste the rainbow" together! But I think I've had enough skittles for one day, my stomach is kinda aching now 🤢 I'm definitely going to lie down for a bit after I send this.

Thanksgiving at your house sounds like fun! You play Scrabble? That's so cute! Earth Day is a very underrated holiday, I'm glad your parents celebrate it.

As for me, my mom goes into 'control freak' mode during the holidays and it can kinda suck the fun out of it :( My step-dad and I have to try hard to get her to calm down. She does all the cooking, my step-dad cleans up the house, and I help around. Like right now, I should be taking out the garbage but I snuck into my room to reply, huzzah! I will say this though, one thing I look forward to eating most is Mom's famous "Chocolate Gelt Pecan Pie", you have to try it someday, it's to die for!!! Maybe we can take pictures of both of our meals that day and send them to each other? Pretty please?

Love,

MuffinBoy

**FROM:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE:** November 16 at 2:04 PM

**SUBJECT: Re:** Gobbledy Goober

'Sup MB!

How's it crumblin'?

Lmao M&M you crack me up! xD Nah, no offense taken, I know what I am. And my cousin's been calling me an ogre... a booger... and a troll... among other nice things my whole life. I'm used to it. But she does it in a purely joking way (at least I think she does). To be fair tho, I also call her plenty of names, I guess it's our weird way of bonding. Another Green family tradition is roasting each other, mom is always poking fun at dad and vice versa. Again, it's all done in good fun.

I'm doin' ok I guess. It's been an interesting week for me too though for different reasons. I've always (sorta) lived on the edge but it's way more fun to do it with someone else. Just sayin'

Dude that's freaking awesome! I'm so proud of you for letting loose. I couldn't explain the feeling any better, it's definitely _**exhilarating**_ :)

AHA! I knew it! I'm onto you MuffinBoy 👀 But... I'll keep my lips sealed 🤐

In the many months we've been chatting and emailing, you've become so much more than a random boy on the screen. You've become such a big part of my life, I don't know what I'd do if you ever stopped writing to me. I'd probably not want to leave my room for a couple of days... maybe weeks 😓. I don't say that to manipulate you in talking to me tho, I'm being completely honest. That's just how much I love talking to you.

_*totally judging you while consuming a second bag of reese's pieces*_ 😜😜😜

Nope, I will not accept that. MuffinBoy deserves all the Hanukkah gifts he wants, all eight of them! (yes, i did some research 😉) I wish I could give you one but I'm not sure if that would be appropriate 😅

Believe me when I say I've received all the warm good vibes you've sent me. Thanks a mil ❤️

Aw, hope your tummy isn't aching anymore. Go easy on the sweets (which is hilarious coming from me).

Yep, you'd be surprised the kind of words my dad comes up with. He wins pretty much all the time, it's low-key annoying 'cause I'm sure 95% of those words are made up 😒

Sorry your mom gets stressed during the holidays. I think we all go a little crazy during that time of the year. I recommend giving her a hug when you can, moms love those apparently. Woah, you've got my mouth watering with that mention of chocolate pecan pie! I can't make any promises but I'll try to send pics if I can.

Love,

Green

**P.S. **Me if I was in charge of cooking Thanksgiving dinner 🤣🤣🤣

> **November 23 at 2:59 AM**
> 
> (Notification: new message in chat)
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** What are you doing up at 3:00 in the morning young man?
> 
> **Green:** I could ask you the same question, MuffinMan :P
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I believe I asked you first.
> 
> **Green:** Fair point, I just couldn't sleep (obviously, I know). I have a lot on my mind.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Wanna talk about it?
> 
> **Green:** It's something I've been thinking about since this month started. Honestly this month's been a blur and kind of a drag :/
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I know the feeling. What's on your mind?
> 
> **Green: **Well, I've only been pondering about it at first but these past two weeks especially it's been gnawing at my skull. I'm...well...I'm thinking about coming out to my parents.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Are you sure you're ready?
> 
> **Green:** IDK, but honestly will I ever be 100% ready? I'm still very scared about doing this, and I hope this doesn't overwhelm you, but talking to you has inspired me so much. It's getting harder to keep this part of me to myself. I'm still not ready for everyone in my life to know yet but I feel like the time has come to tell my folks.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** It means so much to me that I inspired you to be honest with them. When are you gonna do it?
> 
> **Green:** Probably during Thanksgiving w/e, maybe after dinner, they'll be too tired to kick me outta the house if they don't accept me, lol.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Green, if they're anything like how you described them to me, I have no doubt in my mind they'll still love you.
> 
> **Green:** I hope so.
> 
> **Green:** I'm one lucky guy to have such a supportive person in my life :)
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Always <3
> 
> **Green:** 'Aight well I'm gonna hit the hay, I got stuff I gotta do 2morrow.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Sweet dreams Green :)
> 
> **Green:** Right back at ya
> 
> _Green and MuffinBoy sign out_

This is a lot for me to take in, I'm far too wide awake to go back to sleep now. He's gonna come out to his parents, because of me. I don't know how to feel, whatever happens to Green on Thanksgiving weekend is gonna be my fault. I would never forgive myself if things went bad and he stops talking to me altogether even though he recently confessed that he _**loves **_talking to me. Not like, loves. Those are such strong words. My mind's a total mess. _  
_

My hand reaches for my cell phone and I scroll through my contacts. I pause for a moment when I reach "TJ". And then I look for Buffy's name. My thumb hovers over the "call" button but I can't find the strength to press it... and it's almost 4 in the morning. I shouldn't wake her up but I don't want to be alone with my thoughts either. This is so hard.

All I can manage to do is type her a three-letter text **SOS** and hit send. I obsessively keep checking the message, hoping to see the three dots that indicate that she's replying. It takes a while until she finally does and she texts:

** _What's wrong? _  
**

And then I respond:**  
**

**I'm really scared about something. And I can't sleep at all.  
**

** _Cyrus, this sounds serious, what's going on? I hope you're not losing sleep over me... or Marty. I can't even type his name without getting upset _**🤦**  
**

** No, this is about me.  
**

_ **Ok, now I'm the one that's scared.** _

**Remember a few weeks ago when I told you that I was going through some stuff but I wasn't ready to tell you about it?**

_ **Yeah.** _

**Well... I'm ready to talk about it.**

_ **I'm listening.** _

Every time I start to text, I delete what I had typed. This is something that I can't talk about over a text message. _**  
**_

**Can we meet up somewhere?**

** _Um, you do know it's 4:35 in the morning?_ **

**Yes, I'm aware. I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't serious.**

_**I guess I can go for an extra early jog**_ 😉

**Sounds good. Is the pond in the park fine?**

_ **Fine with me, I'll see you in a few.** _

With that I reach for a pair of Vans and very quietly sneak out to the backyard and grab my bike. I walk with it until I'm far enough away from the house, snap on my helmet, and start riding to the pond.

As soon as I get there, I just sit by the water, bringing my knees to my chest as I wait for Buffy. Looking at the pond, and the ducks swimming by, helps ease my nerves a bit.

"I'm here, Cyrus!" Buffy shouts who's jogging towards me.

_A little warning next time, Buffy!_

I nearly roll into the pond but she reaches me in time before that can happen.

"Geez, Cyrus. You act like you saw a ghost." Buffy chides me while helping me up.

I wipe the grass off my clothes and walk towards a bench nearby where we both take a seat. I'm staring down at my feet, avoiding eye contact with Buffy. I'm starting to regret coming here but I need to do this.

"I don't know how to say this, and it's taking everything in me not to run away. But..." My voice trails off.

Buffy holds my hand, "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

I look into her brown eyes and squeeze her hand and then I take a deep breath.

"Ok, I'm just gonna say it. Buffy..." I pause, "I'm gay." I can feel the tears wanting to fall but I'm not about to start bawling like a baby in the park.

Buffy's response is a silent "Oh." She looks like she's pondering my words but not too surprised by what I said.

"You don't seem shocked by this. Did you know?"

"No, I didn't. But I'm not surprised by it either. I can't explain it." She reaches a finger to my face, wiping away the tears that have fallen.

"Cyrus, you have nothing, absolutely nothing to worry about. I love and accept you the way you are. It's like I told you a couple of years ago, there's nothing wrong with you. And don't let anyone make you feel otherwise."

I start sobbing uncontrollably and Buffy pulls me into a hug and soothes me the whole time. It takes a while for all the tears and the shaking to subside.

My voice is still weak and shaky but I manage to say, "Thank you so much. I-I really needed this. You have no idea how hard it's been keeping this a secret."

"Thank you for trusting me. Does anyone else know?"

"No, the thought of anyone else knowing..." My voice pitches as I feel my anxiety get a hold of me again.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay. I promise." She says.

_I hope so. I really, really, hope so. I feel like my whole world's been turned upside down and not even gravity can keep me from floating away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to [**@amazing-lex**](https://amazing-lex.tumblr.com/) for being one of our biggest supporters
> 
> This one is for you ♡


	13. A Walker Not To Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **T/W: There's some homophobic language in this chapter, it's very brief. You've been warned.**
> 
> There's going to be a few chapters left in this story as we're getting near the end. As always, please give it a kudo, share it with your friends, and leave a comment. It really helps me out.
> 
> Sincerely,  
blueberrymackadamia

Well, I finally did it. I told someone. But not just anyone, I got the courage to tell Buffy. And it’s SO liberating, but only half the battle’s won. There are still many people that are in the dark about this secret but I’ll share it when I’m ready to.

Pretty much after our little early morning rendezvous, Buffy and I have gotten close again and it just made me realize how much I took her for granted. She’s always there for me and I often feel like I don’t do enough for her. I know this whole Marty situation has stressed her and has caused a bit of a strain in our friendship.

_ I wish Marty would just grow a pair and apologize for what he did! This whole ordeal is getting exhausting. _

I long for some normalcy ‘cause I need it now more than ever.

I spent the night over at Buffy’s and it felt like old times, like we’re in second grade and didn’t have to worry about stupid boys and high school drama. I attempted to braid Buffy’s hair but it didn’t turn out quite right, thankfully, she was cool about it. I even let her experiment with some make-up on me and I kinda liked it. I should seriously consider getting some eyeliner.

Who knows? Maybe I’ll finally catch someone’s eyes. The Junior prom is a couple of months away and as much as I love going with Andi and Buffy, I would die if someone asked me! But it’s 20biteen, I could ask someone out but I have no idea who in this school, other than Amber, is gay. My dating pool is very narrow, it’s smaller than a pond.

For now, I’ll have to settle with being a third wheel (Andi too). I guess that isn’t so bad.

But, boy, oh, boy would I love to find a cute scented note with a rose attached to my locker. Yes, I’m a sappy fool who wants to live out his teen rom-com fantasies. Let a boy dream while he still can!

With the elation I felt coming out to Buffy, I feel guilty for not also telling Andi. She’s my best friend too and we've gone through so much together. Ultimately though, it’s still a step I feel more comfortable taking slowly.

**FROM: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**TO: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com 

**DATE: **November 28 at 6:05 AM

**SUBJECT: **Tofurkey Day!

Happy Tofurkey Day!

I’m up extra early to help out around the house before family and relatives come over. There’s no way I’m gonna be able to sneak into my room today and I didn’t want to leave you hanging! 

Anyway, I’ll probably spam you with pictures of our food via the chat. Hope that’s a-ok with you!

I’m quite literally crumblin’ with all this stress I’m currently dealing with 😓 But I guess I’m ok for the most part. How are you doing?

I’m positive she’s just joking with you, seems like you’re both very close. Sounds like your whole family takes part in plenty of witty banter.

I refer to myself as more of a “living in the middle” type of guy. I like this feeling of letting my hair down and cutting loose. Still feels weird to me because it’s something I’m just not used to, I’ve never been a rebel before.

Yes, I’m trusting you with this top secret information. Should word get out about my secret identity, this email will self-destruct.

Awwww, you’ve become more than a random boy (behind the screen) too!!! I can’t quite put into words what you mean to me.

_ *judging you for judging me XP* _

You’re too sweet! Eeeep! I’m sure you could sneak in an extra present, as long as my mom doesn’t know xD

Since my good vibes helped you before, I’m sending more your way to get you through this evening especially when you share your truth with your parents. I really hope everything goes well! I seriously won’t forgive myself if it doesn’t :’(

I can’t make any promises… but I will try my best to control my sweet tooth.

Hmm, interesting. Can I get a few examples of these “made-up” words? My curiosity is piqued.

Thanks. I’m used to my mom’s, um, less favorable qualities. But, she’s my mommy and I will always love her. I’ll be sure to give her a hug! I appreciate the advice. Oh that’s ok, no pressure! I’m sure you’ll tell me how the day went anyway. I’ll be sure to send a pic of the pecan pie ;))

P.S. Me on Thanksgiving - actually all holidays, including my birthday :O

Love,

MuffinBoy 

**FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com 

**TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com

**DATE: **November 28 at 11:45 PM

**SUBJECT: re: **Tofurkey Day!

Haha, Happy Tofurkey Day to you too! ;D

Thanks for all the food pics! I was drooling, like, way too much lol. I’m sorry I couldn’t send you any :( I was pretty busy with the fam and my mom kinda scolded me for being on my phone so I had to leave it in my room.

Anyway, why are things crumbly with you? 

To be honest, I’m barely getting by. Like it’s getting harder each day to get outta bed. I really want winter break to start already. I want to be lazy and play video games all day and sleep in. I play sports so I often have to wake up extra early or stay in school longer for practice and games. I’m also busy on the weekends too with all the working out and more games… ugh it never ends. 

You’re probably rolling your eyes at my whining. I can’t blame you, it’s pretty easy to dislike us jocks we’re so pampered and kinda privileged.

Yikes, they made you wake up that early? How many people came over?

Oh yes, we’re one big witty family. It’s a lotta fun. Sometimes. They’ll definitely keep you on your toes, I’ll tell you that much.

Nothing wrong with you living in the middle, you can take tiny steps and we’ll meet half-way. 

*ducks for cover awaiting the earth shattering KABOOM*

Coast is clear, Monsieur 002 *twists non-existent moustache*

How about this? I sneak you a Christmas present. You can always say Santa brought it for you ;))

Even if things don’t go well, I would never hold it against you. It was MY decision to do this, not yours. Relax MB. If it wasn’t for you I’d still keep pretending to be someone I wasn’t which isn’t easy and I’m so sick of it. Thank you for giving me the strength, regardless of what happens 😘

To give you an example of one of my dad’s “game winning words” he came up with the word “disdam”. Needless to say, Mom and I were very skeptical of this. She asked him to use it in a sentence and he said “You’re no good at disdam game”_ . _ Yes, I’m being serious. There was also the time he had an extra letter so he insisted November was spelled with a silent K (again, I’m not making this up). I can’t believe he’s my father sometimes. I must’ve been adopted or left behind by aliens.

Wait… what if my parents are the aliens? 😱 I mean, they definitely ACT like they’re from another planet.

I think that covers everything for now.

Love,

Green

P.S. Preach ✊

**November 30 at 2:03 PM**

(Notification: new message in chat)

**Green: **I did it.

**MuffinBoy: **You solved global warming? :O

**Green: **Uhh, nope.

**MuffinBoy: **Oh pooh

**Green: **Winnie the Pooh :)

**MuffinBoy: **Is that our inside joke?

**Green: **Yes, it’s one of them ;)

**MuffinBoy: **Wait, what’s the other one???

**Green: **You’ll just have to figure it out.

**MuffinBoy: **Oh fine. Torture me.

**Green: **Ur so dramatic

**MuffinBoy: **So r u!!!

**Green: **Fair point.

**MuffinBoy: **So what were you going to tell me?

**Green: **Oops, got sidetracked. Yeah, I came out to my parents last night.

**MuffinBoy: **I need details!!!

**Green: **It wasn’t terrible. Dad got really emotional tho.

**MuffinBoy: **Oh :(

**Green: **Ya, he felt really guilty for any homophobic things he may have said. I had to console him a lot.

**MuffinBoy: **Awe. And ur mom?

**Green: **She said she had a “hunch” whatever that means 🙄

**MuffinBoy: **That’s good! What about ur cousin?

**Green: **She already knew, she’s the first person I ever told. Back in middle school, I think.

**MuffinBoy: **She accepts you?

**Green: **Yes, she does. She’s my biggest support system (other than you ofc)

**MuffinBoy: **OMG! Yay! I can breathe a sigh of relief!

**Green: **Dude, i already told you, you had nothing to worry about.

**MuffinBoy: **I know, I’m such a worry wart. Anyway, I have something to tell you too. Remember when you told me that I inspired you to come out? Knowing that I gave you that courage actually inspired me.

**Green: **Really?

**MuffinBoy: **Yeah, I actually came out to my best friend. 

**Green: **Wow. Was that hard?

**MuffinBoy: **A little, I was so scared, but she reassured me that everything would be ok. I want to believe her but I’m still kinda unsure.

**Green: **You’re so brave, this proves it. I understand that feeling of being unsure, but we each told someone close to us which is still a victory. 

**MuffinBoy: **Aw, well, I wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for you.

**Green: **Same, you really are the best friend I’ve ever had.

**MuffinBoy:** I know one huge thing I’m thankful for this year, that’s you.

**Green: **I feel the same way.

_  
Green and MuffinBoy sign out _

Thanksgiving wasn’t too bad this year, Mom didn’t have a mental breakdown, and the food was delicious! As always. Green came out and it wasn’t a disaster. Life seems to be headed in a more positive direction. Hopefully my luck will continue today.

I open up my locker to switch some books and to my surprise, I find an envelope tucked in one of my books. The note is from TJ:

> _Hey, Cyrus. I had some extra tickets for our first home game, I thought you might wanna check it out. It’s cool if you don’t but I hope I’ll see you there. The team could use any support we can get._
> 
> _-TJ  
_

Well… it’s not a scented note with a rose but I’ll take it! Buffy and Andi catch me sniffing the envelope which is, for lack of a better word, embarrassing. 

_ It smells so musky and manly. I love it, too much. I’m so weird. _

Buffy raises her eyebrows, “Who’s the note from?”

“Um, it’s from, TJ.”

“Why were you sniffing it?” Andi asks.

“It has a lovely pine scent, give it a whiff!” I place the envelope under her nose.

“Yeah, it’s real pine-y.” Andi says scrunching her nose and blinking.

“What did TJ say?” Buffy continues.

“He gave me four tickets to the game this Friday.”

Buffy smirks, “That was very nice of him.”

I wipe those darn sweaty palms on my pants, “Yes, it is. Do you wanna come?”

“I’ll go, but it would’ve been a better gift if he had gotten you tickets to a Spikes game, seeing as we’re the better team.” Buffy snarks.

“Are you going to be mean during the game?” I ask.

“Maybe a little.” She lets out a little mischievous laugh.

“Andi, are you coming too?” I ask after rolling my eyes at Buffy.

“Sure, why not?”

“Now I just gotta figure out who to give the fourth ticket to.” I thought about two possible people I could ask but the look on Buffy’s face made me change my mind fast.

I see Gus walking by, “Hi Gus.”

“Hello, Cyrus.” He adjusts his red glasses.

“I got an extra ticket to Grant’s basketball game this Friday if you wanna come.” I say showing him the ticket.

“No thanks, I’m not into basketball. Besides I got a lot to look over for the school paper.”

“Oh, that’s fine. See you at rehearsal.”

“Bye, Cyrus.”

“Here, Andi, just give this extra ticket to Onyx. She can use it to sharpen her claws.”

My quest to find another invitee to the game turned out to be pretty difficult. My first two choices included Marty and Jonah but for obvious reasons *cough* Buffy *cough* I didn’t pick either of them. Luckily, Andi said she found someone who was interested. I wouldn’t be surprised if it ended up being Bex or Bowie that she invited.

However, I would later be surprised to find out it was neither.

It’s the night of the big basketball game and the three of us go to the bleachers to find a spot to save. I look to my right and see Amber and Iris already situated, who are clearly there to support TJ. Iris turns her head and we greet each other, she then faces the court and she and Amber wave to TJ who seems happy to see them there.

TJ and I silently acknowledge each other with a wink and a nod. It’s our thing. With his gaze still on me, I take this as an opportunity to show off one of my, dare I say, brilliant signs:  
****

**He Ain’t Kippen Around!**

And I get a big smile and what looks like a giggle out of him. TJ motions for me to show him more signs but the Coach blows the whistle and he, sadly, has to be in Captain mode. It’s ok, I’ll show them all during the game and hopefully he’ll notice. I did work very hard on them.

Andi looks at my other signs, she picks one up and taps my shoulder, “Very nice variety, Cyrus. You might wanna skip the one that says ‘**TJ Dribbles in His Sleep!**’”

“Good point,” I say, “I admit that one was re-used.”

“Yeah, and it wasn’t good then either,” Andi jokes. I give her a playful shove.

Amber’s biggest fans, the Twits as I call them, have a few choice words to tell her.

“Hey, Brown, you lost? The girls’ basketball game’s tomorrow.” Twit #1 shouts at Amber.

“What’s your point?” Amber rolls her eyes at the comment.

“So, Iris. Since you’re dating Amber, does the carpet match the drapes?” Twit #2 asks.

Iris looks at Amber with confusion, “Why are they asking you about interior decorating?”

“Iris, ignore them. I’ll take care of this.” Amber says and pats Iris’ head.

Amber stands up from her seat and points towards the concession area, “The Hot Dog stand is over there, why don’t you go get yourself some wieners?”

The Twits get laughed at, rightly so, and go take their seats. They’re visibly seething with anger.

“Whatever, dyke.” One of them mutters under their breath.

_ I’m not a lesbian and I feel triggered by that word. Why are people at this school so homophobic? Why are people like this in general? _

“I’m gonna get us some snacks. What do you want, Andi?” Buffy grabs her bag.

“Just some popcorn.” Andi places our jackets over the seats so no one takes them.

Buffy and I then walk to the concession stand. As we wait in line, I’m shocked to see Walker arriving at the gymnasium.

“Buffy, look! He’s here!” I practically squeal.

“Who’s here?” Buffy turns to see who I’m talking about.

“Walker, I can’t believe it! What’s he doing here?” Whatever is the reason he arrived, it’s definitely a very welcome one.

“‘Guess he wanted to see the bloodbath too?” Buffy comments.

“Buffy!” I scold her.

She just snickers and shrugs. Walker turns to us and waves and I return it. “Buffy, there’s something I think you should know. It’s about Walker.”

“That blond part in his hair isn’t natural?” 

_ Sheesh, Buffy, are you going for a snark world record? _

“No, Ms. Sarcastic. Remember that post on Shadyside Secrets we read when the school year started?”

Buffy thinks for a moment, “Yeah, what about it?”

“I’ve been talking to that person. He goes by the name “Green”, and believe it or not, it’s Walker.” I say with a huge smile.

“Um, Cyrus, has your mom been cleaning her office with the extra strong disinfectant again?”

I scoff, “No! Honestly, Buffy, what’s with you today?” 

“I can ask you the same question.”

Ok, now I’m really starting to get upset with her sarcasm and I’m usually a very patient person.

“Do I need to add ‘Walker’ to your never-ending list of people you don’t like?”

Buffy sighs, “I don’t dislike him. I honestly don’t know much about him to have a real opinion of him. And neither should you.”

“What are you saying?”

“What I’m trying to say is that I think you’re a little in over your head. How do you know for sure he’s this ‘Green’ guy? Also, do I seriously need to remind you that he’s an adult?”

I cross my arms, “So? It’s just a two year difference! I’ll catch up… eventually.”

“Cyrus.” She’s giving me that “really, dude” look.

“Ok, ok. Maybe I’m letting my obvious attraction to him dictate my thoughts. I don’t even know if he’s… you know… like me?” 

_ I think I took two steps back by not being able to say the word “gay” out loud. I think I need a time out. _

“Exactly. Just be careful Cyrus, ok? I don’t want you to get hurt. Or things will get ugly.” Buffy warns and I can’t help but appreciate how protective she is of me.

“Which is why I’m going to make a move, here, at the game. So I can know for sure if he’s Green!” I announce while moving away from Buffy.

Buffy facepalms, “I really hope you’re joking.”

“No, I’m serious. I’m going to tell him how I feel and then I’m going to invite him to the Pumpkin Spice Cafe after the game.”

Buffy puts on the “I can’t watch” face but this isn’t about her. I, Cyrus Goodman, am making my move and hopefully have a boyfriend after this...a boyfriend who’s an older guy in fact! And, yes, a big cheesy grin is plastered on my face. Nothing can possibly rain on my parade, not Buffy or even The Universe!

“Hey, Cyrus!” Walker calls out as I approach him.

“Hey, Walker. S’up?” 

_ Perfect, Cyrus, show off how smooth you are. _

“The sky?” He answers cheekily and I laugh. A little too enthusiastically I might add.

“Good one! I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Your friend, Andi, had a spare ticket and she invited me.” 

_ Remind me to thank Andi later. _

“I was actually planning on coming here to watch anyway. I used to play for this team.” He continues.

He’s athletic too? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I think I’ve got a “type”.

“Really? You can draw, you play sports, if you play an instrument you’d be the most perfect guy.” 

Walker blushes. I didn’t think I would ever be capable of that! I’m usually the blusher. Or is it the blushee? I have no idea. I’m so woefully inexperienced regarding matters of the heart.

“Well, between you and me, I have dabbled a little in a few different instruments.” 

_ I KNEW IT! _

“I’m actually glad I ran into you, Cyrus. There’s something I really wanted to ask you.” 

_ OMG! This is it, this is it, this is it! My single days will be a thing of the past! Hallelujah! _

“What a coincidence! There’s something I wanted to ask you too.”

_ Is this what Cloud 10 feels like? ‘Cause I don’t think I’d ever want to leave. _

“Sweet, you first.”

“No, no, no. You brought it up, you go first.”

“Okay. This may seem kinda forward of me…” Walker begins.

_ Here it goes! I hope my breath smells good but I can’t exactly check it right now. _

“Andi, is she seeing anyone?” He asks.

And it was at that moment, I fell off my pink cloud and went back down to Earth with a thunderous “Thud!” 

“What?”

“I really like Andi, I have for a while actually. I wanted to show her my sketches but when she showed up at The Spoon that day I lost my nerve.”

“Oh. No, she’s not seeing anyone.” I answer meekly.

“Great, could you possibly throw in a good word for me?” He asks earnestly.

“Sure, no problem.” I say with a half-hearted smile.

“Thanks, man, you’re the best! By the way, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

_ Great, I’m “the best”. Thanks, Walker. _

“Oh, I guess I forgot.” I shrug and avoid his gaze.

“I hate when that happens. So, wanna go to The Spoon after the game? My treat.”

Normally, I’d say “yes” in a heartbeat but given the circumstances I just really want him to leave me alone. I want the Earth to finally swallow me whole. Words couldn’t possibly describe how mortified I am.

I’m also vividly picturing in my mind Buffy saying “I told you so.” ‘Cause Buffy, unfortunately, is always right.

“No, actually, I woke up really early today, so I’m gonna go straight home after the game. Goodbye, Walker.”

“What’s with the ‘goodbye’ junk? It’s ‘see ya around’.” Walker jokes.

“Uh-huh.”

_ Yeah, "junk" is the best word to describe how I feel right now. Thanks, again, Walker. You really get me and you don’t even have to try. _

I walk back to the bleachers where Andi’s eating popcorn, so blissfully oblivious to what just happened, and Buffy’s eating a corndog. She’s looking at me with concern upon seeing my expression.

Buffy spares me from “telling me so” and holds my hand while stroking my head with her other hand.

I didn’t have the energy to show off my signs so I asked Andi to take over for me. TJ looked up at me a couple of times appearing both concerned and confused. Andi also didn’t seem to understand what was going on either. I feel so bad that I’ve been leaving her in the dark about so many things going on in my life.

It’s going to come back to bite me. I can feel it.

I tried my best to cheer on TJ and the Team whenever they scored but I just wasn’t in it. Again, I feel so awful, like I’m letting TJ down. I probably shouldn’t have accepted the tickets and stayed home or loaded up on taters.

The Bolts were down by 10 points and the Gladiators, our biggest rivals, were ahead and have been dominating the whole game. TJ took quite a few nasty elbows to the nose from the other guys but he kept going and I admire that so much.

It wasn’t until half-time that things got really interesting. 

Brace yourself, because I’m still processing what just happened.

Marty, yes our Marty From The Party, ran onto the basketball court shirtless, his face and chest painted in the school colors, carrying a sign saying ‘**I’m a sleazy jerk!**’ Afterwards, he picked up a microphone from the floor and began singing “A Little Too Not Over You” by David Archuleta (off-key) to Buffy… and TJ who was covering his face with a towel.

He ends the song with, “Good Night Grant Hiiiiiigh! I’ll be here all week! Go Bolts!”

Someone from the crowd, probably one of the twits, shouts, “No you won’t!”

All of a sudden everyone was on their feet cheering and chanting Marty’s name while he was being chased down by the school’s security guards, the ref, the coach, and Dr. Metcalf. His track and field experience definitely helped him out ‘cause he had them going around in circles. Basically, it was like watching the Road Runner get chased by Wile E. Coyote. A bunch of them, in fact.

I turn to Buffy, expecting to see an angry and mortified face, but to my astonishment, she’s actually chuckling and looking charmed by it (and a little embarrassed but not as much as I’d think).

Marty was tackled to the ground roughly by security which prompted Buffy to leave her seat and run to him.

_ Um, mission accomplished. I guess? Oh Marty. _

TJ, however, doesn’t seem impressed at all by his antics.

_ Welp, can’t win ‘em all. _

I’m tempted to follow Buffy but I have a feeling Marty did this to get her attention. I don’t want to ruin his plans. I just hope for his sake that it actually works.

Half-time ends and the game continues but, honestly, no one’s paying attention to the game. Marty is the talk of the town, literally. I’m happy for him but feel sad for the Bolts. Tonight was not their night. TJ made a swift pass to another player to make one final basket but the guy missed and the buzzer went off signaling the end of the game.

The boy who missed the pass fell on the floor and it almost looks like he’s crying. TJ kneels down and helps the boy up and gives him a hug.

_ My heart is doing that buh-boom thing again and it won’t stop. I really need to ignore it. _

Andi and I walk out with the crowd to look for Buffy. Andi approaches Dr. Metcalf to ask where Marty is and directs us to the Nurses’ Office.

“That friend of yours is a firecracker. I’d keep away from a kid like that if I were you.” He advises us.

Andi turns around and says, “With all due respect Dr. Metcalf, that firecracker is my friend and he’s not a bad guy. He needs good people in his life to steer him in the right direction which is what I intend to do. C’mon Cyrus.”

Andi grabs my hand and we head to the Nurse. We’re both happy to see Marty and Buffy snuggling together on the medical exam table.

“You two look very cozy,” Andi says.

Buffy kisses Marty on the cheek, “Yeah, we are.”

“Are you doing ok? No injuries?” I ask him.

“I’m fine Cy-Guy. No worries. I got everything I need.”

The nurse checks on them, “It just looks like a mild sprain, Marty, you should be fine in a few days.”

“Don’t worry Nurse May, I’ll take good care of him.” Buffy says.

“I’m glad. Just remember what I said, Marty, try not to put a lot of weight on that foot.”

“So much for track but it was worth it. I got my Dris back!”

“We should celebrate! How about the Cafe? The Spoon’s going to be way too busy.” Andi suggests.

Marty gets down from the exam table and walks with a slight limp, hand-in-hand, with Buffy. I linger in the back with my head down. Andi walks by my side and takes my hand, “Are you okay?”

Tears well up in the back of my eyes, “Yep, I’m fine. I just wanna go home. I’m really tired.”

We approach my house and I hug Andi and Buffy.

“Hope you guys had fun at the game. Save me a pumpkin spice?” I walk up the steps to the house.

“Of course. Feel better, Cyrus.” Andi says.

I just sit on the steps, knees to my chest, while I watch my friends walk away. It’s bittersweet listening to them laughing and talking. I’d join them but I know I shouldn’t, it’s for the best. My parents have taught me that it’s important to allow yourself to heal after bad or traumatic events.

I need all the healing I can possibly get. And I’m definitely not going to The Spoon for a while.

_ So long baby taters, parting is such sweet sorrow. _

My phone buzzes, I’m thinking it might be Green or TJ but it’s actually Jonah.

** _Hey, how’s your Friday? Done anything fun?_ **

**Well, I went to a basketball game. That was interesting.**

** _Dosh! I didn’t know you liked basketball! :D_ **

**I don’t actually. I was given free tickets so I went.**

** _Noice. Who gave ‘em?_ **

**Oh, y’know the school. They like to give out free tix. I guess it’s how the school entices the students to support school teams.**

** _I wish Jefferson did that with the Space Otters. Nobody went to our games :(( Except you ofc._ **

**I miss the Space Otters.**

** _Me 2_ **

** _Can I ask you something?_ **

**It depends.**

** _It’s nothing, I just wanted to ask if you wanna go over lines? You really helped me out._ **

**Sure, that’s fine. Just let me know when.**

** _Awesome!!! Thanks :) See ya later!_ **

**See ya JB** 👋

My phone buzzes again and it’s from Buffy:

** _Hey, we’re at the Cafe. But I want to talk later tonight. If that’s ok? I understand if you need space. Just tell me. I’m always here <3_ **

**Thanks <3**

I receive another text, this time it’s from TJ:

** _Hey, I missed ya at the end of the game. You seemed sad. Everything cool?_ **

**I’m sorry! I kinda got caught up with my friends and I figured you were busy with the Team. Great game btw.**

** _You’re too kind, really. We were terrible :/ Don’t apologize, your friends are important. Are you doing alright tho?_ **

I pause before answering that. I’m not sure if I should be sharing personal stuff like that with him but he does seem to be very genuine and caring. I don’t know. I’m so vulnerable right now.

** _Cyrus?_ **

**I’m fine, it’s just been a long day.**

** _Sorry to hear that. I’m here if you wanna talk._ **

**I think what I need is some nice cider, my fuzzy slippers, and binge some Adventure Time or Steven Universe. Or both.**

** _Ooo, maybe we can binge together? I LOVE those shows._ **

**How do you suppose we do that?**

** _It’s up to you really. Whatever you want._ **

**Ok, I’ll think about it :)**

** _Cool :)_ **

After taking a well-needed shower, I dress in my favorite Finn onesie and blue slippers. With a bowl of popcorn, I have my laptop setup with all the episodes and TJ’s on the phone. 

“Which ep should we watch?” I ask him.

“Oh man! I have no idea, I love them all.” He says.

TJ randomly starts singing the pancake song and I join him and we both laugh at how awful we sound.

Before the binge-a-thon we exchange PJ selfies, TJ gave my pic a “heart”. He was dressed in a plain t-shirt, plaid pants, and Jake the Dog slippers.

_ I’m so glad he can’t see me right now because I’m in “tomato mode”. Also, I keep feeling guilty because I usually do this stuff with Green. Am I cheating on him? Which doesn’t make sense ‘cause we’re not together, not officially, that is. I’m so confused. _

“Cyrus, you there? Hope my bad singing didn’t scare you off lol!” He says.

_ D-did he just say “lol” out loud? Oh my gosh! _

“Yes! I’m here. Let’s get our binge on!” I announce.

“Yeah boiiiii!”

You have Jonahs who appreciate your support, Martys who will do anything to show his love, and TJs who will send you awkward selfies and spend their evening watching cartoons with you. And then there’s people like Green, who don’t let a screen get in the way of being a good friend. Walker isn’t who I thought he was but I’m lucky to be surrounded by good guys ‘cause they’re not all bad.

And of course there’s always Andi and Buffy, who are precious and irreplaceable. I don’t know what I’d do without them.


	14. The Start of Something New?

True to my word, I’ve avoided The Spoon at all costs. Lucky for me, Buffy was willing to order the baby taters to-go which is, like, the nicest gesture ever. She knows I can’t live without my taters, everyone who knows me well is aware of that.

And then there’s TJ. I still haven’t told him what really happened but he’s been so sweet and caring. He’s gone out of his way to make me feel better, I love the random memes he sends. And I must say, he’s got a really good collection. I’m quite impressed.

Jonah’s also been pretty supportive. We’ve been going over lines, which has been a welcome distraction, as we’re getting near Opening Night. I think that’s been driving us to get along better, we’re all equally nervous (ok, everyone minus Amber, that girl was born with confidence). We’ve been having dress rehearsals and I gotta say, I pull off the greaser look better than I thought (I may have added some eyeliner to my look. I’m really loving how it makes my eyes pop!)

I still can’t believe it’s December already. Junior year is going by so fast. It’s been a roller coaster of a semester so far. I hope things will calm down after Winter Break. But, I’m not getting my hopes up.

Jonah sends me a text asking if we can go over lines. I reply saying that I’ll be at the Cafe in about 5 minutes. He then tells me that he wants to meet-up in the Theater which kinda throws me off. The Cafe has been our designated hang out for the past week. Regardless, I walk over to where he is. There’s no one else around and I see him sitting at the piano playing some notes on it.

“Hey! JB! Hope I’m not interrupting.” I look up at him from the stage.

Jonah smiles, “Nope, just messing with the keys. Come up here, I wanna play you something.” He moves aside so I sit next to him on the piano bench.

“Um, okay.”

_This is different._

Jonah cracks his knuckles and positions his fingers over the keys, “What would you like me to play? I’m taking requests.”

“I thought we were going over lines?”

“Ok, I confess, I just wanted to spend time with you.” He admits.

_Zoo-wee-mama that’s very different._

“That’s, uh, sweet. You could’ve just asked you know?” I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Yeah, I know.” He rests his hands by his side and one of them is very close to mine. “I just get kinda nervous around you.”

_Now’s the part where my alarm clock goes off. _

Jonah turns his body ever so slightly to face me and it sort of feels like he’s going to kiss me. But who am I kidding?

“Cyrus, there’s, um, something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” He continues.

“What is it? Is everything alright? Things aren’t bad at home again?” I probably shouldn’t be asking so many questions all at once but I seriously can’t help myself. Especially when it comes to Jonah Beck.

“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s me.”

“Ok. I’m listening.”

Jonah folds his hands together and taps the tips of his shoes. I can tell he’s pretty nervous ‘cause he tends to bite his lower lip when he is. Just something I’ve noticed over time.

He chuckles nervously, “How do I put this? I discovered something about myself about a year ago, maybe a bit longer than that… I don’t know.”

I place my hand on his, “Whatever it is, you’ll get through it and I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

Jonah looks down at my hand, “I like this. It feels nice.”

“My sweaty hand on yours?” I joke nervously.

He laughs, “Yeah, I do and I didn’t think I’d ever enjoy that kind of affection from another guy... but I do.”

_Oh my latte! Is Jonah saying what I think he’s saying? Ok, Cyrus, time to wake up now!_

“Are you saying that you like guys?” I ask.

“I do. But I still really like girls too. I, um, like both.” Jonah turns his face away from me. “It’s kinda embarrassing. I dunno why.”

“You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of! Who wouldn’t like you? You’re Jonah Beck!”

“I’m really not that great, Cyrus. I haven’t been in a relationship since Andi. I’m not the same guy I used to be and I feel so lost.”

“Jonah, you’re still the same disc-throwing, music playing, dimply guy.” I give him a pat on the back.

He clears his throat, “So, uh, what’s a song you really like?”

“Oh, right! I forgot. I like so many but I’ve had ‘City of Stars’ on repeat the past month. Now that’s embarrassing!”

“I think I can play that. But I can’t promise I’ll sing like Ryan Gosling.”

“That’s totally ok with me. Just be you.” I give him an encouraging smile.

He repositions himself to play and his hands glide over the keys, it’s sorta hypnotic to watch him play the piano. He hits every note correctly and his voice is a nice blend of boy-ish charm. I start singing along with him and it becomes sort of a duet and our voices compliment each other quite well. It’s almost too surreal to believe. 

Jonah Beck playing a song for me? I could faint!

Once he hits that final key, I stand up from the bench and clap. “Bravo! That was beautiful!”

Jonah does a little bow in his seat, “Thanks, but I think I’m better with a guitar.”

Talented and modest.

We sit there in awkward silence for what feels like an eternity.

I decide to break the ice, “For the record, I kinda understand what you’re going through.”

Jonah’s eyes widen, “You like guys too?”

“I only like guys. Just to be clear.”

“Whoa. I don’t know what to say. I mean, it’s a nice surprise.”

_If he thinks that’s breaking news wait till he finds out I’ve been crushing on him for the last 4 years. It’ll make his brain melt. Good Lord, he is the most oblivious person I’ve ever met! Period._

“Thanks for telling me. You totally didn’t have to.” Jonah says.

“It’s no problem. But I do ask that you don’t tell anyone else. I’m not exactly ‘out of the closet’ yet.” I explain to him.

“No worries, dude! Your secret’s safe with me. I hope you’ll keep mine on the DL too.”

“Of course.”

“Docious! So, uh, do you wanna go out sometime?” He asks.

“To run lines?”

“Uh, nope. I mean like out-on-a-date-type-of-thing.”

_Logic is telling me to run away, far away because I’m still not completely recovered from my previous romantic conquest. On the other hand, my heart is telling me: DON’T BE A KNUCKLEHEAD!!! My head hurts._

Without realizing it, I place my hand over my forehead.

“So, is that a no? Is that a facepalm? I’m confused.”

“I’m sorry, I was hit with a sudden headache. Um, sure, let’s do something. What did you have in mind?”

Jonah bits his lip again, “I’ll have to get back to you on that. I haven’t been on a date in a while. Can I text you?”

“Yes, that’s fine. No pressure!”

Jonah gives me a hug, “That’s why you’re the best Cy-Guy!”

_Ahh the “best”, my favorite word. Yippee. But it does sound cute coming from his mouth. His hugs are so cuddly and warm, he's like a teddy bear._

He continued playing random songs and notes on the piano until it started to get late and I had to head back home. 

After dinner, I check my emails and see that I got a new message from Green (and I’m hit with a twang of guilt). I open it and I see there are two audio attachments. I click on the first one and it sounds like “Winter Wonderland” being played on a piano. It’s completely instrumental and so lovely, definitely very fitting for the month we’re in. After that audio was finished, I clicked on the other one. I actually felt myself getting choked up when I recognized the tune he was playing. 

It’s “Light One Candle” by Peter, Paul, and Mary, a Hanukkah song that sadly doesn’t get nearly as much airplay during this time of year. I swear people think the only Hanukkah songs that exist are the ones by Adam Sandler.

I said yes to a date with Jonah Beck and then Green goes and does something like this. I definitely feel like a cheater right now. Like, no one, and I mean no one, can compare to Green. He’s the best kind of boy out there, sometimes I wonder if he’s even real. He’s just… amazing. But being in love with someone I’ve never met is really, really, really hard. As I’ve said before, he deserves so much better than me.

I know I promised Green that I would happily wait for him but I’ll be honest: I’m starting to lose hope he’ll ever reveal himself to me. Is it bad that I want to know what it’s like to be loved off screen? I don’t know how much longer I can wait.

_I just want to know who you are! Is that really so much to ask? I’m tired of guessing, I’m clearly really bad at it. I should never be a detective when I grow up even though I look adorable in fedoras. I’ve been told I'm very “fedorable”._

**FROM:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com 

**TO:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**DATE:** December 9 at 5:45 PM

**SUBJECT:** Holiday Daze

Hello,

First things first, thank you so much for the audio clips! They were so beautiful <3 If I had half of your talent I would send you something too but I’m musically imparied :(((

I’m glad you enjoyed the food pics, photography’s kind of a passion of mine as well as bird watching. My step-dad kept telling me to put my phone away so Mom wouldn’t throw a fit, but I did my best to take them when no one was watching.

My life is crumbly for different reasons, I don’t want this email to turn into a therapy session 😓 But things between my friends haven’t been great, my extracurricular activities have been keeping me on my toes (i have so many stress pimples 😭 it’s terrible), and it’s hard having feelings for someone I’ve never met.

Oh that’s cool you play sports. Well, it is pretty unfair how privileged jocks are but I don’t hate them. I can only imagine how much stress you have to deal with.

I’d say about 5-10 people came over, all family of course, and I'm used to my parents waking me up at ungodly hours :/

My Aunt Ruthie is always “such a joy” every time she visits, she always asks me when I’m gonna get a girlfriend. I will say this for her though, she makes a really mean kugel.

Anyway, how do you plan on giving me this secret Christmas gift? I’m curious.

I’m super duper proud of you for coming out <3

Oh my goodness! That’s hilarious! xD I need to meet your dad someday, he seems like a very unique individual. Actually, I’d like to meet the whole Green clan. “Disdam” is my new favorite word lol!

I think all parents are from another planet. I’d like to explore this theory someday.

Take Care,

MuffinBoy

I’m hanging around Andi’s locker while she’s clearing out her backpack. Buffy and Marty are nearby and they seem engaged in a deep conversation. I shouldn't eavesdrop but this is me we’re talking about and certain words are being thrown around.

“I don’t know how you want me to answer that. It’s not something I think about regularly, Buffy.”

“It’s important, Marty. I need to know that you will be supportive no matter what.”

“Why are you worrying about this sort of thing? Are you dealing with this? Is it anyone we know?”

“I can’t tell you that.”

“Buffy, don’t scare me like that. I just got you back, I don’t want to lose you again. I don’t want to have to sprain my other ankle.”

“Just forget I even brought it up. I’m probably just overreacting as usual.”

“Yeah, Dris, you really gotta take a chill pill. But that’s what I’m here for.” 

They hold hands and walk down the hall together and greet both of us. I give Buffy a worried expression but she ignores it. 

_I really hope she wasn’t talking about certain private things about me with Marty. She pinky swore!_

“So, what were you two going on about?” Andi asks, curiosity getting the better of her.

“Buffy was asking me about ga-” Marty’s cut off by Buffy putting her hand over his mouth.

“Marty was trying to say something, let’s not interrupt him.” I press on.

_I’m not letting her off the hook that easily._

“Umm, Buffy was asking me about stargazing. She wants to do that sometime.”

“Funny, it sounded like you were going to say something completely different. Perhaps something about, I don't know, rainbows?”

Marty does a gulping sound, “Yeah, nope, not thinking about that at all. Why? Seen any good ones today?”

If I wasn’t so upset, I’d be laughing hysterically by now. Instead, my mouth does an awkward twitch.

“Well, I should get going, y’know class and stuff.” He quickly limps away from us.

I give Buffy a stern look and she mouths what looks like a “Sorry.” But I’m not sure.

I was going to walk Andi to class but in my anger I stormed away from them instead.

During lunch, Buffy meets me before Andi and Marty join us, “Cyrus, I know you’re mad but I promise I didn’t say anything about you.”

I pretend to answer my phone, “Hello, is this Betrayal calling? I’ll go find Backstabber for you.” I then pretend to hang up.

Buffy frowns, “Cyrus, I didn’t betray you. I just wanted to know if Marty would be supportive if any of his friends turned out to be gay.” She whispers that last word.

“Why on earth would you do that?” I whisper-shout at her.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just being overly protective.”

“As admirable as that is, I will tell Marty when I’m good and ready. And no, that was not a pun.”

“Well, you’re definitely good.”

“Thank you, and I appreciate you being protective of me. But let me cross that bridge when I get there. If he can accept me, great, if not I’ll deal with it then. I don’t need him asking me a million questions now.”

Andi and Marty catch up with us and we’re having lunch.

“Marty, I’m curious, what’s going on with TJ? He still hasn’t forgiven you after that viral performance?” Andi asks, munching on a salad.

“Honestly? I don’t know. He said things were cool with us but I haven’t even gotten a chance to just hang with him. Can’t even get near him these past few weeks. That Kira has been sticking to him like glue a lot more than usual.”

I nearly choke on my chocolate milk, “Kira? I didn’t know she and TJ were still... friends?”

“Something seems off about that to me.” Buffy chimes in, “He doesn’t even seem to be comfortable around her. Then again, who would be around her and her ego?”

Like a complete moron, I search the cafeteria for any sign of TJ. And, well, he’s having lunch with Kira and they’re laughing and stuff. I guess I should be happy he’s got another friend but I never liked her to begin with. She was always so rude even back in Jefferson, she was especially hostile towards Buffy and me to a certain extent. To this day, I have no idea what I ever did to her.

“I dunno, they look kinda cozy to me. Still didn’t think TJ liked her that much as to let her control everything he does. She won’t even let him hang out with the basketball team without her, let alone me. What happened to bros before ho-…” Buffy gives Marty the scary eyes before he can finish that sentence “...non-bros.”

_Smooth save, Marty._

We collectively go silent at the mere thought of Kira having any connection to us and worried for TJ’s well being. But, I guess, none of us really know him well enough to do anything about it.

If I was TJ’s best friend I’d try to be extra supportive and persuade him to not hang out with someone like Kira. Even if it meant getting into some kind of argument, that’s just how much I care. It’s totally sad, I know. I doubt TJ cares about who I hang with let alone my “well-being”. I’m just a footnote in his life.

Not even Jonah flirting with me could cheer me up.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? My dream of going out with a boy I’ve been crushing on is coming true and all I can think about is another boy? Good grief, I need help!

As the day went on, my worries for TJ grew exponentially. For starters, he won’t even make eye contact with me. Secondly, I tried waving at him (overly enthusiastic of course) and it’s like I wasn’t even there. And, thirdly, I sent him a meme via text and he didn’t even read it! I haven’t known him long but I do know he can’t resist a good meme. Marty’s confirmed this too. 

It’s like Kira’s got him under some protective bubble that no outsider can get through. He looks pretty miserable too and it breaks my heart. I honestly don’t know what else to do, wherever he goes she goes. And she made it perfectly clear at Marty’s party that she doesn’t want me anywhere near him. 

Nonetheless, it’s Friday night and I have a date to worry about now. I think I’ve changed my outfit, I don’t know, like 5 times already. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jonah is dressed in his school clothes ‘cause he’s the kind of boy who would. Still, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he’ll clean up a little.

My parents don’t know I’m going out on a date (and neither do Jonah’s). They think I’m hanging out with a friend, which isn’t entirely false.

_I should probably hold off on the cologne. It might be a dead giveaway._

I finish my look with a little gel and check the time. Jonah said he’d be arriving at 7:00. 

_It’s 7:01, should I be worried? OMG, he forgot! I should’ve known he would._

My phone buzzes and it’s Jonah:

** _Hey gorg! I’m running a bit late. Sorry!_ **

**Oh, thanks for letting me know! I wasn’t freaking out at all :p**

** _Sure, you weren’t ;p_ **

**Stop, ur making me blush!**

** _Gewd xD_ **

I’m sitting in the living room, still waiting for him. I hope he knows I’m staying at my dad’s this week. I look at the time again, he’s officially 35 minutes late.

**Jonah, r u dead?**

** _WHAT? No! I’m almost there! I just had 2 get something at the store. I’m literally running to ur house. Look for the crazy guy._ **

**Ok. I’ll be on the lookout for a crazy dimply boy.**

**⊂(◉‿◉)つ**

**That is so cute**

I finally hear the doorbell ring and I rush to the door. Lo and behold, Jonah’s out of breath holding what looks like a box of chocolates.

Panting between each word, he says, “I picked up some candy for you Cy-Guy. Hope ya don’t mind.” 

My dad shows up and sees an exasperated Jonah.

“Jonah! Do you need me to get you a glass of water? Were you having a panic attack?” He says.

“No! I was just running, like, really fast. I’m fine!” Jonah says.

“Are you sure?” Dad continues.

“Dad, I’ll take care of him.” I say and then wrap an arm around Jonah.

As we leave the house, he hands me the chocolates and, of course, I have to indulge my sweet tooth. When I open the box though I see it’s halfway empty.

He notices the look of utter disappointment on my face, “I ate a few on the way here. I didn’t have time to eat a snack before I left. Sorry!”

“Did you at least leave a few chocolate-covered raspberry ones?” I ask.

“No, sorry, again. But I did leave some of the cherry ones. You like those right?”

_Yeah if I enjoy aggravating my cherry allergy. I just love going into anaphylactic shock on the first date. It’s so romantic._

“You know what? I think I’ll save the rest for later. I don’t want to spoil my dinner you know?” I go back inside the house to leave the box of chocolates in the kitchen.

“So, for our date did you wanna go to Adrenaline City?” Jonah asks, looking like he’s trying to think of activities at the spur of the moment.

I roll my eyes a little,_ like seriously?_

“I’m not really an ‘Adrenaline City’ kind of guy. Besides I’m pretty hungry.” 

I was gonna ask if he wants to go to The Spoon, but considering who I’m trying not to run into I veto that idea. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Well, I haven’t had pizza in a while.” Jonah says with a shrug.

“Perfect! Let’s go to Tony’s.” I say excitedly, maybe this date can turn around yet.

“Great, Cy-Guy! I’ll race ya.” And just like that, Jonah is sprinting way ahead of me. I try to catch up but… yeah that’s not gonna happen. I end up tripping and lose my shoe.

And as if this night couldn’t get any worse, as I’m about to retrieve my shoe, a dog that came from out of nowhere TOOK. MY. SHOE! And it wasn’t just any old shoe, it’s a $60 suede loafer that I got for my birthday! The nerve!

Humiliated and shoe-less, I catch up with Jonah who’s waiting at the entrance.

“Hey, slow-poke! Couldn’t keep up huh?”

I flash him a very sarcastic smile.

“What’s with the long face?” He says.

“Oh nothing. Just a random dog stole my shoe.”

Jonah laughs, “Dude! You’re so funny!”

“I’m being serious, Jonah.” I say, pointing at my shoe-less foot.

He looks down and his cheeks get red, “I’m really sorry. Do you wanna wear my shoe?”

“Thanks, but it’ll clash with my ensemble. Let’s just go inside.” I stand aside thinking he would open the door for me, but he surprises me yet again.

The glass door hits my nose and I let out an anguished squeal.

“I’m-”

I raise my hand while the other one pinches my nose, “Don’t say anything.”

Jonah tries to make up for it by pulling out the chair for me but he gets distracted and I fall on my butt.

_Errrrhhhh! Can this night get any worse! What could have possibly distracted him?_

We both take our seats and a tall red-haired waitress greets us.

_Nevermind. The evidence is clear. And I’m supposed to be HIS date._

“Hello, my name is Jolene and I’ll be your waitress. How are you handsome gentlemen doing this evening?” She says, eyes locked on Jonah and ignoring me completely. 

_She’s lucky I don’t have my Welp! app on, otherwise she’d get a zero star rating for stealing my date._

I clear my throat rather obnoxiously, which helps Jonah snap out of his trance and orders us some water.

“Two waters coming up! And I’ll give you some time to look over the menu.” She finishes with a wink and walks away.

“Oh man, so much to pick from! I think I might end up ordering the whole menu!” He announces.

I pretend to laugh and then mutter to myself, “Please don’t.”

“We have history here you know?” Jonah says looking around the small pizzeria.

“We do?”

“Yeah! Don’t you remember the Space Otters awards ceremony thing?”

_Oh yes, I remember that. But for different reasons._

“That was a while ago. Mind refreshing my memory?” I say.

“Y’know you got that MVP award? That was pretty cool! Oh and I remember Andi and I kissed for the very first time. Good times.”

“Yeah, real good times.” I solemnly lean my face in my hand.

“Since then, I always tried to buy her small tokens of my affection but they totally sucked. In hindsight, I think I’ve come a long way in gift buying.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Anyway! What do you feel like eating?”

_Don’t you just love the way he switches topics with such ease? I’m speechless, truly._

“Just a pizza.” 

“Well, duh! It’s a pizzeria.” He jokes.

_Is it bad that I’m fantasizing about throwing water on him?_

The waitress delivers our waters. Jonah’s has a cute lemon wedge and mine is plain. Color me surprised. I’m even more surprised she didn’t put one of those little umbrellas in his. You know, to really drive the point home.

“So, have you two decided on your orders?”

“Yes, I’m gonna order a large pie with meatballs.” 

Not really a meatball pizza person but at least he’s ordering something we can share.

“What did you want, Cyrus?”

_Um, excuse me?_

“I thought we were going to share one?”

“I think it’s better if we each get our own. I kind of pig out when I come here.” He admits, patting his stomach for emphasis.

“Oh, right. That makes perfect sense. I guess I’ll have a plain cheese pizza with some black olives?”

“Personal size.” I add, handing her my menu.

“One large meatball and a personal with black olives.” She jots down on her notepad. “I’ll put that in for you right now.”

“Soooo, have you seen ‘Glass’?” He asks, and I’m just so confused by that question.

“What’s ‘Glass?”

“You know, the latest Shyamalan movie with Bruce Willis.” He says.

“Who!?” I have no idea who any of these people are.

“You’ve never seen Die Hard?”

“My parents would never let me watch anything with the words ‘Die’ or ‘Hard’. Let alone in the same title.”

“Wow. That bites. But c’mon you must have at least seen ‘The Sixth Sense’? That was the first time they worked together. It’s known for its twist ending.” He continues.

I appreciate him trying to make casual conversation but I’m totally clueless as to what he’s talking about. 

“Jonah, I’ve never watched anything with Bruce Willis. I’m being completely honest.”

“Dude, that’s nuts!”

“My parents are psychologists. They’re anything but ‘nuts’.”

“I keep messing up am I? Andi and I could talk about movies for hours.” 

_And now he’s back to talking about Andi. Great._

“I have to find the restroom, I’ll be right back.” I excuse myself.

I turn on the tap to splash my face and I look at my reflection sadly. I’ve dreamt of this day for years and this is nothing like any of those dreams. This is officially the worst date I’ve ever been on, which is saying something considering my only other dating experiences have been with Iris. And those experiences I can still look back on fondly. Iris was sweet, funny, intelligent and we hardly ran out of stuff to talk about.

Jonah and I are on opposite ends of the world. I’m in the North Pole and he’s in the South Pole where he watches violent movies about guys called “Bruce Willis.” Not even his attractiveness is enough to salvage this date. But despite the disappointment and sadness I’m feeling, it’s also given me the clarity I’ve wanted for years.

I go back to the table and see the food’s all set. Jonah apparently couldn’t wait to eat his pizza. I’m amazed by that considering he also had my candy earlier. For an average 16 year old boy, he sure can eat a lot.

I take out my utensils from the fabric napkin and begin eating my pizza. Jonah and I don’t talk a whole lot, or rather, Jonah says a bunch of random comments and I merely react to them. Then when he’s not talking about random stuff, he goes back to talking about Andi.

At this point, I decide to bite the bullet and ask the question I should’ve asked before we went on this date, “Just wondering, Jonah, what’s your favorite Cavetown song?”

Jonah has pizza sauce on his lips and answers with a mouth full, “What’s a Cavetown?”

“Nevermind.” I say, and reach over to wipe the sauce from his mouth with my napkin. I don’t know what compelled me to do that but he looks absolutely ridiculous. I’ve seen 5 year olds with better table manners.

“Thanks,” He says and then proceeds to wipe his mouth with his sleeve. “But seriously, I wanna know, what’s Cavetown?”

“A musician that I really like.”

“Send me some tunes. I’m always up for discovering new artists!”

“Will do.” I say sadly. God, I can feel the tears wanting to fall.

Jonah doesn’t say anything, thankfully. He does pay for the food which is the most gentlemanly thing he’s done all night. He even remembers to open the door for me as we walk out.

“Do you wanna catch a movie or something?”

“Actually, Jonah, I’d like to go home. It’s been a really long night.”

Jonah frowns, “Oh, that’s fine. Can I at least walk you home? Please?”

I give him a little smile, “Sure.”

The walk back home is quiet which I didn’t mind at all. I have nothing I want to say and I think Jonah picked up on that. He did, however, try to hold my hand and I let him but I didn't feel that same excitement I felt a few days ago. I recognize the porch light on my Dad’s house and we walk up the steps.

Jonah doesn’t let go of my hand right away, he faces me and caresses my face. I know where this is going but before his lips can reach mine I turn my face away. 

“Does my breath smell?” He says and self-consciously checks his breath right In front of me.

“Well, it does smell garlicky.” I joke and he laughs a little.

“Geez, I’m such an airhead. But, you see past it and that’s one of the many things I like about you Cy-Guy.”

“I like you too, Jonah.”

He smiles and kisses me on the cheek instead. And I feel absolutely nothing. No sparks, no fireworks, nada. I really want to crawl under my covers and have myself a good cry ‘cause this sucks so much.

“I had a really good time tonight. We should do this again.”

“Yeah. Good night, Jonah.”

“Bye gorg!”

_Somehow that word lacks the charm it had earlier._

Well, it’s official. Jonah Beck and Cyrus Goodman are not meant to be. It’s gonna take a while for that to sink in but it’s for the best. At least I don’t have to keep wondering anymore. Yay.

I try to quietly go into my room so I can avoid answering any questions Dad and Sharon might have.

_Made it to my room, they must’ve dozed off a while ago._

I grab my pajamas so I can freshen up but then I look at my phone and see a new email notification. Looks like it was from two hours ago.

**FROM:** greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO:** ccchipmuffin@gmail.com 

**DATE:** December 13 at 9:10 PM

**SUBJECT: re:** Holiday Daze

Hey,

No problemo, glad ya liked ‘em :) 

Imagining you bird-watching is low-key hilarious but cute at the same time. It made my day tbh.

Seriously, MB, if you need to vent or whatever you don’t have to worry. I’m all ears. Just let it out. Sorry about your friends, I know from experience how much it sucks to fight with them. Luckily, the one I’ve been pissed with did come around and apologize but he’s the least of my worries right now…

Just wondering. Have you ever met someone who can’t take a hint? Or someone so awful that you feel totally powerless? I’m asking for a friend, he’s in a tough situation currently and I have no idea what to do.

Anyway, I can only apologize so many times for keeping you hanging like that. Thank you for being so patient with me. I promise once I get my shit together I’ll tell you who I am, it’s just that now’s not a good time. I really hope you understand that.

Trust me, you don’t want to meet my family. They’re the biggest weirdos on the planet, possibly this galaxy even. Dad’s the weirdest of them all.

As for your X-mas gift, I’m still trying to figure out how I’m gonna do that. I’ll find a way.

P.S. I outta get a dollar for every single time a relative asks “When are you gonna get a girlfriend?” I’d be a fairly rich boy right now. But sadly, I’m still broke AF. Being a kid sucks sometimes.

Love,

Green

If my guilt were a ditch, I’d be 50 feet below. This hurts so much. I feel like a terrible person. 

It makes me wonder if I should even be in a relationship? Maybe I’m too immature to handle one. And I don’t ever want to be chasing after other people while being in a committed relationship with someone. I mean, look at my parents. I definitely don’t want to go through what they did.

_Why is love so complicated? And why do we all want it so bad?_

I barely got any sleep that night. I couldn’t stop thinking about my dream date being a total disaster, TJ being distant, and Green’s email. I’m so relieved tomorrow is Saturday because I’m definitely sleeping in. 

After waking up late, I see that I have a few texts, a couple from Andi and Buffy, but mostly from Jonah. I guess I better call him and set the record straight (or whatever the equivalent would be for this situation).

**Jonah, can you meet me at the PSC? We need to talk.**

** _Can’t get enough of me eh? ;D I’ll be there b4 u know it!_ **

**Jonah, I’m being serious.**

** _I’m being serious too gorg ;))_ **

**Jonah! 🙄**

I don’t know if Jonah acting this way will make it easier to break the news to him or harder. Either way it’s not helping.

_Why are boys so dumb? Why am I dumb enough to be attracted to them?_

I get dressed and head downstairs, “Dad, Sharon, I’ll be back later. I’m going to the cafe.”

“Let me grab my coat, Cyrus, I’ll drive you there.” Sharon offers.

As much as I appreciate the offer, I don’t know if I should have any of my parents waiting for me.

“This is gonna take a while, Sharon. I don’t want to take up your time.”

“I can just drop you off and pick you up when you’re done?”

“No, really. I can walk or take my bike.” I insist.

“Oh, okay. Just make sure you’re bundled well. Heard it’s gonna get pretty gusty today.” Sharon says meekly. I feel bad, she was trying to do something nice for me.

I say bye to both of them, give Sharon a kiss on the cheek hoping it cheers her up.

As suggested, I bundle up with a pair of gloves, a scarf, and one of those hats with the little pom-pom on top. I don’t really feel like taking my bike out of the garage so I walk on the lightly snowy sidewalk. 

Jonah is actually there first, which I wasn’t expecting. His jacket is draped over his chair and it looks like he’s having a hot chocolate. Iris greets me as usual and asks if I want my pumpkin spice fix but I tell her to hold off on it. I’m not feeling worthy enough of a pumpkin spice. I take a seat on the chair opposite of Jonah.

“Hey! You’re looking really wintry today. I like the pom-pom.” Jonah reaches to dangle it and I get mildly embarrassed. 

“Thanks, JB. You look wintry too.” I compliment back.

_Is “wintry” even a word? Probably not._

“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” He innocently asks with a cheesy smile.

“It’s about our date last night and the texts you sent me. I don’t even know how to say this.”

Jonah suddenly starts searching his pockets, “Wait, hold that thought!” I just look at him bemused while he frantically looks for something, “I got you a little present.”

He then pulls out a piece of fabric and hands it to me. Again, I look at him completely confused.

“You got me a piece of cloth?”

“No silly! It’s what’s in the cloth.”

I unwrap the fabric to find a guitar pick with initials engraved on the front and back.

“I know you don’t play any instruments but I thought it might, I dunno, make you think of me? Like you could wear it around your neck or as a bracelet or anything really. Like you can carry a piece of me with you wherever you go.”

“Okay, but what do the initials C.M. stand for?”

Jonah’s eyes widen, “C.M.? Dammit! I told them ‘C.G.’! I’m so, so, sorry! I can have it fixed.”

“Jonah, it’s ok. I don’t think I’m gonna want it after I tell you what I’m gonna say.”

“Cyrus, you’re scaring me. You don’t like the gift?”

“It’s not the gift. It’s you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t like me?” He pouts.

“I do like you but as a friend. I realized that last night. I’m really sorry.”

“Was it something I did? Or said? I know I can be kinda dumb. But I’m trying to improve. Cyrus, I don’t understand. I thought we had a good time last night?” He says frantically.

“You had a good time. I didn’t.”

“You didn’t? What did I do wrong?”

“Jonah, you didn’t think we were lacking something last night?”

“Your shoe?”

I give him a “really, dude, really” look and cross my arms.

“Sorry. Dumb joke.”

“Jonah, what did we talk about? I mean, actually talk about. What did we connect on?”

He taps his fingers on the table, desperately trying to think of something. “Um, food? Movies?”

“How did we talk deeply about either of those things?”

“Um, we talked about our time in Jefferson. That was pretty deep.” He sheepishly replies.

“And who did you talk about the most when you were talking about that time?” I question him.

“Seriously, Jonah? You can’t be this oblivious!” I say a little too loudly and the patrons look at me.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Cyrus.”

I dramatically bang my head on the small table and then say, “Andi! You kept bringing her up a lot. How do you think that made me feel? And then you kept getting distracted by our waitress too.”

Jonah has a lost-puppy-dog look that I’m trying hard not to fall for. But it does seem like he’s giving some thought to what I’m saying and comes to some sort of realization.

“I did bring her up a lot huh?” He says finally. “I-I didn’t even realize… it’s so weird. I thought I was over her but I guess I’m not.”

“And this guitar pick, are you positive that you told the engraver ‘C.G.’?”

He leans back in his seat and takes a big sip of his drink, “No, I didn’t, now that I look back on it.” I hand the guitar pick back to him.

“Jonah, I still very much wanna keep hanging out with you. As a couple, though, that’s out of the question. You clearly have your heart set on someone else and it’s not me.” 

“I’m sure you’re getting sick of hearing this from me... But, I truly am, from the bottom of my heart, sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. Because I will always forgive you, one way or another.”

Jonah sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, “I blew it with Andi and now I blew things with you. I really can’t do anything right.”

I hold his hand, “You’ve got a lot to work on. We all do. Please don’t beat yourself up too much, ok? I don’t want you to suffer over one bad date. We will always be friends, you can count on that.”

He holds my other hand, “You really are the best, Cyrus. I mean that.”

I smile at that, “Thanks. And to tell you something, I think you can still make things work with her.”

He lets go of my hands, “Yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Andi made it clear she doesn’t like me that way anymore. I doubt she will now.”

“She told me otherwise, I don’t know if I should say this but the night of Marty’s party, she told me she still has feelings for you.”

“Are you sure? You’re not making this up? I don’t think I can handle any more disappointment.”

“I’m positive.”

Little did I know those words would come back to haunt me. Yike-a-saurus.


	15. Hazy Shade of Winter Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took quite a long time to finish, hopefully (if any of you are still reading this story) enjoy it. Please leave a comment with your thoughts, some feedback would be greatly appreciated.
> 
> -BM

> **December 20 at 9:20 pm**
> 
> (Notification: new message in chat)
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **Green!!!
> 
> **Green: **Hey, MB, was hoping to catch you tonight.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** why does the school always feel the need to cram us with extra work before Winter Break???
> 
> **Green: **something for us to remember them by?
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **;P
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **I feel bad for not responding to your last email.
> 
> **Green: **Don’t, I can’t think of anyone that would’ve been able to take time for themselves this week.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** speaking of people taking time for themselves, how’s your friend’s situation?
> 
> **Green: **What friend?
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **the one you told me was in a tough situation, dealing with someone that can’t take a hint.
> 
> **Green: **I probably shouldn’t have brought that up. You can ignore that.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** no, tell me. Maybe I can help.
> 
> **Green:** It’s fine. You probably get enough people bothering you asking for advice. My friend and I can handle this.
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **Yes, my friends have been coming to me for help as far back as I can remember. A perk of having therapist parents I suppose. If you do need any help though, i’m happy to oblige.
> 
> **Green: **Thnx, MB. I do have to go to bed in a lil bit but just wanted to let you know that my folks and I are heading outta town during winter break so I might not be able to reach you.
> 
> **MuffinBoy: **Okay, i’m gonna miss you. Hope you guys have a wonderful holiday.
> 
> **Green: **I’m gonna miss you too. Have a wonderful holiday too, Happy Hanukkah!  
  

> 
> _ Green and MuffinBoy sign out _

It’s the morning of Dec. 25 and I just told mom I was going to drop off my friends’ gifts. Fortunately, she gave me plenty of time to do this today so I can actually hang out with each one for a bit without feeling rushed. I head out, wearing a blue santa hat with a glittery menorah on the front, carrying an oversized backpack full of presents while holding a peppermint mocha ala the Pumpkin Spice Cafe. Disastrous week and date aside, I’d say I’m feeling fairly jolly today.

First stop of the day is Marty’s house, I arrive at his neighborhood with a lot of duplexes and find the one Marty’s Aunt and Uncle reside in. I knock on the door and Marty answers, he’s wearing a vintage Star Wars tee and Rainbow Dash lounge pants.

“Hey Cy! How’s it going? Feliz, uh, what’s the word? Um, Holidays!” Marty greets me and I can’t help but laugh a little at his enthusiasm. Winter Break definitely puts him in a good mood.

“Happy Holidays to you too, Marty. I come bearing gifts!” I say as I slip the backpack off my shoulders.

“Yeah, Dude! Come inside, I gotta get your gift too.” I make myself comfortable on the recliner in his living room while he grabs something from under the tree.

He hands me a pretty gift bag with some ribbons tied around the handles. I look inside and... “Cool socks, Marty.”

“I hope you like the design, I had the most difficult time deciding on which ones to get you.” Marty says. I look down at the pair of socks that have pineapples and frogs on them.

“I like ‘em, they’re...very...cute.” I say holding up both pairs of fuzzy socks with the biggest forced grin. The kind that makes your jaw hurt.

“I know you like soft things and these socks are extra fuzzy. Kinda like you!” He taps my nose.

_ Why do I feel so called out? Rude. _

I then present my gift to him which is a framed satin paper poster of Stan Lee, “I got this on sale at a flea market, thought you would like this.”

Marty yanks it from my hands and does a jump, “Dude! I could kiss you right now!” Luckily, he’s so excited that he doesn’t even realize that I’m in tomato mode. He does pulls me in a strong hug, I can feel his heart beating on my chest.

“I love this so much! You da man!” He says with a huge smile, but then that smile drops, “Oh man! Why'd you have to get me something so nice? All I got you were dumb socks.” 

“Didn’t I mention how much I love them? I can put them on now?” I say although I really don’t wanna do that.

Marty pouts, “Nah, bro. You deserve so much better. Even my gift for TJ is pretty freaking nice compared to yours.”

“Just out of curiosity, what did you get TJ?”

“I got him a t-shirt. I got it on clearance!”

_ Suddenly, my pity shifts from me towards TJ. I’m scared to know what he bought for Buffy. Maybe I should investigate on her behalf? _

“Since we’re exchanging gifts and all, maybe I could take a peek at what you’re giving the others?” I ask as innocently as possible.

Marty looks at me suspiciously, “Bro, you trying to steal my ideas? Tsk, tsk!” He even wags his finger.

_ Good god, he’s a living meme. _

“Me? Steal ideas? Tish-tosh! I buy my gifts in advance so I can avoid any last minute trips to the mall.”

Marty strokes his non-existent beard, “Hmm, fine. I’ll let you take a peak. But you can’t tell!”

Before I say anything, I cross my fingers behind my back, “I promise!”

“I always can trust ya!”

_ Marty, don’t you dare make me feel guilty! I’m doing this for Buffy and your relationship. You’ll thank me later. _

Marty grabs yet another present from under the silver tree and he opens the lid of the box, “Aren’t these dope or what? I spent most of my allowance on it!”

I peak inside and I’m pleasantly surprised to see that it’s… wait for it, a good gift!

_ I’m so proud I could cry. It makes my present and TJ’s all the more worth it knowing what he put his money and effort into. _

He puts Buffy’s present back under the tree and then takes a seat on the couch. “I still feel bad about what I got you, Teej, and Andi. It’s just that money’s kinda tight around here and after the last few months with Buffy I knew I had to make it up to her. I think I’m in love, dude. Like, for real.”

I take a seat next him, “Don’t be sorry. We understand and I’m glad you want to fix things with Buffy and make her happy. But all she really wants is for you to be yourself and stop trying so hard.” 

_ Hopefully Buffy won’t mind that I mention this to him but it needed to be said. _

“Really? She said that?” He says.

I nod my head.

“She misses the goofy guy who eats live frogs.”

Marty laughs, “She doesn’t actually believe I did that right?”

“This is Buffy we’re talking about. Nothing gets past her.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Even TJ has told me to stop ‘faking’ whatever that means. Like he’s literally told me in his words ‘stop faking you butt-head!’”

“TJ says ‘butt-head’?”

“I’ve heard him say worse things but yeah he be cringey like that.”

_ I’m starting to think I should’ve gotten Marty a kettle just so I can walk up to him and say “Pot meet kettle!” _

“Oh and don’t get me started on his voice acting. Dude just loves to talk in different accents and impersonate fictional characters. You should hear his Shrek voice, it’s the stuff of legend, man.”

We talk for a little longer until I look at my watch and realize I still have other people to give gifts to, “I’m sorry, Marty, but I have to get going.”

“Why? We were having a genuine bro-bonding moment.” Marty pouts.

“I still have other houses to stop by. Cyrus Claus has to make his rounds in one night..er..day.”

“Aight, smell ya later Mr. Goodman-Claus!” He snaps and finger guns.

I snap and finger-gun back and then head out to Buffy’s house.

_ I definitely need a lot more peppermint mocha. Hope the Cafe’s still open. _

After I make one more stop at the Cafe, which fortunately was open for an extra 30 minutes, I now have a backup cup of peppermint mocha plus one for Buffy.

I get to Buffy’s house and knock on the door, and I’m greeted by Mrs. Driscoll or Pat as I call her.

“Hello, Cyrus. Happy Hanukkah to you!” She greets me.

“Hi Pat! Merry Christmas to you! You know why I’m here.”

Pat chuckles, “I’ll call her down now. Buffy! Cyrus is here!” Buffy rushes down the stairs, “Young lady, what have I told you about running down the stairs like that? You don’t wanna spend the rest of your winter break in a leg cast.”

“Sorry, Mom. Hey, Cyrus. Love the hat.” She plays with my hat for a bit and then I hand her the hot drink.

“Shoot, wait down here. I still have your gift in my room.” She rushes back downstairs with a shiny blue box with a silver bow.

We exchange our gifts, Buffy opens hers first, “Season 6 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer! I’ve been wanting this season! Now I can watch ‘Once More With Feeling’ as much as I want! Thank you, Cyrus.” She leans in and hugs me, she gives the warmest hugs, or maybe that’s her red flannel.

“Yay! We definitely need to have a ‘Buffy’ marathon! I dropped off Marty’s gift not too long ago.”

“Did he like it?”

“He loved it. I mean the guy did say he wanted to kiss me.” I joke while feeling like I’m gonna blush again.

“Yeah, that sounds a lot like him. He’s always been overly affectionate like that. Just remember, I saw him first!” She teases.

“Marty’s so not my type!” I say back.

“Oh, that’s right. I forgot. Your type are whiny musicians and jocks.”

I pretend that I got stabbed in the heart, “Et tu Buffy? Et tu!” 

_ First I get called out by Marty From The Party of all people and now Buffy? Does the humiliation train ever end? _

“You know I’m right.” She crosses her arms and smirks. I blow raspberries at her.

She then hands me my gift, I open it and it’s a leather notebook with “Future Bestseller” on the front cover and it even comes with its own pen and a tiny table to write on. Some stickers fall out of the box and I pick them up. They’re adorable rainbow stickers and even some with pom poms that say “You’re #1”.

“I remember that screenplay you wrote back in seventh grade and I wanted to get you something special for your next big screenplay.”

“Buffy, you shouldn’t have. That screenplay was no good, why should I even bother?” I say looking at her gift sadly.

“Don’t give up, Cyrus, keep working on it. The more you do, the better you get.” Buffy says, putting an arm around me.

“You really think I have what it takes?” I look up at her.

“Absolutely, just keep at it.” We lean our heads against each other. 

“Well, I got two more places to go. Next stop, Jonah’s.” I stand up and reach for my backpack.

“I still can’t believe you got him a gift after that disaster of a date you told me about.” She rolls her eyes.

“Hey, he’s still my friend. Besides, it’s the least I can do since turning him down.” I explain to her.

Buffy softens a bit, “I understand, it’s not up for me to decide who you choose to be friends with.”

Before I approach the door, Buffy calls my attention one more time, “Cyrus, just out of curiosity, do you happen to know what Marty got me?”

I shake my head at her, “I do. But I’m not gonna say anything. Just know that you’ll be pleasantly surprised.” I reassure her and then we say our goodbyes.

“Enjoy the rest of Hanukkah, Cyrus. Remember Andi’s New Years’ Eve party next week!”

I’m already back on the sidewalk when I turn around and shout back at her, “I always do! See you then!”

I walk for quite a while until I see the apartment that Jonah lives in, I approach it and press the button next to “The Becks” name.

“Who is it?” A woman’s voice asks through the speaker.

I press the button again to answer, “Hi, Judy, it’s Cyrus. I came to drop off Jonah’s gift.”

“Hi, Cyrus, I’ll let you in right now.” The door to apartment ‘2B’ opens and I enter.

I knock on the door and Jonah’s mother, Judy, answers it. “Cyrus! It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.” She greets me with a smile after letting me in.

“It has been a while. How’ve you been, Judy?”

Judy seems to contemplate how to answer this, “I’ve-things have been alright.” She chuckles, “Though, I can’t seem to get my son out of his room. Maybe you’ll have better luck than I have.”

She gives me a warm smile before I go to Jonah’s room. I can already tell this is going to be difficult since the door’s locked and he’s got a “Keep Out” sign.

Nevertheless, I still knock on the door a couple of times to no avail. I then shout that I have presents and that seems to get his attention and I hear him unlock the door. I take that as a sign that I can enter so I do.

Jonah’s laying on his bed, mindlessly scrolling on his phone, while a pop-punk song plays in the background. He’s making zero eye contact with me.

My eyes are drawn to a shiny, cherry-red electric guitar hooked on the wall. “That’s really cool!”

In a deadpan voice, he responds “Yep.”

I clear my throat and move a little closer to him, “So, I, uh, came all this way to bring your gift.”

He sighs, “Yeah, you can just leave it anywhere.”

I don’t want to put it on the floor so I place it on top of his messy desk. I then pull out the swivel chair and take a seat, taking a few spins in it.

“Jonah? Are you still upset with me?” I ask.

His eyes are still glued to the small screen, “Well, yeah.”

“Is it about the date? My rejecting you?”

“It’s neither of those, Cyrus.”

_ Ouch. He’s not calling me “Cy-Guy” it must be really bad. _

“Oh.”

Jonah tosses his phone aside, crosses his arms, and rests his head against the wall. “You know people give me a lot of shit for being ‘oblivious’. You’re the last person I thought would be oblivious to the things YOU say.”

“Jonah, if I did something wrong, please tell me? Because I’m genuinely confused.”

Jonah shoots an annoyed glance at me, “You know what you did.”

“No, Jonah, I don’t. I want to fix it!”

“Dude, the damage has been done. I just can’t believe you would get my hopes up like that just to stomp all over it. Was rejecting me not enough?”

“Getting your hopes up? About what? Us?”

“NO!” Jonah shouts, “Me and Andi!”

_ I knew me and my big mouth would land me in hot waters someday. I guess that moment is now. _

“What happened? Let’s try to talk about this calmly and rationally.” I say in a feeble attempt to dissuade any conflict.

Jonah scoffs, “I don’t need you to lecture me and get into ‘therapist mode’.”

“Ok, I’m sorry. Just please tell me what happened between you and Andi.”

“Well, for starters, she looked at me like I was totally crazy! And then proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t like me like that anymore. And I got friendzoned, big time! How embarrassed do you think I was?”

“Very embarrassed?” I answer sheepishly, although I'm pretty sure that was a rhetorical question.

_ Note to self: Cover my big fat mouth with duct tape. _

“That barely scratches the surface, but yeah, pretty much.”

I get up from the chair, “I-I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

Jonah turns his face away from me, “Yeah, whatever.”

My back slumps a bit as I walk out the door and, in a small voice, I say, “Merry Chrismukkah, Jonah.”

Judy sees me leaving and tries to hand me Jonah’s gift but I give her a lame excuse about Mom needing me to go home immediately. I give her a quick hug and speed-walk my way out of there.

On the way to Andi’s, which I’m seriously considering skipping, I have to catch my breath since I practically ran out of Jonah’s apartment.

Maybe I can just drop off Andi’s present at her shack, maybe Bowie came over and took everyone out for breakfast, maybe an out of nowhere blizzard will hit and that’ll keep me from going there.

_ That’s a lot of maybes... _

I see Andi’s house. Darn it. Bowie’s truck is parked, so is Cece’s car and Bex’s motorcycle.

_ Okay, Cyrus, just be very stealthy, leave the present in AndiShack and then just run home. _

I quietly walk towards the little shack, but then…

“Hey, Cyrus!” Bex shouts from the door. Curse my luck.

“H-Hi, Bex. I just came to drop off Andi’s gift and then I’ll be on my way.” I say as nonchalantly as possible, although I think I failed.

“Nah, come inside and take a load off. Andi will be thrilled to see you.” 

_ Yeah, I highly doubt that. _

“No, Bex, I really don’t wanna intrude on you guys.” I say trying my hardest to dissuade her. Unfortunately she easily guides me inside the house. I should really consider leg workouts.

“Cyrus, you can never intrude, you’re part of the family.” Yeah, one of the family, complete with being a fratricide victim in a few minutes.

We’re inside and Bowie greets me from the kitchen, “Hey, Cyrus, so good to see you here. I’m in the middle of making the Jiaozi but I think I can whip up something extra for you.”

“It really isn’t necessary, Bowie, I really just came to drop off Andi's gift. Mom’s anxious for me to get home, it seems pretty urgent.” As I stand there, I take in the beautiful decorations. The living room and dining room are decorated with paper chains, flowers, and lanterns.

“Don’t worry about it, Cy, I’ll call Dr. Goodman and let her know you’ll be staying for a bit.” Bex says confidently and I feel doom getting closer and closer.

“If you don’t mind, Rebecca, I’ll call Leslie.” Cece takes the phone from Bex’s hand.

“Why should you be the one to call her?” Bex objects.

“How should I put this delicately, Leslie Goodman knows you.” Cece “tactfully” tells Bex.

“Have I mentioned lately how warm and supportive you are, Mom? Especially during the holidays.” Bex responds sarcastically.

They’re really not making this easy, and then I’m greeted by the sound of jingle bells and jump at something rubbing against my leg.

“Cyrus, why are you so jumpy? You love it when Onyx gives you attention.” Bex says and Onyx simply meows at me. Under normal circumstances the fluffy black cat, and her little red hat, would put me at ease but right now nothing will.

She scoops up the cat and climbs up the stairs, “Andi, hurry up. Cyrus is here with your gift!”

I can hear Andi’s voice, “Good, I have a lot of things I need to say to him!” She definitely didn’t sound too chipper saying that.

“Just spoke to your mother, she didn’t say anything was urgent.” Cece tells me, “Are you alright, Cyrus?” I swear, I think she can see right through me now.

Before I can answer her question, Andi walks down the stairs dressed in red plaid jeggings and a white turtleneck tee. The look on her face alone is enough to make me feel 10 inches tall.

“Hello, Cyrus.” Her voice sounds very saccharine right now. “Let’s take this little chat to my room.”

“Um...okay.” I wonder if I can bargain with her. Spare my life and she can have my entire collection of Percy Jackson books (including the special editions).

We walk to her room and I try to make some small talk. “The house looks nice Andi, did Cece give you guys apples last night?”

“Yep.” Another _ yep _, this is bad.

“Cyrus, why did you tell Jonah I still have feelings for him?” 

_ Well, might as well get this over with. _

“You told me you were falling for him again.”

“When did I say that?”

“The night of Marty’s Halloween party.”

She just scoffs at me, “I wasn’t talking about Jonah!” Now I’m anxious and confused.

“If you weren’t talking about Jonah, then...oh my god, were you talking about Walker?” I’m sure he would love this news.

“No, Cyrus!”

“I don’t get it, who were you talking about then?” Now I’m starting to get as upset as she is.

“I was talking about you!” 

_ Wait, what, did I just hear what I think I heard? _

“Andi, I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but it sounds like you said it was me.”

“Yes, you, Cyrus. I think I realized it back in freshman year.” This is too much now, I must be in the middle of a bad dream.

“N-no, Andi. I’m sorry, I do love you but I’m not the right person for you.” Hopefully she’ll understand.

“Cyrus, I didn’t plan on this. Is there someone else?”

“Kinda.” I say quietly.

“Is it Buffy?”

“NO! No, Buffy’s like a sister to me and I would never do that to Marty.”

“Do you still have feelings for Iris? Because in case you forgot, she’s gay.”

“Funny you should mention that, she’s not the only one.” At first Andi looks as though she’s trying to piece together a puzzle she’s not understanding, but a few more seconds in and she’s coming to a realization.

“Cyrus!” She says almost in a whisper.

“Hi.” I say back to her.

“W-when did you know?”

_ Okay, this is going better than I expected. _

“Back in Jefferson.”

“Well, I’m glad that you told me. But this still doesn’t explain why you told Jonah I still had feelings for him. Even if it were true, it’s still not your place to say that to him.”

“I know and I’m really sorry.” I’m definitely learning this valuable lesson the hard way

We’re still standing in the same spots in her room and it’s getting too quiet for my liking.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything else to me, Andi?” I break the silence.

“Like what?”

“What I just told you a pretty big secret about myself. I know I messed up but a part of me was still hoping you would comfort me like Buffy did.” All of a sudden, her eyes widen.

“W-wait a minute...Buffy knows!?” I didn’t think that would be the part she would focus on.

“Yes.” I say meekly, any assurance I had is slipping away.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Um, Jonah?” Now things are starting to get worse.

“You told Buffy and Jonah!? Let me guess, you also told Marty. You told everyone else but me!” 

A part of me wants to get upset that she's making my coming out about herself, but I can’t bring myself to say anything except, “No, Marty doesn’t know.”

“Great. So at least I’m not the last person you kept out of the loop.” 

“Andi, I wasn’t trying to keep you out of anything.” I try to reason with her.

“Forget it. I can understand you being gay and not seeing me as a girlfriend, but you also clearly don’t see me as much of a friend either.”

“Andi, it’s not like tha-”

“Cyrus, can you please just leave?” She opens the door for me, her face turned away from mine.

With my head hung low, I descend the stairs and walk out the door.

“Cyrus, where are you going? Bowie’s about to serve.” Bex asks.

“He has to leave.” Andi says sternly. I hear Onyx scamper towards me and then let out a drawn out meow.

“C’mon, Onyx, let’s eat our feelings away.” I hear Andi say as she carries her and goes to the kitchen.

“I’ll see you all around.” I say quietly, heading out the door not even waiting for a response from the rest of the Mack household.

I swallow the lump in my throat. I really messed things up. I know if I just go home now my parents would want to know what happened. I just keep walking aimlessly until I find myself at the park. I go to the spot that’s always there when I’m feeling my lowest, the swings.

> **December 25 at 6:46 PM**
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Green?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** Are you there?
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I guess not.
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** You’re probably still out of town. I hope you’re having fun <3
> 
> **MuffinBoy:** I miss you a lot. It’s been a rough few days :(


	16. Old Acquaintance That Should’ve Been Forgot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about two chapters away from the end of this story. Thanks again to those who have kept with it after all this time, it means more than you could ever know :) Apologies for not being able to reply to all of your comments but just know that I greatly appreciate every single one ♡
> 
> Sincerely,  
BM

It’s been a rough past few days, Andi still won’t talk to me and it's killing me to not hear back from Green. Buffy tried consoling me during our phone calls but to no avail. Tonight’s the last night of Hanukkah and all four of my parents are gonna be under the same roof. I wish I was more excited about that but I don’t have it in me to channel any enthusiasm.

I can only imagine what presents I’m gonna get tonight. The past few days mainly left me with some new clothes and, for some strange reason, a ** _Where’s Waldo_ **book.

_ How old do they think I am? Five? _

After finishing our meal, which included some latkes and tzimmes (the latter being my fave), we start the gift exchange. I got some homemade chocolate gelt coins but then I opened Dad’s “gag” gift and honestly, it made me more annoyed than amused.

He actually gave me a handmade coupon book for one-on-one father/son therapy. I repeat. This is not a drill.

As stupid as that gift was, that’s my dad’s sense of humor for you. 

Now it's my step-dad's turn. Todd, with his perfect laser-whitened smile, hands me his gift and it’s a freaking John Green novel (no shade towards him - he’s a great author) ‘cause that’s just what I need at this moment of pure vulnerability. A hardcover reminder of what I’m not: hetero, searching for a manic pixie dream girl, or going on a fantastic journey to find the love of my life. As much as I enjoy reading his novels with a cup of cocoa on a lazy Sunday, they’re only fiction and not an accurate depiction of real life. 

Maybe I’d have found my soulmate by now if I was half as charming as Augustus Waters. I’m not even a Quentin.

But seriously, the only role I would be able to fill in a John Green novel (or any YA novel for that matter) is the token gay character or the GBF.

I just became infuriated at that point and against my better judgement, I threw the book against the wall.

“Cyrus! What’s come over you!?” Mom shouts at me.

“This is what makes you think of me? Do any of you even understand me?” I shout back.

Mom looks like she’s about to scold me but then dad cuts in, “Go on, Cyrus, elaborate what you mean by that.”

“No, Dad. If you want me to talk to you, be my dad, not my therapist! This goes for all of you too.”

“Cyrus, what is this all about?” Sharon asks.

I can feel myself just about ready to erupt. I’m nervous as heck but I can’t keep this a secret a minute longer.

_ Here goes nothing. _

I take a deep breath, a very deep one, “Guys, I’m gay!”

My parents are looking like they’re trying to figure out the right thing to say.

“Before you guys say anything, just know that I’m still me.”

“Of course you are, kiddo. Do you wanna talk more about this?” Todd asks me.

“No, if it’s alright with you all, I’m just gonna go to my room.” They don’t say anything else but allow me to head upstairs. I lock the door and just fall face first onto my bed. I should feel better but honestly I only feel drained. I open my laptop and perk up when I see that I got a new email notification.

**FROM: **greenbitterboi@gmail.com

**TO: **ccchipmuffin@gmail.com 

**DATE: **December 30 at 6:35 PM

**SUBJECT: **Ready to ring in the new year

I know I usually wait for an email response from you before I send one, but I wanted to let you know I just came back to Shadyside. I also saw your messages and they broke my heart, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you (leave it to my parents to drive through so many areas that are huge dead zones).

What happened? Does this have to do with your friends? I’m here now, open for all forms of venting.

I hope you at least got decent gifts for Hanukkah. My dad is on this kick of getting me more acquainted with different genres of music, including jazz, so he got me the album “Golden Projects” by Louis Armstrong which I actually have playing right now as I’m typing this. I must say it’s definitely the bee’s knees (I’ll see myself out for how cringey I am).

Mom made me a knit hat and scarf, at least it’s not another tie-dye shirt, lol.

The family trip was pretty uneventful, just the family’s annual drive to California. It’s really more of a way for them to “take in the scenery” and not be cooped up in the house during my break. To be frank though, being cooped up in a car ain’t exactly all that better, the house at least has my bed and considerable legroom.

If there was one thing I did enjoy, though, were the stops in which I could really appreciate the surroundings and experience nature up close. All complaining aside, those are truly the most breathtaking moments, sometimes I just need a reminder of its beauty.

I haven’t forgotten that I owe you a present, one way or another you’ll get it.

I know school’s gonna start again in a few days so if I don’t catch you before then, I wish you a Happy New Year!!!  
  


Love,

Green

It’s Dec 31st, New Years Eve, and I’m getting dressed for a party I’m not even sure I’m invited to. I’ve tried texting Andi but they’re all just left on read. Earlier today, I seriously wondered if I should even bother going but Buffy practically begged me, and she hates begging.

I’m dressed in a red plaid shirt with a black sweater over it, black skinny jeans, and a comfortable pair of black shoes to pull the look together. I go downstairs to grab my jacket and stop when I see my mom. I haven't gotten the nerve to talk to her since yesterday.

“Going to Andi’s,” I announce, not bothering to wait for her response although I do faintly hear a “Have fun.”

I begin the walk to Andi’s, stopping every now and then. Andi clearly doesn’t want me there and despite Buffy’s pleas, I’m sure even she won’t miss me. She’ll be too busy dancing with Marty.

Instead, I change course to the PSC. I could use a fix right now and some mental clarity.

I get to the Cafe and it’s a pretty quiet evening, I guess all of the usual patrons are out getting ready for the new year. I place my usual order and tell the barista to keep ‘em coming, which earns me a confused look and a shrug.

“Trevor, I finished cleaning the last table, I’m gonna clock out now!” I hear Iris’ voice and turn my head to see her in uniform, which is a green shirt, khaki apron and matching cap.

_ Well, at least I know the cute barista’s name now. _

As the pumpkin lattes keep on coming, Iris walks to the break room and then reemerges dressed in a cream colored sweater, black bootcut pants and high heel boots.

“Hey, Cyrus!” She excitedly greets and takes a seat next to me.

“Hi, Iris. How did you manage to make yourself look so pretty right after your shift?” She blushes at my comment, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thanks, Cyrus! I wanted to look pretty for New Years and Amber’s picking me up from here. So I brought my clothes with me.”

We make a little small talk until we look out the window to see that Amber has arrived. She's stepping out of her car and enters the Cafe, sweetly greeting Iris with

“There’s my gorgeous flower!" The two share a sweet kiss and then sit down. 

Amber continues, "Cyrus, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be at Andi’s party by now.”

I look down at my drink, “I don’t think I’m gonna go. She’s not exactly talking to me right now.”

Amber appears to be stunned by this, “Seriously, it always seemed like you two were attached at the hip.”

“Let’s just say I really messed up and now she hates me,” I sadly admit. Iris places her hand over mine.

“I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, Cyrus. I won’t pry but whatever happened, I’m sure you guys will get through it,” she reassures me.

I give them both a small smile but then Amber puts on a look implying that she’s up to something.

“Well, that’s too bad you’re not going. TJ’s gonna be awfully disappointed,” Amber says coolly, a little too coolly I might add.

_ She knows how to get my attention, that’s for sure. _

My voice hikes up, “What do you mean?”

_ Way to make yourself sound overeager, Cyrus. _

“I probably shouldn’t say anything, but that little butthead cousin of mine misses hanging out with you.” I can’t help but chuckle at Amber referring to TJ as “little”. Yeah, she’s at least a year older than him but as far as height goes, TJ has the lead on that.

“No offense, Amber, but I find that a little hard to believe. How could he miss me when he has Kira to hang with now?” 

_ I’m happy for them, can’t you tell? Happy, happy, happy! _

“Kira? You’re joking! He doesn’t like her at all. Period,” she affirms.

“Then why does he hang out with her?” I’m trying my best to understand why someone would devote their time to someone they don’t like. It just don’t add up!

“Because he…” Amber stops herself. “It’s not important. The point is, he’s going to the party and he’s hoping to see you there.” As soon as Amber said that, Iris turned her head quickly towards her.

“We’ll be right back,” Iris says, grabbing Amber’s hand and leading her outside. They try to find a discrete spot but I can hear them easily and it’s clear they’re having a dispute. After a little over a minute they go back inside and I can faintly hear Iris say “...hope you know what you’re doing.”

They join me again near the stools, “Cyrus, you’re going to that New Years party. Iris and I will be your official dates.”

Before I can object, Iris speaks up, “Trust me, Cyrus, when Amber has her mind set on something, it’s easier just to go along with it. Besides, Trevor has to close up.” I turn to see the barista is cleaning all the equipment.

_ Yeah, I don’t wanna be one of those annoying customers that refuse to leave after closing time. _

The three of us head into Amber’s car and once we’re all buckled in, she starts the car and drives us to Andi’s.

_ She’s playing Conan Gray? I’ll say this much, she has excellent taste in music. _

During the entire car ride, I still have my doubts about going to the party. Yes, we’ve celebrated New Years Eve together ever since we were ten, but seeing that she hasn’t answered any of my texts I might end up making things worse by being there. 

On the other hand she, technically, didn’t say I wasn’t invited either. I don’t know. I’m still deep in my thoughts when I hear Amber loudly declare that we’ve arrived as she finds an open spot by the curb and proceeds to park.

Once we’re parked, I exit the car and before I know it I have Amber linked to my right arm and Iris linked to my left.

_ I feel very Bruce-Wayne-like right now. _

The three of us walk up to the front door, which is already open, and we let ourselves in since the music’s too loud for anyone to notice us.

Inside, Bex is in full DJ mode wearing a tall green hat and 2019 party glasses. The living room is packed with our classmates and fellow drama club members, they’re all having the time of their lives.

I look around hoping to spot Buffy or Marty, but mostly TJ, when I hear Andi’s voice, “Amber, you made it!”

“Told you I would be, Bambi. By the way, Iris and I brought a couple of things,” Amber hands her a bottle of sparkling apple cider.

“Thank you, Amber, you shouldn’t have.”

“That’s not all, we also found this sad little puppy and took him with us,” she pulls my arm and drags me in front of Andi.

I greet her in the most awkward way possible, in another language: “¡Buenas Noches, Andi! ¿Cómo estás?”

_ Before you ask, yes, that’s the best I could come up with. My Español is impeccable, might as well show it off. Soften the blow. _

She responds sharply, “No quiero hablar contigo.”

“¡Qué bueno! Yo tampoco!” I think I said that with a little too much enthusiasm.

Andi crosses her arms and gives me a very scary glare. I’m terrible with confrontation, I might as well carry a blowtorch with me ‘cause all I do is add fire to the flames.

“Amber, hope you and Iris enjoy the party. I have to get something from my room.” Andi just looks at me with a sad expression before disappearing upstairs.

I take a look around the room looking for any sign that coming here tonight wasn’t a big mistake.

“Amber, I don’t know what you thought would happen but it didn’t work,” I express my agitation and walk to the snack table.

I grab a paper plate and overload it with cheese puffs, and then I hear a voice call me. I hope it’s not Amber trying to get my attention.

It turns out to be Buffy, “Cyrus, for a while there I thought you weren’t gonna show,” she puts an arm around me.

“I almost didn’t. Honestly I shouldn’t have. Amber talked me into it,” I’m still very upset.

“Amber Brown?” She raises an eyebrow.

“No, Amber Riley!” _ When did I get so snappy? _“I’m sorry, Buffy.”

“Cyrus, since you’re my best friend and I know you don’t do well under pressure, I’m gonna let that slide,” Buffy tells me in an intimidating voice.

“Andi still won’t talk to me and I just keep digging myself deeper.”

“What did you do this time?” I whisper in her ear what I did and then she starts laughing, “You did what?”

“Sí! I’m that stupid.”

“Why would you do that? Nevermind, don’t answer that.”

_ Good call Buffy. _

“I’d apologize to her profusely, but I’ve done enough damage for one night.”

“No, you two are gonna talk. This time, don’t turn it into a Spanish lesson,” Buffy softly pushes me upstairs.

“What about my cheese puffs?” I whine like a toddler.

“They’re cheese puffs, you’ll live without them!”

I stand outside of Andi’s room, Buffy signals me to knock on the door but I hesitate. So she does the knocking.

_ Why do I have to have people force my hand to talk to my own bestie? _

Andi answers.

I bashfully peak my head inside, “Mind if I come in?” Andi left the door open a bit, so I'm assuming I've got the green light to come in.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” I continue.

“I wasn’t actually looking for anything.”

“I kinda figured,” I say, looking down at my shoes.

“What do you want, Cyrus?”

“Just wanted to say that the reason I didn’t tell you sooner wasn’t because I don’t value our friendship. In fact, your friendship is the one I value the most.”

“I don’t get it,” she gives me a confused expression.

“I still struggle with accepting myself. We’re so close that I felt the risk of losing you was greater. When I told Buffy, it was back when she distanced herself from us. I felt like I didn’t have that much to lose if I told her. Realistically, I know you wouldn’t end our friendship over this but logic hasn’t exactly been my closest ally lately.” 

I’m really hoping my response came off as genuine as possible. This is the most candid I’ve been in a while. It feels pretty good to shed some of this weight.

“How illogical,” Andi says in her best Spock voice and we both kind of chuckle.

“There’s more Andi. Remember when you asked me if there was someone else and I said ‘kinda’?”

“Is there someone?” Andi’s clearly intrigued.

“Yeah, I think I actually fell in love. Fell in love with someone and I don’t even know who he is.”

“Wow, you don’t know who he is? Did you meet him on a forum?”

“No! Remember that post on “Shadyside Secrets” you showed me back in September? His name is Green and we’ve been talking to each other since then.”

“His name is Green?”

“Well, no, obviously. It’s a screen name. I still don’t know his actual name. I had a few guesses but they all turned out to be wrong. I’m starting to lose hope I’ll ever meet him.”

“Don’t, maybe it’s someone you least expect.”

I give her a smile, “Seems that way. Does this mean you forgive me?”

“Slow down, Cyrus! I love you and it’s hard to stay mad at you. But forgiveness takes time.”

“Fair enough. Well, I’ll go back to the party.” I leave her room and make my way downstairs when I see a guy standing at the staircase wearing one of those tall green hats Bex has been giving the partygoers and 2019 glasses.

“TJ!” I say a little excitedly.

He turns to face me, “Hey! How did you know it was me?”

“Tube socks,” I point down to the socks with little rainbows tucked into his cuffed jeans.

TJ chuckles, “Oh, yeah. You’ve come a long way since then, huh?”

“Since when?” I ask.

“Oh, you know, the Halloween party?”

_ Yeah, I like to pretend that never happened. _

“Right, of course! But it’s not just me that’s come a long way, you have too.”

TJ gives me the biggest, most genuine smile I’ve ever seen from him. It warms my heart. I don’t know what compelled me to say something as forward, scratch that, gay as this but I tell him, “You have a really nice smile, TJ. I wish you’d wear it more often.”

TJ blushes, “Wow… that’s the nicest thing anyone’s told me in awhile. I needed that.”

“I know we haven’t been talking long, but please know that I’m here for you whenever you need me. Don’t hesitate to reach out ‘cause I really want to be your friend.”

“I really wanna be your friend too, Cyrus. I’m so sorry for being all distant and stuff. I have my reasons.”

“I understand, even though Kira doesn’t make that easy. She’s also your friend and I wanna respect your time with her too.”

TJ rolls his eyes, “Yeah, Kira. She’s not my friend. Never has been, never will be.”

He gently grabs my arm so we can go outside, once we’re away from everyone he removes the hat and glasses.

“I don't get it! You say you’re not dating her and now you’re saying she’s not even your friend. Then, why are you spending so much time with her?”

TJ pauses for a bit to think and then he responds, “Because I’m scared of what she’ll do if I don’t spend time with her.” He looks into my eyes and I can see all the fear and confusion he’s had to endure. It says everything I need to know.

I decide, out of respect, to not press on the matter but I do close off the conversation with this: “TJ, I want to help you but I can’t do that until you take the first step in helping yourself. Only you can take control of the situation and I really hope you do.”

TJ starts to sniffle, “I don’t know if I can.”

I hold his hand, “Yes, you can. You’ve always believed in me and I believe in you.”

I fully expect TJ to let go of my hand but he squeezes it tightly. I don’t say anything else and I let him shed his tears, I can tell he’s been trying to hold them in.

We walk towards a bench to sit down. We only look at each other and take in the comforting silence, which is interrupted by a jingly sound.

TJ chuckles through his tears, “Hey there, Kitty, didn’t think I’d see you again.” He leans down to scratch around Onyx’s ears. “How’s it going, boy...or girl?”

“Onyx’s a girl,” I chuckle as the cat joins us on the bench.

“Well that’s a pretty name.” I can’t think of a more wholesome sight than the sight of TJ Kippen looking at peace with a cat on his lap.

“She likes you. Don’t you, Onyx?” The black furry bundle of love tilts her head and lets out a relaxed meow, “See, she said ‘yes’.”

“Oh, so you can also speak Cat? Is there anything you can’t do, Goodman?” TJ says with that cheeky smile of his.

Before I can answer that question with a laundry list of answers, he places three fingers over my mouth, “I’m gonna stop you right there. I know what you’re about to say and the answer is ‘No’.”

Sheesh, “Well, aren’t you pushy?”

He gasps at me, “Well, aren’t you oblivious?”

Not sure how to take that, but I counter with, “Well, you’re a tad bit intimidating.”

“You know what else you are?”

“What?”

“The only person I can talk to like this.” We smile warmly at each other after that and I can sense our hands wanting contact again. I can feel the brush of our pinkies when suddenly…

“Well, don’t you two look cozy?” Kira sneers at us.

_Seriously, this happens now?_

I practically fall off the bench in shock and I say, “Kira, what are you doing here?”

It’s official, there’s a supernatural force that has it in for me.

“Since kids at school love to talk about Andi’s NYE parties, I thought I’d come over to see what the fuss was about. Another thing, the way the Macks leave the front door open like that, any jerk can just walk right in.”

_ And any jerk did. _

“Awww, wook at the widdle kitty.” Kira reaches her hand towards Onyx but the cat simply growls and hisses at her.

_ Good kitty. _

I scoop Onyx in my arms, “Isn’t it funny how cats seem to have a sixth sense about people?”

“Lucky for you, Cyrus, you already have your midnight date. So if you don’t mind, TJ and I are going back inside,” she tries to reach for his hand.

TJ moves his hand away, “If you don’t mind Kira, I was talking to Cyrus. I’ll join you when I’m done.”

“TJ, I really want you to think that through,” Kira emphasizes the ‘really’.

“Teej, I think you better just go inside with her.” I give him a knowing but encouraging look and watch them walk back into the house together. 

After sitting outside for what feels like ages, Onyx and I retreat back to the warmth of the house. The countdown to midnight has started. Midway through I look outside the front window to see TJ and Kira are in a heated confrontation.

The New Year has arrived but the fireworks have yet to begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who aren't Spanish speakers, this is what Cyrus and Andi were saying:
> 
> ¡Buenas Noches! = Good Night/Good Evening (in this case "Good Evening")
> 
> ¿Cómo estás?= How are you?
> 
> No quiero hablar contigo = I don't want to talk to you
> 
> ¡Qué bueno! Yo tampoco! = That's good! I don't either!
> 
> Sí = Yes


End file.
